Girl On The Run

27

Or should I just ease my way back into civility and have a low profile so I won't be discovered?

Or should I just shorten my punishment and go back to him?

It hasn't even been my first week in this damned hotel and I'm just about ready to surrender myself back to my evil husband.

Yes, I would be miserable, but miserable and well-off.

It might sound ridiculous and I might sound spoiled but it's just how I've been programmed.

Living filthy rich with a husband that manages to spoil you and abuse you simultaneously can fuck up your brain.

I unwillingly had numerous thoughts about being "rescued" from this hell hole but I persistently reminded myself that being with Antonio wouldn't be any better.

Not at all.

Antonio is not very forgiving and he's not going to let this whole rebellious wife act slide too easily.

Even if I do surrender myself to him, he will never let it go.

Reminding myself every time those toxic thoughts took a toll on my brain was enough to keep me rooted here and hope to never be found by him.

When my brain was finally in control of my mind rather than my heart, I began to realize how stupid my moves were.

It was not smart to be in a hotel even if I never did give them a name. 

This was also really weird because I am sure hotels are supposed to ask for IDs and other forms of identification but they just let me in. I didn't want to worry too much about it but it was certainly uncanny.

I was slowly beginning to regret coming here because it is easily accessible if Antonio attempts to find me. I was wishful thinking if I really thought that Antonio wouldn't search the ends of the earth for me. Although I paid with cash and had not revealed my name, it was a hotel and anyone could just walk inside.

This wouldn't be a concern if I was in a protection program of some sort.  I'm sure anyone in a position similar to mine would immediately go into a program that can offer security and safety but that was not an option for me.

Antonio has too many "good people" on his payroll. Im sure Antonio's already informed all of his business associates about my disappearances I don't doubt that many people are keeping an eye out for me. 

My safest choice as of right now is to stay put in this trashy motel and not make any suspicious moves.

I needed to get comfortable because I was going to be here for a while but it was getting hard every day to stay here.

On my first night here I wanted to take a warm bath and soothe the pain my husband inflicted on me a few days prior when this shitty hotel had other plans.

Upon opening the faucet, tiny insects came crawling out like a nest was laid inside. It was the most repulsive sight.

I felt straight out of Coraline. The scene of her exploring her house and smashing the live insects in her tub was a replica of that very night.