To my dear Chuuya...

CHAPTER 24

"God, no," Chuuya begged one last time before he managed to get up from where he was sitting, rushing towards the car. The doctors put Dazai in the back of the Ambulance, driving away.

Chuuya didn't know how to drive, but he would learn right now. He had to follow them. This had to be a mistake. Dazai couldn't possibly be dead.

Chuuya started the car, pressing the acceleration pedal and following the Ambulance without anyone noticing he left. He passed snow covered fields, but he didn't bother to look at them. The moon was high up in the sky, acting like a guiding light as Chuuya struggled to breathe as he followed the Ambulance that carried his entire world; the Ambulance that carried Dazai.

He was so focused on following behind them that he didn't even notice when they arrived in front of the hospital. He stopped at a distance from the Ambulance, in order to not be noticed, and he watched as even more doctors hurried towards the car, taking out the boy's body and hurrying inside the hospital.

Chuuya also got out of his car, sneaking inside the white building, barely managing to stand on his feet, moving through the clean hallways like a ghost, his vision blurry. He stopped behind a corner when he heard two doctors talking.
"They brought him straight to the morgue. He was already dead."

"Poor boy. I've never seen such a determined suicide. There was nothing we could have done to save him."

Chuuya felt everything around him beginning to spin. He felt his heart drop all over again. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, but he somehow managed to turn around and walk all the way to the door that had "MORGUE" written on it. Still in a daze, he pushed the door open and walked down the stairs, arriving in a cold room, filled with refrigerators used to store dead bodies.

The redhead stumbled towards them, scanning all the nameplates, his eyes stopping on the one in the far left side. "Dazai Osamu" was written on it. With a shaky hand, Chuuya opened the door, pulling out the body inside. He was covered with a white sheet. When he removed it, Chuuya completely broke down crying. It was him. Dazai Osamu was truly dead.

"Dazai," Chuuya cried, shaking him in a desperate attempt to wake him up. "Mackerel, wake up," he continued. "We did it. We escaped. You can wake up now," Chuuya begged, but he knew he wouldn't get a reply back.

He laid his head on Dazai's cold chest, crying and desperately clinging to him. "You bastard! You fool! Why did you do this?" he sobbed. "Why? Why? Why?" Chuuya was barely capable of forming another coherent thought, the pain he felt taking over his brain.

He hugged Dazai as tight as he could, not wanting to let go. "I love you too," he whispered, deeply regretting not being able to tell him that while he was still alive. "I love you. Please come back. Please don't leave me," Chuuya desperately pleaded, but Dazai remained cold and unmoving.

The redhead stumbled away from his corpse, unable to stop crying. He felt his entire body shake at the sight in front of him, but he couldn't take his eyes away.

Suddenly, he heard a pair of footsteps going down the stairs and approaching the morgue. He quickly pushed Dazai's corpse back inside the refrigerator, even though he didn't want to. Then, he looked around the room, trying to find a way out. To his relief, there was a door behind him. He rushed towards it, pushing it open and running through it, finding himself outside of the hospital.

He continued running towards the car he stole, getting inside it and driving away. He didn't have a particular destination, but he had to get away. He felt sick to his stomach and his heart ached. He felt hot tears beginning to drip down his cheeks again. He cried and screamed, accelerating until he reached an empty field. He stopped there, getting out of the car and sitting in the snow, continuing to cry and shout at the sky, begging any being that was listening to him to bring Dazai back to him.

That's when Chuuya remembered the envelope Dazai gave him. The redhead took it out of his pocket, opening it. There was a lot of money inside but, hidden between them, there was also a piece of paper. It was a letter. The letter Chuuya saw Dazai writing a while ago. He hesitantly opened it, feeling his heart break when he recognized his handwriting. This letter was for him.

"To my dear Chuuya,

I'm sorry. But knowing you, these words would probably just piss you off. Still, I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day.

There is nothing you could have done to prevent this, so don't even think of blaming yourself. I made this decision long ago. Even after you came into my life and you made me feel feeling I have never felt in my entire life, I still knew that I would die by my own hand. But I was selfish once again. I thought I had changed from my past self, but I am still the same selfish bastard I've always been. I'm not capable of changing. I couldn't let a monster like myself keep on living in this world. I can never be truly free. Even if I escape from here, my past will eventually catch up to me. The remaining members of my father's mafia will find me and make me become their new leader. But even though I knew how this story would end, I still let myself get closer to you, letting the feelings you planted in my heart blossom, growing bigger and bigger every day. But I still couldn't make myself stay away from you, even though I knew I would have to hurt you in the end. You have completely smitten me, Chuuya Nakahara. Only you could have done that.

Do you remember when we talked about the possibility of different Universes and future lives? Well, now more than ever, I am sure that they exist. We are one soul in two bodies, Chuuya. No greater power will be able to keep us apart. We will meet again. And I am sure of one more thing: no matter in what Universe or alternate version of this reality we are in, I will always fall in love with you.

We will find our way to each other again, that I am sure of.

In this life, you were the one that found me, but I promise you that I will find you in every other Universe or future life. I promise you that.

So let's try this in another life, and I promise I'll try to be stronger for you. I'll keep trying until we get our happy ending.

I love you from the bottom of my heart, Chuuya.

Thank you for making me feel human for the first time in my life.

-Goodbye,

Forever yours.

Tears stained the white paper. Chuuya read it again and again, memorizing every word.

After what felt like hours, Chuuya folded the letter and gently placed it back in his pocket, laying down on the snow and looking up at the sky with tears in his eyes. And, as he stared at the orange sunset, Chuuya couldn't help but think of Dazai -the boy that saved him; the boy that gave his life in order for Chuuya to start a new one.

THE END.