Pippa's Passing

21. Carlotta's Way

Author's note: The following chapter is an alternate ending to my novel, "Pippa's Passing." It immediately takes place after the events of chapter 19 but also chapter 20. After living with the story for six months, I realized there was another part of the story that was crying out to me to be told. If you enjoyed the ending with Chapter 20, "Pippa's Last Chapter," then stop now. But if you're like me and wondering 'what if' then read on.

I held Carlotta in my arms. The sensation was unreal. You can't really describe what it's like to hold your daughter in your arms for the first time.

I had loved her mother for so long that I should have known this would be the way of things. It would always end like this with me holding my daughter. Carlotta was always going to be in my life. It was Carlotta's way.

Here was everything good that came out of my relationship with Pippa. All of the struggles and the griefs and the complicatedness associated with us melted away and blended into this daughter in my arms. It was like I said, indescribable. All that running and all those races came down to this. This was what was waiting for me at the end of the ultimate finish line.

"You have your mother's eyes," I said to her. It was true and simple. She did have Pippa's eyes. Pippa had once described the first time she looked into my eyes and thought I had this soulful look in my eyes like I was lost. There was nothing lost in Carlotta's eyes. If anything, they implied something found. Gone were any dark skies behind these eyes and I was reminded only of words I had penned for my vows. 'You look at me through eyes of total faith and a doubtless commitment to our uncertain futures.'

"I think there's something of her father in those eyes."

I turned to look at Pippa lying in the hospital bed. She was so beautiful. It was almost impossible to think that less than an hour before, she had blessed us both with this bundle of joy.

"Carlotta Pink Bailey," I muttered

"Carlotta Pink Carter. I told you I'd take the name into consideration." She was right. It had been a joke shared between us all those years ago but now it was come true. "When you're finished making your goo-goo eyes at our daughter, I'd like to hold her for a while."

I obliged and gently transferred Carlotta to Pippa's waiting arms. She cradled Carlotta with one hand and patted the bed for me to sit next to her.

"We're going to have to tell our families about her, sometime, you know," I said. I knew it would come but at that moment there didn't exist a need. My immediate future was those two lying in the bed next to me.

"Not now, Pink. Right now I just want to be with you and Carlotta. Who cares about the rest of the world?" She turned her face and kissed me. I knew that kiss. I'd felt it before.

"That's a screw them all kiss, isn't it?" I didn't need her answer. Memories of the infield at Collegiate came flooding in and I remembered that long kiss. She'd said 'screw them all' and then she'd kissed me. It meant she wanted only the moment with me. This day was no different. She wanted only the moment with me...and our daughter.

"I'm tired Pink. Will you lay with me?"

"Happily." There was no indecision. I remembered that question from before. I had questioned it but eventually had given in. I had no will when it came to Pippa.

I stretched out and snuggled in closer to her as best I could. She placed Carlotta between us. I felt there was no place safer in the world at that moment for our daughter.

Pippa ran a hand along my face and stroked my cheek. "Tell me our story, Pink."

"Now? I thought you were tired."