TRAITOR - woosan

13. the shower

And I have a girlfriend. 

"San? We're going to be late if you don't come out now," I hear Haneul screaming against the door. 

"Fuck..." I whisper while turning off the shower and getting out quickly. "I'm coming," I answer in a rush while my sister is still waiting for me outside the bathroom.

I look at my reflection in the mirror while drying myself with a towel. My body seems so pleased by what just happened and the peak of adrenaline was so worth it. 

Wooyoung what have you done to me?

***

Wooyoung

"Wooyoung?" I hear Seonghwa's voice coming from downstairs.

I blink twice and look around confused. Where am I again? Oh, right. I'm still on the second floor of Seonghwa's house, half-naked and pretty hangover.

Good morning Wooyoung.

"I'm awake," I mumble before heading to the bathroom next to me.

"We don't have much time before the first class, come down and eat." He says before I shut the door behind me.

I move to the sink and splash some water on my face.

Two minutes ago I was clearly staring at the ceiling rethinking last night. It's too much to process. I step back from the sink, deep breath Wooyoung. It's okay.

No, it's not.

I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I said San's name over and over again while kissing Hongjoong. Who does that? I never said his name like that, ever. Maybe it was only a matter of time; I was probably too focused on forgetting about him (through other guys) than healing. And now, one time with him in a small bathroom mixes my head and my heart like it never did before. What the fuck Wooyoung...

I shake my head and sigh.

Hongjoong must feel like shit because of me. Maybe he's so mad that he'll take revenge on me and start a rumor? No, that can't happen. If San learns about all of this, I could not look into his eyes ever again. I'm so ashamed. Besides he doesn't even know that I'm gay. My sexuality will be a smaller shock next to the one of me being in love with him, even after all these years apart. I always used to put these feelings aside, but after the party, I cannot just deny it anymore.

I'm staring at myself in the mirror and just the thought of the last events flips my world upside down. I'm not gonna survive this week, that's for sure.

I don't understand why I reacted this way though; I usually don't care about who I sleep with and why I do it. But last night I really overthought it. The thing is, I really felt relief when Hongjoong exited the room. It's the only feeling I clearly remember from last night, I felt relieved. I did not want to sleep with him. I wanted someone else. The moment I shared with San in the bathroom gave me hope that maybe he's not completely straight. Maybe the alcohol influenced my judgment, but I really sense something in his eyes. Something different.

I know a guy like San would never be attracted to me. He just can't. And besides, having a relationship would be just impossible between us; he has a girlfriend and he's also on the swim team. Two things that keep us apart.

I stare into my eyes and see the other's brown ones in them.

San.

"Arghh. Why does he have to be so perfect?" I whisper before getting out of the bathroom.

I need to change my mind for real this time. San can not just float in my head until the day I die. I'm going to do something about it, but what?

I head down the stairs thinking of a plan. Maybe if I confess my feelings for San and then he rejects me I could finally move on. But honestly, am I ready to get hurt again?

I continue my way and follow the sound of Seonghwa's voice leading me to the kitchen.

"Hurry up! We don't have much time left and I hate being late," Seonghwa warns me. "Wooyou... Oh, you're alive," he jokes when he sees me sitting down at the table.

I yawn in answer before attacking the breakfast he prepared for me.

"Thanks, hyung," I say between two bites of my omelet.

"No problem," Seonghwa says before joining me at the table. "Nice jacket by the way, where did you get it?" He asks staring at the black leather I'm wearing.

"Oh, this.. It's not mine, I borrowed it." I answer staring at my food.

"Another guy huh?" He smirks.

I roll my eyes and shook my head no.

Yes, another guy. His name is San.

Seonghwa probably can tell by my face turning pink what is the real answer. I did not want to lie to him, but I don't want to talk about it either. There is too much stuff on my mind right now.

"I wonder who it is because San said you fell asleep pretty early." He continues looking at me with apprehension.

What...

"San went upstairs?" I question him confused.

"Yeah, I asked him to go check on you," Seonghwa explains, still eating. "I'm sorry, I was worried after hearing you were sick."

What the hell? San went upstairs...

"It's okay hyung," I assure him with a smile to make sure to hide the lie. "I really fell asleep early? At what time did he go?" I asked, worried about what the answer could be. I need to know if he saw me with Hongjoong or not. I need to know.

"San went right after you came upstairs, I guess you were really tired." He concludes while finishing his dish.

I drop the fork on my plate. Seonghwa raises his head due to the loud noise.

"Oh sorry," I say quickly while picking it up. "Yeah, I guess I was."

I then force myself to eat the rest of my omelet after hearing the bad news. I really need to put myself together now but the thought of San seeing me with Hongjoong gives me anxiety.

San saw everything. Everything.

These cuties.