Toxic

Toxic: Chapter #3 | School

Anyways, I had a five page essay due and I had put it in a folder on my desk the night before so that I'd make sure to turn it in. Well, what I didn't realize was that I hadn't packed it. I got to school and when English rolled around my teacher asked me to turn my paper in. I opened my bag and panicked when I couldn't find it. Just as I was about to tell the teacher that I had done it but left it at home, there was a soft knock on the classroom door. I looked over to see none other than Alec standing there with the blue folder containing my essay. He had walked past my room on the way out the door and noticed it still sitting on my desk. I went over to him, knelt down, and after taking the folder, I hugged him.

Like I said, he's observant, and if you saw the drawing he did for the art exhibit at his school you'd understand why he got the blue ribbon and why he got it not just that year but several years in a row. Alec had a way of capturing the beauty of the world around us that most would miss. I have a few pictures that he's given me over the years. My favorite was of course a waterfall scene that he drew after spending the majority of an afternoon on a picnic blanket looking at it while the rest of us were swimming in the lake.

Well, those were how the subjects aligned with each of us, but I of course can't leave out another very important one and all right a lot of people probably don't consider sports a subject, but it is. After all, we were required to do P.E. all through elementary, middle, and high school.

For Zoe it was always volleyball with a capital V. Zoe absolutely adored volleyball and she was a setter. I've heard that's the most difficult position to play. She was so good at it that she made Varsity as a freshman. When we'd have our Fourth of July family picnics, she would get all of us on the sand volleyball court at the park and put us where she wanted us.

Zeke was a Middle Blocker and Inside Hitter. I was an Outside Hitter and Outside Blocker. Noah and Alec loved being in the back and being the ones to bump the ball to Zoe. Now, I know that I said she put us where she wanted us, but I had a condition that I got to serve and serve a lot. The first time we played, and I asked to serve, she of course let me but what she didn't expect was for me to do a jump serve and get an ace. Of course, she had to explain the proper terms to us before we even started to play. After that, when she'd do one on one it was always me that she asked to join, something that I was more than happy to do.

For Noah, it was always football which he had loved for years. He would beg mom and dad to let him watch the Superbowl every year and they'd let him if so long as he had done his homework and finished his chores. He loved it so much and when high school rolled around, he snagged the quarterback position.

For Zeke, it was soccer, and actually, I loved soccer too. I loved it a lot, especially the goalie position. Remember when I mentioned that Zeke and I were always competitive at Chuck E Cheese? Well, so it also was with goals. I'd take the goalie position and he'd try to score and then we'd switch. He'd take the goalie position and I'd try to score. It was lots of fun, and we'd spend hours playing together.

Then, when Zeke joined the soccer team, he was a starter, captain, and a forward. Our family never missed a single one of our games. We were at every volleyball game, every football game, every soccer game, and Alec was our biggest supporter. Once again, he was the observer and he loved learning about each of the sports we loved and was excited every time he got to help us improve. He loved watching Zoe play volleyball, Zeke play soccer, and Noah play football.

Hmm? Oh right...me. I mentioned I loved playing volleyball with ZuZu and soccer with E-Z, but I didn't tell you what I play. All right well, first, I'll tell you that I absolutely adored Cheerleading and I still do. Now I know what you're thinking. "Cheer-leading? That's your favorite sport? Like for real? Is that even a sport?" Yes. It really is my favorite sport and I assure you...It. Is. A. Sport.

I'd always loved the Bring it On Movies. I loved the way they tell a story and put on a show with their routines was just something I fell in love with, that and the competition element. In fact, I started working with the coach when I was in seventh grade and by the time freshman year rolled around, I was the captain of my squad and was creating our routines myself. I have to admit that it was really hard at first. When you think of cheerleading you might just picture girls holding pom poms and wearing two piece uniforms. You wouldn't be the only ones to think of that.

In fact, I got bullied a lot because of it and I was often called pretty awful names, all simply because I was a male cheerleader. So, like I said you're not alone in thinking that it was not a sport and was only for girls but I tell you now that it's so much more than that. It's an art and the first person to understand what I meant when I would say that was Alec. He loved watching me perform the routines at home and would applaud me and tell me which parts he loved best. I was a cheerleader, and he was my biggest fan.

So much more happened in school than simply excelling at our classes and playing sports, but I wanted once again to list the highlights. Some more of said highlights that I'm going to hang onto. Otherwise, if I give you every light now, then what will I use later to keep the darkness at bay? Some of this, some of my story, is going to be dark, very dark and it is going to show you that no matter how hard you try, there will still be days where no light can stand against the shadows. Don't stop reading this though because I'm going to leave hidden gems for you amidst the darkness. I will do this, so that when you shine your light, however small, on them, you won't find the world to be so dark.

☣︎ ❦ ☣︎ ❦ ☣︎

At the words hidden gems, I look over at Giana with my pen hovering over the page. Remember when I mentioned that this journal is sapphire blue? Well, her eyes are like sapphires and they're the hidden gems that lit up my life. I feel like a miner who struck gold but instead of gold I found a greater priceless treasure. I. Found. Her.

However, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Sorry about that but it's so much easier to focus on the good now than go back and struggle to swim through the black inky tar of the darkness.

It's then that Giana looks over to see my gaze on her. She watches me with a protective gaze, offering another one of her reassuring smiles and that smile helps me remember to take a deep breath in, hold it and slowly let it out all while never looking away from my anchor to all that's good in the world.

Looking into her eyes is such a calming experience. It's a feeling full of safety and unconditional love. She nods at me and turns her attention back to her book. I then pull my gaze from her and look back at the journal. Inhaling sharply, I roll my shoulders, roll my neck, take another deep breath in, hold it, slowly let it out, and turn the page.

Right before I touch my pen to the paper, I freeze. It's time to start writing down the darkness. I'm now going to be doing the equivalent of bleeding onto the paper. Like rivulets of crimson pouring from an open wound, my secrets that my heart and head have been housing for months will spill onto the paper in rivulets of black ink.

Giana begins to softly hum our favorite song, the title of which I will share with you, later on, and then she begins to softly sing. Her humming and soft singing are just as calming for me as a kiss on the back of my neck.

I close my eyes and slow my breathing as I focus on the sound of her voice and the soft accents that she places on certain words. Then, feeling the strength she lends me flooding my veins, I slowly open my eyes. I bring my right hand, still shaking, forward so that the tip of my pen rests against the page, poised on the brink of the next word. With stronger resolve, I press the tip of my pen harder to the paper, determined to push through.