Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*49* Perth Nakhun

– We will prepare an Instagram post.

— That's a good idea, can I write a description?

— Sure, Annie, just don't go overboard with the sweetness.

— And that's exactly what I'm going to do.  Right now, I'm feeling inspired.

We shook our heads.  Annie made us laugh.  Looking at her, it was hard to believe that this young woman had wanted to commit suicide not so long ago.  She laughed a lot, talked to almost everyone, was full of energy and was always one of the first on set.  I looked at her forearms.  It was warm, so she put on a comfortable mint-colored short-sleeved dress.  Most of the scars were quite old, but some had a different, pinker tint, these must have been newer, perhaps not more than six months old.  That meant Annie needed someone who could protect her from her own thoughts.  And I want to be that person for her.  I don't know what she went through that left her with so many scars today, but I see her as someone incredibly strong and brave who didn't give up despite all the hardships.

For sure, living with a soft heart full of love for everyone is not easy, people come to you and use your innate kindness because they know that you will not refuse them.  Annie had to learn to say no, to put herself first. I know she hates it, but sometimes our own well-being is more important than the other person, especially when the other person is hurting us.

— You're looking at me — She half-stated, half-asked, never taking her eyes off her phone screen and continuing to tap her fingers rapidly on the tiny keypad on the display.  I noticed that this keyboard had my own photo as the background.  It was nice, and I was glad she didn't hide it from me.  Maybe she wanted me to see it.  Perhaps it was her way of showing emotion.  Because Annie can't say "I love you", she can write it, she can say it when it comes to fans or friends, she told me it was because they didn't say that kind of thing in her house and she just wasn't used to it  .

—  Yes.  Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

– No, it doesn't matter.  I know my scars are eye-catching, I regret every one of them, but I can't change my past now.  That's why sometimes I cover them by drawing something or writing with markers on the skin.  I used to be made fun of in high school for these scars, and I had a lot more back then.  Rich girls said I was showing off my wounds.  It never was.  I showed them because I wanted to be noticed, I wanted someone to help me, but instead they hurt me even more.

There was so much pain in her gaze that I felt the sudden urge to hug her and comfort her, which I did immediately.  I wrapped my arms around her tightly and pulled her to me.

— But you're safe now, no one will hurt you again, I promise — I said.

I touched her cheek and used my index finger to wipe away a tear that had formed there.

—  Uhm — She just nodded.

— Annie, don't think badly of yourself, don't blame yourself.  I don't know what you've been through, but I see what kind of person you are, and I believe that whatever it was, it wasn't your fault.

– How can you know?  You weren't there. — She said sadly without a hint of reproach, just stating a dry fact.

— You're right, I wasn't there, and I wish I had been there to protect you.

— You wouldn't, I was a really selfish idiot back then.  I thought only of myself, swindling my parents into expensive clothes and phones just to keep my small circle of friends around.  I didn't see how hard my parents worked for it, I didn't see their tiredness and despair, I thought they hated me.  I have scars because I couldn't cope with life.  And then mom got cancer, we had no money, dad broke his arm, I was still in the orphanage... I blamed myself.  Plus, I found out that I like women.  Then...