Elastic Heart {H.S}

Part 5

I didn't think I'd sleep. I didn't want to I knew once my eyes were closed my dreams would over take me and I'd see his face again. I was told I'd never see him again but that was a lie, he's always with me, in my dreams, in my mind, everything I do and touch reminds me of him. Harry in ways reminds me of him. Both bad and good.

My alarm clock projected 9:47 in bold red writing into my wall, the room was faintly dark. My long drapes clocked the windows and masked the light from my room. I had slept for a solid 6 hours without being taunted by nightmares.....nothing. His arm was was wrapped securely round my waist, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck. His body half lying on me and half of my bed. I was stone, cold stoned statue in my place. Once upon a time this would have been natural to me, his soft curls lightly tickling my face, hot breath grazing my bare collarbone, soft hands nested under the hem of my shut. His body blanketing mine, protecting me. Where I once felt safe I now feel endangered, where I once felt loved no I am numb, where I was once felt happy at the thought now brings tears to my eyes. This feeling I had brought myself to hate so much, I now longed for. I craved the feeling for.

Harry's eyes flutter open and shut again. My body was stilled, my arms resting around his shoulder. I could hear my breathing become unsteady, my heart beat playing the same tune "Morning" He slowly breathed out in a chiseled morning voice and rolled over onto his front pulling the comforter up over him head. I not so slowly flipped myself out of bed "Morning" I sprung in the opposite tone to him

"Ugh will you keep it down, it's so early" He grunted. Well he's obviously not a morning person!

I shuffled my feet through my living room and into the cold floors of my open kitchen turning the coffee machine on for my usual morning routine. I open the cupboard and took out my container of pills popping one in my mouth and swallowing it down with a mouth full of water, I heard foot steps behind me then a quiet "Good Morning"

"Morning" I cough while I slip the tub of pills behind my back and out of eyes sights "Would you like some coffee? I've just put some on" I ask polity and fumbled with the bill box "Sit on the couch and I'll bring it to you" I made an excuse to get my pills out of sight, with my back turned to him acting as though I was busy making our coffee. The pattering of footsteps echoed out, I grabbed the pills and forced them into the cupboard out of sight "What are you doing!?" A harsh voice demanded. The tub slipped from my shaking hands and it landed loudly on the hard floors, scattering everywhere. Just my luck, I scream in my head "Nothing.....Just Vitamins" I quickly made up my excuse. He came over to my side as i scurried around on my knees scooping the white pills into my hands "Vilazodone?" his voice rung out loudly in my head "This is an antidepressant" He stated.

"I know that!" I snap and snatch the bottle from his hand, refusing to look him in the eye I let out a shaky breath I hadn't realized I was holding "I think you should leave and I mean it this time" my voice betrays my bravery and breaks. I try to keep myself busy but my emotion seemed to be at the breaking point.

"Wait, no" He rushed but I didn't know if I had it in me to look at the pity in his eyes, Pity that I didn't deserve nor want. My body couldn't physically take the pain of remembering it all over again. I knew what he'd say next, My are you depressed? Is this some cry for attention? Are you suicidal? or he'd act like a god damn councilor and ask me for my life story. Why can't they just help me forget instead of making me remember but when he said "Are you okay?" my head snapped up and regretable looking at his face. Somewhere within his poker face I seen pity but I also saw worry and strangely anger.

"Excuse me?" I asked, totally taken aback by his question.

"I said are you okay?"

"I.....eh..I" The English language had totally evaporated from my mind "I'm fine" I eventually whispered.

"Don't lie" He growled and then I looked down to his white knuckles fisted by his sides.

"I'm not lying" I tried to sound convincing but the fury that lit in his eyes said otherwise. He stormed over and towered over my petite body, I flinched as a reaction.

"You're scared of me" He concluded sounding slightly hurt "How can I help you? What's wrong with you?" He went from quite and concerned one minute to harsh and demanding the next.

"What's wrong with me!" I stepped back by the feeling of his bitter words hitting me in the gut "What's wrong with me!" I screamed this time. His eyes drop followed by his head.

"You know that's not what I meant Ana" He sounded low but not as low as he'd made me feel.

"Oh really cause it sounded pretty much how you said it!" I snap "Get out!"

"Wait, I need to know" He put his hands up and begged

"Get out!" I scream. I could feel my face glowing with anger "Or I'll call the cops" He still made no effort of getting out of my face "Get out and never speak to me again" I said bitterly walked through heated area and into my room slamming the door consuming my anger. I stood in the wide open space, my room filled with a bed, a closet, book cases and yet it felt so empty. It was them when I crumbled to the floor, tears stinging my eyes and let loud wailing leave my dry lips. I don't know how long I cried for, days, weeks, years the time felt infinitive. Once the crying had stopped the emptiness took over. My eyes were to heavy to keep open, It felt like to my strength my body couldn't spare. I was unaware that my door had silently opened and strong arms lifted my crumpled body from the floor, the comfort of bed now lay beneath me. The strong arms didn't leave me only pulled me tighter in a protective manor. A hand began playing with the locks of my long hair I responsively snuggled in closer to him, the heat and tingles his body made me feel helped me relax. Soft words left his mouth " Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you" His melodic voice pushed me further and further into sleep. His soft lips brushed against my hair "I will try and fix you"