Erica Clifford - Completed

Thirty eight

I threw my second empty coke can in the bin beside me scowling that the music on these headphones wasn't loud enough. I could still hear him. 

You look damn good in that outfit.

I didn't wear it for you. I wore it for Levi. 

I don't know why you're even entertaining him though Boo. 

I'm not your boo. Don't say that. I felt my stomach churn as I nearly threw up. 

I gave you an order.

The only person allowed to order me around is Levi. And even then it's only when we're having sex. No one tells me what to do except myself. 

You got an attitude. It's so hot.

Not for you it's not

You're mine.

No I'm not.

No one gets you but me

You don't get me.

I'm promising you

No you're not. You never kept any of your promises.

If I can't have you, no one can.

Well he's already got me so- I smashed the sticks into the drums, taking my anger out on them as his words carried on replaying in my head. 

You're mine. 

You're mine. 

You're mine. 

You're mine. 

"FUCK OFF."  I launched one of the sticks across the room and sat staring at it. Okay the headphones weren't working. Let's try the speakers. I stood up  turning Bluetooth on my phone, connecting it to the speakers and unplugging the headphones. 

It was definitely louder through the speakers. I hastily jumped up, grabbing the stick and turning the speaker volume to full blast. It was as loud as the club had been last night. Without the chatter. And like I was stood right next to the speakers.  I had the same 6 songs on repeat.  3 of my own, 3 of other artists.

The 3 other artists songs were the only ones that made me so angry I was able to get over him before. And right now I needed to harness that anger before I let it ruin me and Levi. I didn't want him to worry about me. That's why I hadn't told him where I disappeared to. I didn't want him to know. 

I sat back down at the drums as I started getting swamped with sadness. I felt so bad that I was dragging Levi into this. This is exactly why I don't date. Because he always finds out when I'm talking to someone and does this. Shows up and demands I break it off. And then I doubt myself so bad I ghost them. I push them away so I don't have to deal with him. 

But I wasn't complying this time. I wasn't playing the game where he shows he still has control over me. Not this time. He could fucking try but I wasn't doing it. I wasn't loosing Levi. 

I sighed as one of the songs started again, turning to the drums properly so I could play along. 

This was mine. The one I'd written about him not long ago. I'd already recorded everything for it. This was going to be the lead single. After last night that wasn't even a doubt. I was putting my everything into this today. If I collapsed on the floor right here from exhaustion, someone would find me. It's fine. 

I couldn't just not do anything. I couldn't stay there laid in bed thinking about him. I had to break it somehow. And I'd already slept with Levi. That hadn't worked. I'd drunk. Albeit not enough but that just made me more wary of him. I'd tried to write but I was just getting upset. I didn't want to be upset.