Little Darlin' | CHONI |

Fourty

'Did you stay with Reggie long after I left?' Toni asked.

'Up until the end of high school I'm ashamed to admit. It took me a while to gather the strength I needed to leave him, but I'm glad I did. He has a wife and a child now I think, he doesn't live in Riverdale anymore'.

'Are you happy?' Toni asked.

'Happy?' Cheryl repeated.

'Did things turn out the way you wanted them to?'

'Not exactly. I didn't imagine I'd be living alone at 23 when all of my friends are getting married and having children'.

'Then why didn't you? Get married and have children I mean?' Toni realised she may have been a little invasive so she backtracked, 'if you don't mind me asking'.

'I just never met the right person and after you I wasn't sure if I could ever be with a man again. You said last night you were single, surely being a dancer means you meet a lot of different people'.

'I'm not interested in relationships. I've had flings, I won't lie, but I've never truly connected with someone the way I did with you,' Toni answered honestly. 'I thought about you every single day. I still do'.

'Toni... don't'.

'Don't what?'

'Do this. It isn't fair for you to open up old wounds and then disappear again'.

'I didn't disappear'.

'Toni you did,' Cheryl said raising her voice a little. 'I didn't leave, you did. I grieved for you and for our relationship. You are the only person I've ever loved and after you left I wished that I didn't. I wished that I could have forgotten about you and moved on, but I couldn't. Do you know how it feels for someone to wrong you so badly and yet the only person you crave is them?'

Toni did because she felt the same way when she believed Cheryl sent the letter. She wanted her feelings to evaporate, but it never happened.

'I should go,' Cheryl said as she stood up, everything was getting too much and she couldn't take it anymore.

'Cheryl wait...' Toni said standing up herself.

'I did wait for you Toni. I waited for years. It's too late now,' Cheryl said with tears in her eyes.

The brunette just watched as the redhead walked away. She wanted to stop her, but she didn't feel like she had the right. It wasn't like she had anything to fight for really. They hadn't been in a relationship for years and they weren't even able to stay in the same room for long without it getting too emotional.

Toni fell back against the couch with a sigh, she pushed her own tears away as she told herself she was never ever coming back to Riverdale. It wasn't worth the pain she was causing herself and other people.

She waited until she was sure Cheryl would be gone before she grabbed her bag and made her way out without looking back this time. There was one more place she wanted to visit and then she would be gone for good.

~~~

The sun warming her skin didn't do much for her mood as she made her way through the cemetery to her grandparents graves. She felt guilty that she hadn't been by in years even though she knew their souls were somewhere happier.

As she reached her nana's grave she looked at the flowers placed neatly in the pot. She wondered who visited often enough to put fresh flowers down. It was probably one of the serpents or one of her friends. She looked to the grave next to it. Her grandfathers. The same flowers sat on his grave too.

Toni decided not to concentrate too much on the flowers as she sat down in the grass. She felt awkward, but she had no one else in the world to talk to.

'I'm sorry I haven't been here in so long,' Toni said quietly. 'A lot happened and I had to go. I hope you both understand. I still thought about you both every day and you have no idea how much I could really use your advice right now. I'm sure if you've both been looking over me you know what happened with Cheryl'.
'I messed up so badly with her. I hurt her more than I ever realised. She can't even look me in the eye anymore. What am I suppose to do? I feel like if I go home now I might regret never making amends, but at the same time I don't want to force her to listen to me'.
'I wish you were both here to guide me. I feel so alone all of the time and I miss you both more than you know. I know I should leave the past in the past, but I'm really struggling with that right now-'

'Toni?' A voice quietly said.

She turned to see Jason standing behind her with his hands tucked into his pockets.

'I'm sorry for disturbing you, but I thought I might find you here. Mind if I join?'

Toni motioned to the spot on the grass next to her, she was too emotionally exhausted to be embarrassed that she was sat talking to her dead grandparents.

Jason took a seat next to her, he seemed completely relaxed as he looked over to her, 'you all right?'

'Not really, no'.

'Did my sister come to see you?'

'She did'.

'Did the two of you talk?' Jason asked.

'She hates me'.

'She doesn't hate you Toni. She's just hurt and scared'.

'What am I supposed to do? We can't talk without arguing or getting upset'.

'Well doesn't that say there's still some feelings there?'

'I don't know...'

'Don't give up on her yet Toni'.

'I have to, I have to go home today'.

'Do you? Or are you just running away because it's easier than staying,' Jason argued.

'No. I-'

'Toni, do you love my sister?'

'It's been years'.

'I didn't ask you how long it had been. I asked you if you love her, like right in this moment, do you love her?'

'Yes'.

'Then fight for her Toni. I know she cares about you too. It might not be easy, but if it works out in the end isn't it worth it?'

'I don't know Jason. I've hurt her enough. I don't want to keep bringing up the past'.

'Then don't,' Jason said simply.

'What?'

'You can't change the past Toni, but you can change the path of your future. If you love Cheryl like you say you do then prove it to her. Prove that you're not going to disappear. Let her know she can trust you again'.

Toni didn't say anything, she let the redheaded man's words sink in.

'I need to go,' Jason said standing up, '...but just think about it before you leave'.

Toni nodded as she picked at the blades of grass she was sat on. She wished it was as easy as Jason made it out to be, but it wasn't. It was complicated and frustrating, but when he asked if Cheryl was worth it she knew the answer without thinking.

Of course she was.