nobody shines the way you do » l.s.

part nineteen

And that just sucked, didn't it?

They were really good together, whether or not if they were just friends or more. He'd never met anyone like Harry and he just brightened up Louis' life so much since he came into it. What was Louis going to do now? It was over. The friendship, the memories, and everything else was all over. Harry couldn't come over and Louis couldn't see him. The mere thought of it hurt him so much.

Louis just wanted to stay there, stuck to that spot, because he didn't think if he got up and continued on, he'd be able to accept any of that.

As he sat there, his mind wandered to the whispered secrets shared whenever they were together at night. Was Louis crazy to think that he'd had a chance? Was he crazy to think that Harry was his? Harry made it seem like he was, but right now it didn't feel like it. It felt like something cheaper, like it was just sex and nothing else. No emotional attachment even though they'd kiss long after finishing and would whisper sweet nothings into each other's eats. Louis was always the second choice. Why would Harry go for him when he had his first?

Thinking of all that, he felt crazy and completely delirious with frustration.

Most of all, Louis also felt vulnerable, which was something he'd always hated.

After a while, Louis wondered if Harry was still there because it was really quiet sans for his sniffling. He wanted to get up and check through the peephole, but in the end, he slowly unlocked his door and twisted the knob, peeking out just to see Harry staring back at him from where he was sitting.

Harry moved closer to him when he saw Louis' tear-stained face. Before Louis could stop him, Harry opened the door completely and crawled in, pulling Louis into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he kept repeating while helping Louis onto Harry's lap while he sat with his back to the door.

Louis refused to look at him, trying to keep as strong of a front as he could even though his body felt limp and moved wherever Harry pulled. All he could hear from Harry's lips were, "It's okay, Lou. Lou, it's okay. It's okay. I've got you."

Louis' felt his heart sink at Harry's comforting words, his lips trembling as he let out another sob. Harry pulled him against his chest like a baby, pushing the hair out of his face and wiping his tears. "I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered. "Please believe me."

He cried until Harry tried to tilt Louis' chin to look up at him. Louis wouldn't and he resisted. Harry stopped trying and ran his thumb over Louis' cheek, wiping his tears. "Look at me," he tried, instead.

Louis shook his head once.

"Why not?" Harry asked, his voice near hysterical, sounding like he was close to crying, too. "I'm sorry. Please look at me."

"I can't," Louis cried, shaking his head.

"Louis, you're scaring me. Please don't do this."

"It's over, okay?" Louis said to him. "It's over--everything. We can't see each other anymore. I can't do it. I can't look at you. I feel so, so stupid."

"Why? You have no reason to feel stupid. Don't say things like that. I can't not see you, Lou. What are you saying?" Harry asked, sounding bewildered.

"We have to stop. I'm an idiot, Harry. Don't you get it? This was doomed from the start. This couldn't have worked. Not with how I felt for you."

How he felt for him went without saying and that said a lot to Louis. Harry quietly stroked his back while Louis cried harder at the fact that he'd never get to feel Harry do that again. "We can figure this out," Harry tried.