𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆

xvii.+*

three agonizingly long days passed with no new feelings. your mom recently left the house to go out with friends, leaving you in the dark, empty home all alone. with no distractions to keep your mind from thinking about connie, tears slowly welted your blank, staring eyes.

watching the ceiling fan spin in circles was enough to let the tears settle back to where they came from. this wouldn't be a matter you'd cry over; never over a boy. but he was your boy. connie was. now small memories danced in your mind, flicking through each one like book pages.

he had promised you to be a good boyfriend, that he wouldn't steer you wrong again. making a life and blossoming into your own adults didn't seem like a far-fetched dream when it came to him. though you silently cursed yourself, that wouldn't be possible now.

that very thought alone made you forced a deep sigh from your chest. the same place the gnawing agony resided, that agony that never quite went away. this hurt worse than you wanted it to. of course, you knew heartbreak would be futile, but nothing could've prepared you for this.

tears massaged your cheeks in waves, flowing relentlessly. you tried to bury them in the back of your hands but to no avail. giving in to the sadness, small cries were silenced by your pillow which was tightly hugged your face.

the impossible seemed possible as you slowly simmered with anger. even still, the sadness outweighed most; what was the point of it all?

clicking your phone screen on, you still had no new notifications. there was one is specific you were looking for, but he had never reached out to you since that day. waiting everyday for maybe even an apology was disappointing; you stopped yesterday after there was still no communication.

the morning you walked home, almost no sleep was able to take you under. most of the time you restlessly laid awake was spent thinking about what connie would do, the random spurs of crushing anxiety wondering when he would reach out if he did, what he would say. so when he didn't he didn't reach out, you assumed he knew.

not being able to have the answers drove you up the wall and further into manic thoughts caused from an overload of overthinking. not standing the crushing solitude any longer, you pat around for your device, finding it hidden under another pillow.

clicking on the most recent contact, you nibble at the skin around your nails waiting for it pick up. "hey gi- yikes you look bad! what the hell happened?!" mallory probed as she sat up in her bed. "me and connie over wit'. f*ck that nigga and i hope he get hit by a f*ckin' car." you mumbled. mallory sucked her teeth and frowned. "he done f*cked up forreal?" you nod several times in confirmation.

"i knew better but went through his phone anyways. i knew better girl," you chuckled, "and to think we said i love you-" "B*TCH WHAT?!" mallory hollered, covering her mouth with her hand in shock. "rule number one is you don't EVER tell no nigga you love 'em."

you shrugged and looked off past the camera at nothing in specific. "but i did. and still do." you sighed. "jus look at this though."

mallory waits in silence before her phone pings. "okay hol' up and lemme read this right quick." and for a few seconds she mumbles the texts out loud before gasping again. "no he f*ckin' didn't!" she murmured. "and see my issue is if another female is speaking down on yo name then-"

"why wouldn't he defend you (me)!" you both shout in a fusion. mallory shakes her head aggressively and sighs. "im finna be down there next week, eren and allem comin' too so we gone go out while i'm down there." she starts. your eyes slightly widen in surprise and happiness. "real sh*t? keep me updated!!" you cheer sniffling and wiping away what was left of the drying tears.

"you wanna do some? we gon' have to figure out what first." "please girl? i jus need a way out my head." you chuckle. plans are brainstormed though quite finished as you get distracted and began conversing on the past few months. when the line cuts, you shut off your phone with a sigh.

before the loneliness could settle back, in a half baked thought, you grab a jacket and some sneakers to walk to sasha's house.

the chilly walk frosted your fingertips and nose. inhaling felt like a thousand small needles jabbing at your nostrils and lungs. "sasha!" you shout as you jog up to the door and bang on it. with no response, you wrap around yourself for warmth. "sasha-"as your fingers curl into a first for another ruthless knocking, the door spreads with a loud creak before your sasha peers through. "girl don't be knockin'on my door like the damn police!" she scolds, pulling fully open to let you inside.

"what's goin' on? you never walk in the cold." she hums as she walks past the bathroom and to the right , into the opening of a small, marble-modern kitchen. you sigh before shrugging your shoulders. "i don't know. jus wanted to say what's up."

sasha pulled an orange from the fruit bowl in the middle of the white, black and golden marble island top. the fruity scent began to evade the room as she discarded the peel and chewed on a few loose slices.

"you don't gotta lie to me [y/n]. i know when something is off so talk to me." sasha murmurs. little tears start to sting to your eyes as you think of where to start. when she noticed, she quickly walked around the kitchen island and wrapped her arms around you.

"connie f*cked me over again bro." you quietly state. sasha gasps with wide eyes, spotting little pieces of orange as she started, "bro what. oh my f*ckin' god we literally had a talk and EVERYTHING." she groans as she stomps around, angrily chewing on a new slice, "but are you okay? what did this idiot do?"

you sigh and chuckle, running over the more important events. "to sum it up, nigga was talkin' to this shordy from the school trip and was movin' weird." you explain, pulling out your phone to show her the messages. "see."

sasha's cheeks flare a faint pink as she shakes her head. "oh you just f*ckin' WAIT till-" "no ma'am. it was three days ago and he still ain't even reach out to me. i know he know so it's a matter of when he gon' say somethin'." you shrug, toying with the fabric of your hoodie.

"mhm." sasha hums, rolling her eyes. "but no forreal. it's whatever, i jus needed to let you know yo' homeboy a f*ck nigga." you chuckle.

"but what about ol' girl? cause i bet she wouldn't be talkin' all that sh*t face to face." sasha questioned. "they stopped textin' for a grip but she texted me the night i was wit' him at like, three. i don't know if they've talked since then." you explain.

sasha passed a king a wearily smile that you returned. there was nothing that could be said or done in the moment, leaving an almost mocking silence between you both. "i take back that i told you so." sasha coughed.

"no sh*t," you giggle, "you prolly won't hear about him no more." you sheepishly smile. sasha sighs heavily as she moves in to give you another reassuring hug. "get your lick back [y/n]. it'd always an option." sasha coaxes. you pull away and laugh, dismissively waving her off. "whatever karma gon' bring is a hell of a lot stronger."