Trailing Stars (Trailing Stars #1)

Chapter 19

I nod like he can see me. "It definitely went better than I expected. How'd the rest of the open mic go?"

"Same as always. What'd you think of sharing your poem?"

I bark out a laugh, running a hand through my hair. "Never doing it again."

He laughs. If I shut my eyes, I can see his starry eyes glimmer. "I think you're being overdramatic. It looked like everyone liked your poem. And it sounds like Kate did, too."

"She never actually said that."

"Well... then I liked your poem."

"I liked yours, too."

The moment the words leave my mouth, I swear the energy on the other end of the line feels more alive. I can feel the anticipation through the phone. Especially when Nathan asks, "Really?"

I sit up, feeling the anticipation seep into me. I tug on the ends of my hair, looking at the red color. "Yeah. Really." I swallow. "Um..." I drop my hand in my lap and sit back against my bed. "Kate says she thinks it's about me, but—I don't know—that's weird, right?"

I hear Clara's voice in the background say, "This is why you don't express things like this through poems, you idiot."

I'm sure Nathan says something back or at least makes a face at her, but I can't really tell from his voice. If anything, it comes out carefully neutral. "No." Nathan clears his throat. "Not weird at all. Because she's right." He lets out a nervous laugh. "I was kind of hoping it would be obvious since...we collided..."

Clara lets out a groan. "Just say you kissed. It's not that hard."

Nathan sighs. "Since we kissed, I thought the poem would be obvious."

I look down at my lap as a smile stretches across my face. I can't tell if it's from Nathan admitting the poem is about me or the fact that he found our first kiss important enough to tell Clara. My brain decides to short-circuit before it can decide, and the only thing that can come out of my mouth is, "Oh."

Nathan laughs nervously again. "'Oh' like 'oh, that's great' or 'oh' like 'oh, that's really terrible?'"

"Definitely the first one."

He exhales. "Good. I didn't want you to feel awkward about it or anything."

"I don't. But to be honest, I probably need to hear or read the poem again because I was too nervous about reading mine to really pay attention."

"I'll read it to you in private at some point."

My smile somehow expands. "I'd like that."

I hear the smile in Nathan's voice, too, as he says, "Me too."

We talk for a while longer with Clara chiming in every once in a while. Eventually, Kate bursts into my room, demanding to talk to Clara. I tell my friends I'll be back and hand the phone to Kate. I grab some clothes and head to the bathroom, bumping into Hannah in the hallway.

She studies me, her frown deepening with every little detail about me she takes in. My damp hair. The color in my cheeks—maybe from the cold, maybe from Nathan. The wet splotches on my clothes.

"You and Kate were out pretty late," she finally says.

I shrug. "We were at the open mic."

"Uh-huh..." Hannah narrows her eyes. "I'm glad you're having fun, but you're usually more careful about staying out so late. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Mom and Dad said it was okay, so I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it."

"Because last January—" Hannah cuts herself off, gritting her teeth. She takes a deep breath, her expression gradually calming down. "I'm just really worried about you, okay? I don't want anything to happen to you."

I nod, glancing away. My stomach ties itself into knots, and it feels like something's pressing down on my chest. Maybe I can talk to Kate, Nathan, and Clara about Morgan now, but hearing the worry and... anger... in Hannah's voice whenever the thought crosses her mind makes the guilt wash over me. If this happens every single time she references Morgan, how will I make myself ask to go to Morgan's grave?

Hannah sighs, putting her hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you upset or anything. I just—"

"You're worried," I finish for her, taking a step back. "I know."

She nods, letting out a breath. "Good."

Hannah brushes past me like that's all she needed to hear. But it's not all I need to say. And I don't know if I can ever really say everything I need to say to Hannah. But... I peek in my room where Kate is laughing at something my friends say. If her smile is that broad, I can only imagine how broad Nathan's and Clara's smiles are.

Maybe I can't say everything I need to say to Hannah—yet—but at least I can say it to someone now. And that's one less trailing star to worry about.