My Tears Ricochet // Alicent Hightower

33. Toxic

Maybe Alicent was right and she needed to get it all out. But when it hits you fully though, that darkness, when you're really in it, it's everything. Its the only thing that consumes you. It's who you are, you're nothing else. But the darkness. 

On the outside, Davina looked the same, smiling and pretending is so much work, but smiling doesnt mean you are happy, it means you are strong and that hurt. Because she was Davina Strong. She didnt feel strong, she couldnt smile, these fake smiles forever... while on the inside, it's a different story.

You start to hate yourself. You're so alone, so unbelievably alone. And you can be with someone you love, but you're not really with them. 

People thought they knew what's going on with Davina, but they didn't. They never really know what's going on inside someone else's head. 

Everyone's fighting a battle you can't see. Alicent, Viserys, little Haezel, Aemond and Davina... fighting silently. 

Davina was writing, but A scroll that had been taunting her from dragonstone finally got her attention completely she couldnt stand it just sitting there before her and she opened it.

"Daemon... married Rhaenyra." Davina remarked looking over the decree. "Do you two even have a heart?"

+

Alicent found Davina nursing a bottle of ale. She didnt say anything just sat beside her and Davina leaned into her. She picked up the scroll and a heavy breath filled her. Davina just took another big sip. 

"I hate your daughter." Davina remarked as Viserys came in, his cane clicking on the ground. Alicent held out the decree and Viserys huffed out a breath. 

"After everything I did for Rhaenyra... she saw the pain he put me through..." Davina let out a deep hot breath as Viserys sat down next to her. "I just don't understand."

"Neither do I." Viserys agreed. 'But then again I never did understand your infatuation with Daemon." Viserys teased as she leaned into ALicent.

"Honestly, I regret every moment I spent on him." Davina told them. He stared down at her as she curled into a ball her head on his thighs. Alicent ran a hand over her back, to love someone that much and then have your niece betray you in such ways, Alicent couldnt even fathom the pain Davina was feeling all while losing Harwin. 

"He is our brother. A shit brother but our brother..."

"I hate myself for ever loving him." Davina told Viserys honestly. "He is toxic, and I became addicted to him, he poisoned me slowly trying to kill me too, while he was immune to the toxins within."

"Davina," Alicent coed.

"Daemon asked... at Rhaenyras wedding he asked me to run away with him." Davina informed them.

"He did?" Viserys questioned.

"Rhaenyra begged me to stay." Davina remarked. "She said she needed me and she couldnt do it alone." A silent tear fell down her cheek as she gnawed at her lip. "Then she does this seeing first hand for years how he tormented me..."

"She was..." alicent stopped herself looking to viserys surely he saw how idiotic his daughter was. "The things she said to you before were uncalled for and untruthful." Alicent assured her.

"I feel like my history with dae, makes me... vicious and violent and- stupid, I can be so stupid-' Viserys could hear the sharp breath she released through her clenched jaw. "-I dont deserve you, either of you-"

"We choose you Davina. I dont regret a moment with you." Alicent assured. "No matter what you did or do, know I don't care. I'm team Davina all the way." Davina nodded taking another long sip. "Davina... I would choose you a million times over." Alicent whispered. 

"I'm such a fuck up Ali, you deserve better."

"You are already perfect." Alicent corrected.

Alicent stayed with her every night that her children werent with her and it was nice to have a friend.