tw//implied suicide,
minor self harm
—
HE SMILED AGAIN. It was time to move on.
the reason for his smile was the detective. he has been helping kazuha ever since his ex lover had vanished from inazuma after their breakup.
kazuha was a mess, that was an understatement.
he blamed himself, felt a huge burden on his shoulders and was feeling guilty to the point he didn't ate for a 2 weeks straight and lived with water resources only.
heizou pulled him out of that hole and started to help him until the huge wound in his heart healed.
the pain in kazuha's chest increased the day he realised that scaramouche had left inazuma, probably forever.
his disappearance made him regret breaking up with scaramouche but they wouldn't have lasted long anyways.
heizou tried convince kazuha that the breakup wasn't his fault or scaramouche's.
that it was just the right person, but wrong time.
maybe in the next life they can live happily, but absolutely not in this one.
while kazuha was healing, scaramouche on the other hand was considering ending his pitiful life.
he planned to go to inazuma and act out of order to get slain by the raiden shogun, his sister who forgot him, so he could be reborn as someone else.
several decades ago his friend told him a beautiful yet foolish story.
,,i'm convinced that when dolls or puppets burn in a fire, their ashes will form a heart."
how desperate scaramouche wanted to test that theory but nahida beat him to it.
she felt something was bothering him for a long time so she did something she promised she wouldn't do.
she used her archon power to hear what scaramouche is thinking about and when she found out she was glad she used her powers.
she had prevented him from leaving sumeru and made him sit down on the flower in the sanctuary of surasthana and made him talk.
,,why...why do you wish to die?" the god of wisdom had asked her fellow sage.
,,let's turn that question around."
nahida looked at him with big eyes, feeling a huge emotion in her chest.
,,is there really any value, in this thing we call living?"
the dendro archon had widen her eyes when she heard those words.
pain is what nahida felt.
she promised to herself she would help him.
,,scaramouche," the wandering soul met eyes with his guardian who smiled at him softly.
,,vent to me."
scaramouche broke down completely and spilled everything.
,,it's so hard when i feel so fucking unwanted. I'm repeating the things he said constantly on loop in my head and- and maybe I wasn't made to be loved? was I raised without love or was I born unlovable?"
nahida listened carefully.
,,if I'm not hurting myself..I'm hurting everyone around me..I wanted to help the people but I feel like the more I help the more I hurt them. It's my fault right?"
her heart broke when he said word for word. it pained her but she will do everything in her power to make him happy again. to make him feel glad he's alive.
—
A/N: this got deep pretty quick
i just had to use the bsd reference for scaramouche
YOU ARE READING
regrets ; 𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙠𝙖𝙯𝙪𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙖
同人小说- he loved him yet he couldn't bare to see him hurt. he had no idea he was hurting him more with his actions. ꕥ not proofread yet. this is not an x reader!! i do not own the characters used in the book! they belong to hoyoverse!
