I'm Dating My Cold Professor

Phase II

Until our love...

Time is constant. Change is inevitable. And people, they seem unpredictable. Time flies. People change. As they say.

Time heals wounds. Time eats every boring moments. Time can change everything. Time can do anything. Time can bring love. But can it also bring back the love?

Maybe it's not the time after all. It's time. Nothing could stop that. I couldn't even blame time. It's me, afterall. It's the people who change, not time. So it must be people who can bring back the love. 

Can I bring back his love?

I stare at my notes in my Literature 4 class. Mr. Demory explains. I barely listen. Then, I stare at my watch. Time seems so slow today.

Why am I thinking about him? It's been a long time...

Tick tock tick tock

I sighed. Time eats all the boring moments. Very slowly. I tried to listen to my professor again. Now, I focused myself in reading Tristan and Isolde's story. That forbidden love.

I smiled. It's not even the same story of us. It's different. But the love, it's almost the same. I thought.

The story is tragic. Just like Romeo and Juliet. I smile again. I had this weary feeling. And yes, everyday I had this feeling. Now, I must have think randomly. Earlier, I was just thinking about time. Now, it's the literature.

I shrug the thoughts. Everyday, I had this. Every literature, whenever there's a tragic story. Our love is tragic. No one dies but my heart does. No one dies but I weep.

I shook my head and tried to concentrate. I glanced at the door. There's a man walking there. He passed by our classroom as though he is a wind. But I totally saw his face. I was numb in my seat. I stared at the door. He wasn't there anymore.

Suddenly, I stood up. The class has been interrupted by me. Mr. Demory asked me something. I didn't answer. I just stare at the door, slowly picking up my books.

"LOCKSER!" Mr. Demory yelled. I used to flinched whenever he yelled. Today, I didn't.  I didn't even care to whatever he says.

"I'm sorry. I feel sick." I said. I really feel sick, right now.

I walked down through the door, still staring at the door like it's some light from heaven and up. I saw him. He is here?

I wanted to curse. He's here. I walked through the direction he went. I scanned all the rooms. At the fourth scan, I saw girls giggling like highschool students. They're sophomore as I remember. I was always greeted by them.

I frowned, wondering what or why they're giggling. Then, I looked up to the white board. My heart thumps. Crap! It's not a what or why. It's a who.

Tears started to form. No. It can't be. It's real. He's back.

And then, I remember. The time. The time he has given me. The time he gave me for him to run away.

I took a deep breath. Why does he have to be here? I wiped my eyes. I still couldn't believe it.

"Prof. Gray Fullbuster" written on the board.

I stood there outside of the room. My body feels so weak. My knees are even shaking. My feet can't move. Why? Why does he have to be here again?

I looked at him. After two years, I saw him again. He's still the same although some features of his face have grown or matured. I bet he's 27 by now. It's been two long years. I can do math too. The last time I saw him, he has stubble on his chin, disheveled hair, red and tired eyes. Now, I'm seeing the opposite. But still, the same effect on me. He's still painfully attractive.

It's painful seeing him again. I know I should have moved on by now. I know that in time we will meet again.

He left Magnolia after the day we said each other goodbye. I was shocked when I heard it from Mira. I didn't even think that he will leave. He resigned in this university. I remember crying all day because of that. But I know, I have no right to cry. I gave up on him. He left. He left because he got his heart broken by me. He left because I can't be brave for him. He left because I'm not enough for him.

I was staring at him. Gladly, only few people are here in the hall. They might see me as strange person standing here but I don't care anymore. I can not move my body.

"Hey Juvia," someone greeted me. I snapped out of my thoughts. He's my classmate in Statistics 3. "Are you alright?"

I slowly nodded. I feel like my head is spinning. Then, the guy walked away from me. I lost my senses again. I talked to myself.
I thought years are enough for me to move on from things. Tragic, isn't it? I thought it is better for us to be apart. I thought I wouldn't miss him so much. Sadly, seeing him today didn't change the love I still feel for him.

I looked at him again. To my surprised, he's stared back. There! I saw his eyes again. It means, he's real. My heart leaps. It seems that my heart wakes up from the grave. I thought you're already dead, heart. Did you just turn into a zombie heart?

I shook my head. I'm getting crazy. I closed my eyes so tears won't escape.

I opened my eyes. He's not looking anymore. He's busy introducing himself on the class. Did he even look at me? I asked. I must be hallucinating. Maybe some part of me wants him to look at me. Am I delusional?

I breathe. I tried to catch my breath. I tried to move my legs. And I thank all the Gods that I'm able to move. I walked away. That's what should I do. I wasn't supposed to be here anyway. I should be studying and listening to Mr. Demory. I should be studying Tristan and Isolde. And the other lessons.

Everything was just a memory. A painful one. A wonderful one. Time passed and here we are. Here I am, alone. Here I am, reminiscing a memory from that time. Time passed. Memories fade. Why am I still clinging to it anyway?

He is here again, Juvia. As a professor, again. It does show that you can't be together. We can't be together. Maybe the reason why he left is to forget me. Maybe he has moved on. Not to give me time.

I keep on thinking and thinking the day he left. The day he resigned. Everybody was sad. Everybody talked about it for weeks. Everybody asked why. Including me. I searched for answers. I asked Lyon. He said nothing. And it was obvious. The answer is obvious. He left because of me. He left because he couldn't handle seeing me anymore. The girl he had loved but gave up on him. The girl he had loved but made his heart broken.

And now, he's here. He already saw me. It does mean he had moved on. He was over it. He was over for us. Maybe the pain had gone so is the love. I felt a pang in my chest. I blamed myself. You're the one who give up, Juvia. He did everything for you. Don't act like you're the victim here!

I sat down on the grass in an open ground. I wiped my tears. I remembered it clearly. That day we said goodbye to each other. That day when I felt his kiss on my lips. That day when he cried. That day when he let me go.

Until our love meet again, Gray.

I wiped my tears again. I'm going home. I don't feel like going to class anymore. So I stood up and inhaled. I tried to smile but I know I can't. So my face remained blank.

Until our love meet again, Gray. That's the words that I've said to myself when I felt him kissing me two years ago.

It hurts. He is already fine. He's fine without me. Our love would never meet again. I know that for sure. 'Cause there's no more love in him.

Until our love meet again, Gray.

But I don't think it will be. It will never be. Ours will never meet, Gray. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault.