Blush

Decline

"I saw you put in the code." He growled, "You are in so much trouble little girl."

"No. I'm not." I returned, trying to keep my voice calm. "You told me I was in control. I could call it off whenever I wanted. Well, I'm done. Red. Mercy. Uncle."

"No. Absolutely not." Hunter replied, stalking me into a corner where he trapped me by placing his hands on either wall on either side of my head. "I was terrified. I thought something had happened to you. I thought someone took you."

"Not my fault." I insisted.

"Of course its your fault! If you want to be done you have to tell me! You can't just leave! I searched the park for an hour! I almost called the police!"

"I'm surprised you found the time. Last I saw you, your hands seems pretty full."I sneered.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just leave!" I cried, "Go away. I want to be alone."

"No! Dammit! You have to tell me what happened, what I did wrong. You just left Kate. You wouldn't answer my calls or texts. I. Was. Terrified."

"Leave me alone!" I shouted through my tears.

"No. You have to talk to me."

"I don't have to do anything!" I spat at him. Then I sobbed "If you want to talk to someone so bad - go talk to Ashely!"

"Why in the world would I talk to Ashley? I don't care about Ashely. I care about what happened to you."

"You sure seemed to care about Ashley when you were hugging her at the park!"

His face fell, "You saw that?"

"Yes! So leave me alone and go get back together with her like you always do. I'm not some toy that you can play with while you wait for her to want to get back together."

"Of course you're not, Kate. I never thought you were."

"I thought you meant it! I believed you. I am so stupid!"

"Sweetheart, listen. I ran into Ashely, yes. She wanted to know where her and I stood. I told her you and I finally got together. She hugged me because she was happy for me. That's all. I didn't lie to you."

I sniffed and sank to the ground, pulling my legs into my chest and my head into my knees. It couldn't be that simple. I couldn't have reacted so much to something that little.

"You told her," sob, "you were," sob, "choosing me?" Sob.

"Yes sweetheart. I told her I chose you." He sat in front of me. "I'm always going to choose you."

Limb by limb, he pried my defensive ball apart until I was pliable enough to be pulled into his lap. He wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around my neck and held me.

"Are you sure you want me?" I whimpered into his neck, "Clearly I am a huge mess."

"You're not a mess," he insisted. "You just really need someone to hold you like this. You need me."

"Are you really going to spank me?" I gasped through a break in my tears.

I felt his laugh more than I heard it, "No baby girl. I'm not going to spank you. Not today." He kissed my temple, "I think you have been through enough today."

"Kate." His voice was different, startled, "You're bleeding."

I stood quickly to find lines of blood creasing my shorts and dripping down my legs.

"Oh no. I reopened them." I muttered in a daze as I staggered to the bathroom. I peeled off the blood soaked shorts, placing them in the sink under cold running water. I threw the pieces of gauze in the trash, too soaked with blood to be of any use.

"You cut yourself." Hunter said softly from his silent stance at the door.

"I'm sorry." I blubbered from where I sat on the toilet using a cold cloth to clean the blood staining my legs.

He came and took the cloth from my hands. "Lay down." He ordered.

I hesitated for a moment before doing what he asked. Once I did, he began cleaning my legs.

"You don't have to do that." I protested, sitting up and reaching for the cloth.

He gently eased me back down, "Yes I do. You did this because...because of me."

I shook my head, "That's not fair. I was wrong."

"Just let Daddy do this for you, okay baby?" His eyes were filled with tears so I nodded and he returned to cleaning my legs. When he was working on the cuts I heard him whisper, "So many. So deep."

He layered gauze over the cuts, disappearing only for a moment to get another pair of athletic shorts from my room. He eased them up my legs, careful not to disturb the gauze. Once done, he gathered me in his arms and brought me back to my room.

He held me on my bed and we both trembled. They raked through our bodies.

"Kate." Hunter whispered through the shaking in his voice. "I want you to give me your knife."

I immediately started dry heaving. I raced for the bathroom covering my mouth. Then vomited until nothing but stomach acid was coming up. Then I kept going. Yellow green bile purging from my body. It continued until my legs gave out and I fell to my knees. Hunter picked me up again, trembling much less than before. He tucked us both into my bed, wrapping my extra fleece blanket around me as I shook and shivered.

"That wasn't the reaction I expected." He finally admitted.

"I must be sick."

He shook his head, "No. I think your having an anxiety attack."

"I didn't know they were like this."

"Well you also just tormented your body. I have half a mind to take you to the ER. Do you realize how many cuts you have? And how deep? I think some of them might need stitches."

I shook my head, "They don't need stitches. They always look like that."

"And that's why I want your knife."

I shook my head no before I even realized it.

"Why? Why not?"

I trembled and shook and quivered, finally managing to get the words out, "I. Need. It."

"And that Kate is exactly why you should give it to me. Do you understand how terrifying this is for me. If you were to do what you did to your legs to your arms? I would lose you." He choked on the last sentence.

"I have never cut my arms." I insisted. As though that made this any better.

"Not yet. But you quite literally mutilated your legs and treated it like it was nothing. Nothing! If I hadn't come to find you, no one would have ever know. Because this is normal to you. Do you not see how scary that is?"

"It's not that bad."

"You say that a lot. Sweetheart, it is that bad. Listen to me. You have *mutilated* your legs. Any one else would take you to the hospital. But I am selfish and am afraid they will take you away from me." He paused for a moment, "But I will. I'll take you to the hospital right now if you don't give me your knife. Please. Just tell me where it is."

The thought of going to the hospital scared me. But not nearly as much as giving up my knife.

"It keeps me safe." I whispered, trying to get him to understand.

"You don't need it to keep you safe anymore. I'm here. I'll keep you safe."

After a long time, probably too much time, I finally told him. He retrieved the box cutter blade and put it in his backpack. I sobbed, nearly telling him to give it back. But then he got in bed with me again and held me until I cried myself to sleep.