Two Ghosts

Chapter 30 - Hate

Ah right, mag-kaibigan.

I nodded.

Well, hindi 'to ang right time para mag-drama at isipin ang tungkol sa label namin ni Janella.

Besides, hindi ko na rin naman alam kung ba-balikan ko pa ba si Janella o hindi na.

Masaya naman na rin akong maging single.

Pero kasi...

Limang taon ko 'tong hinintay...

Ahh!!! Self, mag-pahinga at mag-pagaling ka muna bago ang lahat, okay? Don't push yourself too hard. Baka mas lalong lumala ang kalagayan mo kung ip-push mo lang lalo ang sarili mo.

"Pwede bang umalis muna kayo?" At this point, parang ina-avoid ko na lahat.

"Ha? Bakit?" Tanong ni Zoe. "Hindi ko naman na responsibility na sagutin 'yan, hindi ba?" I can feel the disapointment look on her face.

"Sige, if that's what you want." Malungkot na saad ni Zoe.

"Except for Kim. Maiwan ka." Sa tono ko, nagmu-mukhang may kasalanang ginawa sa'kin si Kim.

But no.

I just want to vent it out sakanya, since wala si Alex at sumunod kay Janella.

Probably galit rin sa'kin 'yun dahil sa attitude ko.

Well, hindi ko sya masisisi at hindi nya rin ako masisisi kung bakit galit ako kay Janella.

Alam ko sa sarili ko na mataas talaga pride ko ngayon.

Aminado rin ako.

Pero can you really blame me?

Nang marinig ko na ang pagsarado ng pinto, nagtanong ako.

"Kim? Andyan ka pa ba?" Sumagot naman kaagad sya ng oo at nagparamdam rin sya ng presence nya sa'kin.

"Pwede ba mag vent? Sorry, medyo makapal m--"

"Oo naman. Why not?" I breathe in muna ng malalim at breathe out ng magaan.

"Magtatanong na rin sana ako."

"Feeling ko kasi... Kasalanan ni Janella lahat."

"Sinabi ni Zoe..."

"Sinabi ni Zoe? I think you're wrong, Jane. Dapat sa'yo nanggagaling sarili mong galit, hindi sa ibang tao." She's right but...

"Isa pa, what's holding you para mapatawad si Janella? Do you really think it's really her fault or you think it's her fault because the other people said so?"

"Do you really think na she deserves to explain herself to me? Sa ganitong kalagayan ko?" I want to cry pero hindi ko malabas ang luha ko.

Maybe dahil ayaw kong magpa-lamon sa guilt.

"Yes. You deserve to hear her side. Tsaka anyways, do you think that she really have an explanation with this? For what had happen to you? It's not even her fault."

"My point is, wala syang dapat i-explain sa'yo, Jane." Tears suddenly fell into my cheeks.

I'm a monster.

Bakit ginanon ko sya? Why did i treat her like that... Again.

Do i really deserve her?

Do i really deserve someone as pure as her?

Right now, hindi ko alam kung deserve ko pa ba sya.

Kim hugged me and comforted me.

"I'll text Joshua na bumalik dito since wala si Zoe, para makapag-usap kayo ni Janella. Is that okay with you?" I refused.