THE YOUNG MAN was having a mental breakdown.
which one you might ask?
the one who realised he's hurting the other one, of course!
how he hurts the other?
he's mortal and his lover is immortal. he will pass away and his lover will stay in the world and grieve and probably isolate himself for decades.
his heart clenched and broke thinking about the far away future. he couldn't imagine his lover going through such pain, and possible start forgetting about his partner who had passed.
this was life, right?
people die, people live.
and the people who live they have a certain, survivor guilt.
life is a dangerous system. you try and survive in this system or you're consumed by the shadows of the world and get corrupted.
isn't this what scaramouche went through?
he tried to survive after he was abandoned and betrayal after betrayal he was consumed by thought of revenge. the shadows of the the world, the fatui.
,,if he leaves wouldn't it be past repeating itself?"
nahida had no words after scaramouche had asked her this.
,,weren't you ready for your past to catch up with you?"
scaramouche knew she was right. he did say that the day he got his memories back, 2 years ago.
,,you said that no matter the consequences, you won't run from blame or punishment."
there wasn't any arguing. pure silence between the two immortals.
and she was right.
scaramouche was ready for the consequences.
he promised to change his destiny with being true to his past crimes.
but maybe he's fearing what pain he would feel.
if kazuha were ever to leave him for whatever reason, may be his mortality or something else he would be braced for the event.
he just hopes that won't be the case for the next decades. he wants to be with his lover for as long as possible.
imagining this life without him was something scaramouche doesn't do. kazuha was patient with him, loving with him, careful and gentle.
scaramouche was more than grateful to have someone like kazuha in his life to love.
but even love comes to an end.
kazuha was having a panic attack thinking about it. love comes to an end?
he was on the verge of tears with multiple thoughts of his lover.
it would be his fault when scaramouche goes back to his old ways.
you hear that kazuha?
your fault.
kazuha started sobbing as he sat on their shared bed. his mind was eating him up. he didn't know what to do now.
why were these thoughts coming now? why didn't he thought about the situation when scaramouche said he's immortal?
he knew he was immortal from the start, he knew better than to fall Inlove with someone who continues to live for more than thousands of years, different than any other normal human beings.
he knew better.
I knew better.
kazuha wiped his tears away but it was of no use. more came down rolling his rosy cheeks. he wanted to be the strongest for scaramouche but now he couldn't be.
what was worse was that he promised scaramouche something. such a mistake, it was.
,,i couldn't even think of ever leaving you. I promise you I will always be by your side, scaramouche."
he promised.
he knows that scaramouche was in deep problems with himself after he was betrayed three times by people who he thought loved him.
leaving him would be the fourth time someone would be betraying him after promising never to leave him.
kazuha cries more and uneven breathing echoes in the small cottage the two had.
he was sobbing so much he started to choke and couldn't breath properly anymore. he felt a heavy and huge weight in his throat that just made him cry more.
he couldn't stay anymore but he knew he had to talk to scaramouche as soon as possible.
he tries to force his sobbing to stop but it doesn't help. he had to collect his mind and thoughts how he should start talking about it.
he wanted to say it to scaramouche without hurting his feelings any more.
he couldn't help but let more salty tears fall thinking about his reaction when he hears what kazuha has to say.
it was breaking kazuha more. his mentality was on a very thin and tense line.
ВЫ ЧИТАЕТЕ
regrets ; 𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙠𝙖𝙯𝙪𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙖
Фанфик- he loved him yet he couldn't bare to see him hurt. he had no idea he was hurting him more with his actions. ꕥ not proofread yet. this is not an x reader!! i do not own the characters used in the book! they belong to hoyoverse!
