Oneirataxia || Soukoku

1|| Punishment Which Is The Beginning Of Everything

Hello! 

Welcome to my new fanfiction! 

After publishing this chapter, I will stop publishing new fanfictions for a while lol and I will continue my other unfinished fanfictions! I promise I will finish all of them! 

Warning! 

This story is a boy x boy story! There may be smut at some point. Or may not be I don't know lol! Anyway if you don't like it, or are a homophobic, or are just uncomfortable with this content, don't read my story. I won't tolerate any hate comment! 

This story also contains dark themes such as abusive parents, toxic relationship, drug use and hallucinations. If you don't like it or are uncomfortable, or are triggered easily, please just leave. If you will continue anyway, please don't say rude things to me. I warned you. 

Two little spoilers~: Dazai is not real and the toxic relationship won't be with Dazai. I won't tell who it will be with ;). This fanfiction won't be long and the final will be a really plot twist though~. Maybe some of you will already guess lol! I don't know. 

Anyway enjoy~! 

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Chuuya was just 10 years old... 

"Did you draw on the walls again?" The little boy with orange hair and blue eyes was slapped by his own mother. 

"I-I'm sorry mother..." He whimpered and held his cheek, which was red from the slap, with his small hand. 

She slapped the little boy again. "I'm sick of cleaning these walls every day! Don't you have any mercy on me? What kind of child wouldn't have mercy on their mother?"

Because of his wife's yellings and his son's cries, Chuuya's father came out of his home office. "What is going on here?" 

Chuuya gulped. Over the years he learned not to talk with his father without his permission after being slapped several times. So he didn't say anything. He just stayed quiet. 

"This brat draw on the walls again!" His mother said. 

"Let's lock him into the basement." The father grabbed Chuuya's arm as he was dragging him to the basement. "Maybe he will come to his senses." 

The thing they didn't know was the basement where he was going to go completely crazy. 

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Little Chuuya was punching the wooden door. "Mom! Dad! Please let me out!" He was begging as he was crying. His hands were bloody because of pounding to the door so hard and his voice was hoarse because he was yelling on top of his lungs to be heard by his parents, but his parents didn't hear him... Or they just ignored him... 

When the little boy noticed his parents wouldn't let him out, he leaned his back against the wooden door and began sobbing quietly. He was tired, both mentally and physically. Years of abuse had exhausted him. He had no wish to live anymore. He was just 10 years old, but he was craving death. He was not even a teenager, but he was craving death. 

As a child, in Chuuya's eyes, his parents could do no wrong. They were his foundation by which he learned how to be treated. He was born believing his parents' intentions and actions were of pure and loving motives just like all children, but they weren't even though he wanted to believe in it, or hold onto it, so desperately. 

Before he saw the other children's relationships with their parents, Chuuya thought the way his parents were treating him was normal, but once he saw how the other children were with their parents he wondered why his parents were not like theirs. He was jealous of the relationship the other children had with their parents. They could talk about everything with their parents without fear unlike Chuuya. Chuuya couldn't share his fears, his dreams, his accomplishments, anything at all, with his parents. Because he knew they would just push him away. He didn't know which one was worse... Being ignored by the people who were supposed to love and protect him, support him through everything or being told that his hopes and his dreams meant nothing... In other words that he meant nothing... 

In front of other people, the abuse would take a different form. His parents always put their reputation first and always cared greatly about what the other people would think about them. Chuuya had to be the perfect child in the public. Polite... Seen and not heard... His parents were loving and literally adoring him in front of the other people, but once they went back to home, everything would be changed. At home they, especially his mother, would make him feel like he was a burden and that he was not worthy for their love and affection. He was still judged all the time... Instead of trying to understand him, they would just put him down. He was never good enough for them. He could never make them happy... 

He remembered the first, also it was the last, time he hugged his mother. He tried to feel something. Something about love... However, that hug had nothing to do with love. It was not different than hugging someone he didn't know. 'Why?' He thought to himself. Why was that? There was never a proper bond of love between him and his parents. Maybe he had unintentionally upset his mother. Maybe he had unintentionally angered his father. He didn't know. Maybe he should have tried harder to be loved by his parents. However, now he understood that he was not guilty. 

The worst part was they never believed that they were wrong. They would always think that someone else was to blame. Chuuya... When Chuuya told them that they had no rights to treat him like that, that they were toxic, he was slapped by his father. "You ungrateful brat!" His father spat at him and his mother began crying. "If we were really toxic parents would we send you to the best school? If we were really toxic parents would we do anything you want? If we were really toxic parents would we even clothe you and feed you?" Yes, they had done all of these for Chuuya, but they also made him feel like he was worthless. They made him feel like he was a burden. 

Sometimes he felt ungrateful for not loving his parents. Yes, they had abused him psychologically and physically, but they didn't leave him to an orphanage like a trash or they didn't try to sell him. However he still had questions in his mind that he couldn't find an answer. Did being parents mean they had any right to treat him like that? Did he have to love them even if they were abusing him just because they were his parents? 

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"Why are you crying?" Chuuya snapped out of his thoughts when an angelic voice he didn't hear before asked him. 

Chuuya looked up and saw a little boy with wavy brown hair and brown eyes who was around his age was standing next to him. He was skinny and there were bandages around his arms and legs. The brown haired boy crouched down next to Chuuya and wiped his tears gently. 

This touch was so gentle and loving... Chuuya had been craving a touch like that all his life. "Who are you?" He asked curiously. He wanted to know the first person who touched him tenderly for the first time in his life. 

"My name is Dazai." The boy with brown hair said. "Dazai Osamu." 

"I'm Chuuya. Nice to meet you Dazai." Chuuya gave a smile.

"Don't cry anymore, Chuuya. I will be by your side forever." Dazai said with a soft voice while stroking Chuuya's cheek gently. 

Chuuya didn't know why, but he trusted Dazai. After all he was like an orphan even though he had parents. He needed someone to trust. He had been craving for a person who he could trust. 

"Put your head on my knees." Dazai said with a soft voice. 

Chuuya was feeling sleepy and he laid on Dazai's knees. "Dazai... Can you sing a song for me? No one did this for me before..." 

Dazai smiled and began singing a song which Chuuya didn't hear before. "They lie, wide awake in love's embrace and then they will leave for home at their own pace. With them all the wrongs are now alright. Forever they do belong." 

Chuuya slowly fell asleep while Dazai was singing with his angelic voice. 

Yes, they did belong to each other forever. 

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When you clothe and feed your child and do everything he/she wants, your duty as a parent doesn't end there. You have to love your child unconditionally. Children don't have to try hard to be loved by their parents. 

To the people who is reading/will read my story: I love you! 

See you in the next chapters ^-^!