Chapter 13

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His hands grip at my thighs.

Why is it happening again?

Shallow breaths.

Harsh thrusts.

I try to scream but I can't. His hand is covering my mouth.

"Ni.." someone shouts me but I can't hear them.

"NIALL.. BABY WAKE UP!"

"No! No..no.." my eyes dart open and Harry is straddling me holding me down, he looks into my eyes with a concerned look, I take a second to register what the fuck was happening before bursting into tears.

Harry rolls off me and pulls me into his chest, I can't help the sobs that escape my mouth, it was a dream.. I'm ok, it's not happened again. It was just a pigment of my imagination.

"Shhh.. it's alright, I got so worried because you started to scream.. and shout no and it was awful to see you like this. Thrashing around wildly," Harry speaks slowly and calming. Effectively calming me down to be honest.

"It happened.. again..." I swallow thickly, "in my dream.. he.. got me again!" I cry into Harry's neck and he just keeps whispering 'shh' and 'please don't cry' it's nice really, with him stroking my hair as well.

"It's morning anyway babe, so we can get up if you'd like, I can get you a hot drink?" Harry offers but I politely decline, I just want to lay here with him.

"I just wanna lie here," I state, keeping myself calm again.

"Alright," Harry kisses my head and last night floats back into mind. He said he loves me.. does he really mean that? Did he really mean that?! Or was it just to make me feel better. I would like to know If he returns my feelings.

"Haz..." I begin softly and he hums to let me know he's heard. I take a deep breath as I think carefully about the wording of my question.

"Did you- did you mean what you said last night?" I ask nervously and I sit up to straddle him. He looks at me confused.

"What do you mean? What did I say?" I chuckle nervously and scratch my head.

"You urm... You said you loved me," I look away and he seems to choke on his own saliva.

"I said that?" He sounds shocked more than happy. My heart hurts.

"I just.. wanted to know.. if- If.. urm-it was true," I look at my nails and pick at the skin as he laughs a little.

"I- I don't know.. why I said that, I'm sorry babe, I- I didn't mean to deceive you," he says and I blink away tears threatening to fall.

"It's okay," my voice cracks at the end of my words and he sees how broken this has made me.

"I'm sorry.. if I'm not mistaken, I'm sorry I don't return your feelings.." he says sadly. Like he actually cares.

I just lie down and shrug. Turning away from him. I don't want him to see me cry because of him. He doesn't need that. He didn't know he made me cry that last time, I don't want to make him feel guilty.

"Niall.. turn around, ni.. baby please," he gently strokes my arm and I lose it.

"I'm not your 'baby' am I though Harry?" I cry and look everywhere but his features that look slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry," he mutters pathetically.

"Sorry doesn't always work Harry, it's just a word," I get up and wipe at my eyes. I knew he was only using me yet.. this. It's just cruel.

"Niall-"

"No," I reach his door and shake my head at him, I walk out and shut it behind me. I hope he feels like shit. I'm not 'his' or his 'baby' as much as it made my heart flutter. I'm not his. And I never will be.

I walk to my room and luckily Myrtal is in here still. She smiles at me until she sees I'm crying.

"Nialler," she sighs and opens her arms for me, I instantly occupy the space and cry again, "what's that boy done now?" She just.. knows.

"He doesn't love me yet he told me he did, yesterday before we went to sleep, he said 'I love you' but he didn't mean it. He just laughed. Why do I have love him?!" I cry into her neck and she rubs my back.

"That boy. He needs to realise what he has before you're gone for good from him, because you're obviously going to go back to him aren't you?" I nod and she wipes my eyes gently with a tissue she had in her pocket.

"It'll get better my boy, don't you worry," I sniffle a little before she says she has to go. And I have work to do.

So I put on some of Harry's old clothes and take in the scent. They smell so nice.

It isn't half cold in the mansion this morning though, it's fucking freezing. I think they've turned the heating off for summer.

It's cold. Jesus.

I walk down the hall and wash my face in the bathroom. Then brush my teeth. I rinse out my mouth and head down to the kitchen.

I'm greeted by Judith, the chef and she smiles.

"Heard the Lord and Lady going at it last night?" She asks, probably referring to my tired looking state. I just nod and laugh half-heartedly. No point in telling the truth.

I open the dishwasher and start to empty it with the radio playing lightly, I can't be bothered with it loud today.

I'm too cold to think. It's really bloody cold and I don't have a jacket or coat from Harry's old clothes. Since I have nothing of mine.

I don't dare to go home, my mum has probably already killed dad and my brother, like she threatened.

I start shivering as I gently place the plates into the correct draw.

Until warm around wrap round my body and it instantly warms me thoroughly.

"I'm really sorry Ni, I never meant to hurt your feelings, but.. for the record, I do really like you," Harry admits shyly and its enough for me. He likes me. Harry likes me! I turn around in his arms and there's a slight redness under his eyes and a blush on his cheeks. Has he been crying?

"I like you too," I look away, because I can feel myself blushing. He gently strokes my arm in affection and notices how cold I feel.

"Youre freezing Ni, here-" he starts to take his jumper off, it's huge and has the Coldplay 'Ghost stories' picture of it and it looks so warm and cuddly.

"You don't have to ha- " before I can protest, he's already pushed the thick jumper over my head, and I slip my arms through.

"I have plently of jumpers, you were cold. I can easily get another one," he shrugs like it's nothing. I can't help but smile. He's actually really thoughtful.

"Thanks," I giggle and Harry hesitantly, at first, leans down and pecks my cheek. I blush a little and curse my blushy-ness.

"I'll see you later," he smiles and I like this. Harry has changed because he's finally admitted he likes me.

I wonder why the sudden change of heart.

"Myrtal are you happy now? I admitted it." I hear Harry's proud voice, not talking quietly to Myrtal. Myrtal. I knew it had to be something to change his heart.

---awhh I think dis be fluffy? No? Ok.

Harry is getting there. Ugh. Eventually.

If you haven't already. Please check out 'Dont Fuck With My Love' it's my other book which is coming to an end and im sad about that!

But yeah. Thanks!

Love you baes---

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