Faking It

Chapter 35: The Lies Were White

But then...he was. The thought settled like a stone, and, suddenly, the guy who called me Emdubs and who'd spent the afternoon sprinting around a muddy soccer field in the rain wasn't the one I was looking at. He wasn't just a guy who liked Avengers movies anymore. He was a guy who wore thousand-dollar tuxes. Who could effortlessly out-snob an entire room filled with people who owned private jets and different million-dollar mansions for every season. No wonder he only wanted to fake date me.

It shouldn't have mattered, but the thought ripped open a painful, empty space in my chest. If I was being honest, it had been there since I'd arrived—a hollowness that I'd buried under fake-smiles and stifled with swallowed nerves. The same one I'd shoved down and away when I'd climbed out of my Uber on the first day of school, determined not to care what other people thought about me.

But now, it had festered and grown into something so large that there was no more ignoring it. I didn't belong here. I wasn't meant for a life like this. I'd wanted to be, but no matter how hard I tried, I never would be. I hadn't realized how badly I'd hoped to impress his parents and their friends. I'd wanted them to look at me the way they looked at Madeleine. But they wouldn't. Not tonight. Not ever.

It was freeing, in a way, to admit defeat. To finally let go of the pressure that had nearly made me vomit all week. That had simmered beneath the surface all semester, really. And now that I'd released it, the sheer ridiculousness of all of this really hit me. I glanced over my shoulder. The elevator was right there. The car that Theo's parents had sent was probably waiting somewhere downstairs. It was supposed to bring us back to Kingsbridge later anyway, and Theo could always hitch a ride back with William and Madeleine.

I winced at the thought. It would be cruel to leave him here. But it would be even crueler to force myself to put up with more of this. Chewing my lip, I turned towards the elevators.

As if it knew it was the exact right moment for a reality check, my left heel wobbled and I stumbled sideways, towards someone leaving the men's room.

William caught my elbow. "Easy, there. You okay?"

His fingers lingered even after he'd helped me regain my balance.

"Yeah. Thanks." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, hoping that he hadn't noticed where I was headed. "Twisted my ankle in today's game."

"Ouch." He glanced towards my feet. "Though that's not really what I meant. Or was I only imagining you making a break for the elevators?"

My eyes flew to his. His lips curved into the same gentle, rueful smile as when he'd admitted that he wanted to go to Gustavo's with me. It didn't quite hit the same, though. Not after the bistro. I swallowed.

"Come on." His hand settled on my back. "Let's get some air."

Eyeing the string lights, I stiffened at his touch. I should want to go outside with him. He'd probably offer me his jacket, and it would be painfully romantic as we talked under the twinkling stars. But something inside of me resisted. I knew I was being ridiculous, and I wasn't really in any state to pass up a momentary reprieve. Or a chance to explain myself after he'd just busted me trying to run.

"Sure," I said weakly. And then made the mistake of glancing over my shoulder.

Theo was watching us, but the moment I caught him, he dropped his gaze back down to the blonde ponytail and backless dress in front of him. Then smiled. The genuine one. For Madeleine. Something twisted bitterly in my chest as William guided me through the sliding doors to the terrace.

It should've been exactly what I wanted, but it wasn't. I rubbed my arms against the chill, hovering near one of the elegant metal heat lamps. William either didn't notice or didn't care because he made no move to offer me his tuxedo jacket.