Live, Laugh, Loathe

Chapter 35: Damon

Two Months Later

I find Drew in the nursery, rocking Sofia. Judging by the burp cloth and boob hanging out of her shirt, she just finished nursing.

My heart hurts at the sight of them, all snuggled up in the rocker. I didn't know a person could love other humans as much as I do my girls. Life hasn't been easy these last two months; newborns are hard. But man, I wouldn't change it for the world.

"Drew, we gotta go. We'll be late for the party if we don't leave in five minutes." She nods and kisses Sofia's brow before standing up, continuing to rock the sleeping baby. I walk over and pull down the flap of her nursing shirt to cover her boob. Sometimes she forgets.

"Thanks." She tips her head up, and I don't hesitate to kiss her quick before giving Sofia my own kiss on her little head, filling my lungs with her milky baby scent. Drew then gently puts her down in the crib, moving as gently as possible. Sofia has been a bit ornery lately, so we have to be super careful not to jostle her during the transfer to the crib.

As soon as it looks like we're clear, Drew and I exit, closing the door softly behind us.

"Give me two minutes to change, and I'll be good to go." I chuckle to myself and go join Matilda in the living area. Drew says two minutes, but really it will be ten. Might as well relax while I wait.

"Thank you again for babysitting tonight, Matilda. Drew has been really nervous about leaving her for the first time with someone other than us, so I know you being here helps her feel better."

"Nonsense! I love babies. No need to thank me. A few hours of exclusive Sofia time is reward enough. You two just have fun." Matilda has been our hero since coming home from the hospital. I have no idea how new parents do this without additional help. The laundry alone is a full-time job.

I'm supposed to return to work in a week, and I'm incredibly reluctant. I'm so lucky we prepped so well for my absence, it allowed me to take two additional weeks of leave, so I could stay with Drew and Sofia for a full eight weeks. Even so, the thought of going back before Drew is painful.

I plan to discuss our parental leave standards at the next executive meeting and see if we can't make it one policy. While ours is comparatively progressive for a for-profit corporation in the US, we still treat mothers and fathers differently, which is wrong. And honestly? We as a company can easily afford it; there's no reason to not have an even better policy.

Precisely ten minutes later, Drew comes out in a long sleeve wrap dress and tights. Since she's still nursing and needs to keep a good schedule, she has her portable pump slung over her shoulder. We say goodbye to Matilda and are finally on our way.

When we arrive, the party is in full swing. Danny and Richard are celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary with what looks like every person they've ever met. Those two love to host, so I'm not surprised it's a big event.

We're barely through the door before Rachel pops out of nowhere and tackles Drew.

"You came! OHMYGODIAMSOHAPPYYOUAREHERE!!!!" She sloshes her drink as she rocks Drew side to side. Collin is close behind, laughing at his wife.

"Sorry, Drew. She's officially dried up breastmilk-wise and is now a lightweight. Honey, maybe you should let Drew take her coat off before you maul her?" Collin and I hug while Drew extracts herself from Rachel's grip.

"Hi Rachel, I'm glad I came too. Even though it was really hard to leave."

"Oh honey, I know. Post-partum fucking sucks sometimes. Did you contact that therapist I recommended?" They link arms and head in, with Collin and I close behind. He and I share a meaningful look as our ladies discuss letting go of the taboo behind post-partum depression and seeking help.

We're very fortunate to be able to afford treatment from someone who understands the intricacies of post-partum. Many women seek help and are either told their feelings are made up or have CPS called on them. Drew has had three sessions, and I already see an improvement. I mean, we were able to come out tonight, which before starting therapy, she would have shut down.

I've also started my own therapy journey. My anxiety over fatherhood and Sofia's health skyrocketed after she was born. It turns out I've been anxious since my parents passed; I just could pretend it wasn't a problem until I had a daughter. It has been really good to talk to someone about my worries and unpack some of my trauma surrounding my parents' death. I definitely have a long way to go, but just knowing I'm working on it makes me proud of myself.

Collin and I get separated from the girls, so we find the food and park it there, sharing the million and one photos we've taken of our children. Max is six months old now and a freaking tank. Baby rolls for days.

"Dude, we can barely keep up. He's bursting out of all his clothes. And his grip? Terrifying how strong it is. He pulled out a chunk of Rachels's hair the other day, and I thought she would have a bald patch." Collin mock shivers.

"Something to look forward to. Sofia's nails are the worst. Look at this!" I pull up my shirt to show off the long red scratch on my chest Sofia gifted me a few days ago. "I was shirtless because it was, maybe, two in the morning, and she managed to drag her razor-sharp fingernail across my chest. She even drew blood. And nail trimming is next to impossible; she hates it and fights it every step of the way. We try to do it while she's asleep, but she almost always wakes up. I'm going to start needing armor." We laugh because the fact that we need protection from our babies is a bit ridiculous.

"Any update on you and Drew? I know last time we talked, you weren't really sure." I sigh; I honestly don't know. My therapist keeps urging me to talk about my feelings with Drew, but something comes up whenever I think I'm going to do it.

"Nothing, really. Only that I know, I want to be her partner for the rest of my life. I've tried to say something a couple of times, but it's hard. Especially since she's been struggling since Sofia was born." I scan the crowd and spot Drew talking with a group of women and Rachel.

She must sense me watching her because she starts to scan the area before finding me. She smiles when we lock eyes and waves. Good, I'm glad she's having fun. I smile back even though it hurts a little. I wish I didn't still feel this way, like the moment I admit my feelings, she'll bolt. Objectively, I know that isn't true. We literally spend our days exactly how a couple in love would, and talking about our feelings out loud is the healthy next step. But fear is a powerful thing.

"I'm sorry, man, I can't imagine not telling Rachel how much I love her every day. Maybe you just need to rip off the band-aid and blurt it out? Stop waiting for the perfect time and just do it." I nod; he's right. I just need to do it.

I continue to watch Drew from across the room. She's laughing, and I'm having a weird déjà vu moment. To think, I saw this woman across the room at a club a year ago and fell hard. I never could have guessed we'd be here now, but fuck is it the best thing to ever happen.

Now I just have to figure out how to make surewe keep building this together.