Trailing Stars (Trailing Stars #1)

Chapter 16

Instead of responding, he leans forward. My eyes shut right when I feel his breath on my lips. Then, I feel the lightest brush of his lips against mine. He starts to pull away, but I close the gap again. I think that's the permission he's waiting for because he cups my jaw, deepening the kiss and warming me from the inside out. Nathan may say I'm a star, but I feel as selfish as a black hole, wanting to take in every bit of him—his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his light—just to call him mine.

I'm ready to do exactly that and stay in this moment when my phone starts to chime. Over and over again. We ignore it the first time. The second time, I want to throw my phone out the window. The third time, Nathan sighs against my mouth and pulls back, a disappointed smile on his face.

"I guess I should walk you to the door," he says, settling back in his seat to cut the engine. He smiles over at me as he pockets his keys. "It was nice to collide with another star, though."

Oh. So that's where his mind went to. Somewhere brighter. I nod slowly. "Yeah... Exactly what I was thinking..."

He squints at me. I get out of the car before he can see my guilty smile, but he definitely did since he's laughing. He doesn't comment on it, though, interlacing his fingers with mine as he walks me to the front door. When we're on the porch, he lets go of my hand so I can pull my keys out.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asks.

I nod. "I'll be at Poems and Tales."

"Do you need a ride?"

I shake my head. "I can walk. It's okay."

He frowns. "Still uncomfortable and guilty?"

Honestly, not at all. Not when Nathan was distracting me from everything I usually feel when I'm in a car. But driving would mean getting to the open mic too quickly, and I need more time to clear my head and prepare myself to read about Morgan to an audience of strangers.

"Not with you," I say.

He smiles. "Good. I'm glad you're comfortable with me."

"Me too." We take each other in for a second longer. I want to be selfish like a black hole again, but my phone chimes. I bite back a sigh. "I guess I should head inside. But thank you." I can't stop the smile from spreading on my face. "For everything today."

He smiles back with a nod. "Of course, Mona." He hesitates before he quickly kisses my cheek. "Good night."

I feel a blush creeping up my neck, and I hope Nathan will chalk it up to the cold. "Good night."

I watch him walk back to his car, waiting for him to climb in before I unlock the front door. I don't hear him drive away until the door is shut behind me. I smile at it like I can still see Nathan. Even when Hannah calls my name, it takes a second for the fuzziness to slip away.

I slowly turn around to face her. "Hi."

She narrows her eyes, studying me. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "I'm okay." I walk past her, hugging the journal to my chest. "It was a really good day."

I hear her follow me. "Was it? What'd you do today?"

"Talk. Read and write." Be a black hole in the best way possible. Or a star colliding with another one according to Nathan.

We pause outside my bedroom, and Hannah eyes the journal in my arms. "Can I read some of what you wrote?"

I tighten my grip on my journal. Hannah catches it and narrows her eyes. I laugh off the tension. "They're not good."

"I'm sure they're great. I read all the poems you gave us for Christmas, and they were really good."

Does she even know what they mean? "Sure, but that was when Nathan read over them for me."

She straightens. "Right, and Nathan was the one that dropped you off?" I nod. "How are things with him?"

I feel my smile come back. "Really good." More than she'll ever know. "I like hanging out with him and Clara."

Hannah's jaw tightens. "Yeah?" I nod. "So does that mean you want to invite them over for your birthday?"

My mind flashes to Morgan. "Well... I would love to, but I think I might want to do something else, too." Hannah arches an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath, feeling my heart pound against my chest to a different adrenaline rush. Less passion. More fear. "So... you know how this is kind of the first birthday that I'm celebrating by myself?"

Hannah's eyes widen, and she lets out a nervous laugh. "You're not celebrating it by yourself, though. We'll all be here."

I blink, nodding. "Yeah, I know, but—"

"Great." She clasps her hands together. "I'm glad you know that. So if you need help thinking about what you really want to do for your birthday, let me know. I think it'd be really fun to stay here. At home." Her smile is already strained, but it somehow becomes even more so as she adds, "You can even invite Nathan and Clara to celebrate if you really want to."

"Oh..." I feel my heart pound for an entirely different reason. It stops the words I really want to say from finding their way out of my mouth. "Yeah. Sure. I'll think about it some more."

Hannah nods, exhaling. "Sounds good." She forces her smile to soften. "Maybe you should get ready for bed. I'm sure you're tired."

Before I can say anything, Hannah turns and heads downstairs. I let out a breath and walk into my room, shutting the door behind me. I drop my journal on my bedside table and lie on my bed, so I'm facing the window. I shut my eyes and try not to think about how I let Hannah redirect the conversation like that. There was a time when I would be the one doing that. I don't want to think about when or how or why we switched roles.

I start to drift off to sleep when I feel my phone vibrate. I reach into my pocket to pull it out and smile at the screen when I see Nathan and Clara started a group chat. I open my texts, my eyes landing on Morgan's name.

For a moment, I start to tap on our text thread, but I stop. For once, I don't feel like I have to read our texts. I don't feel guilty or empty or really anything when I decide to open the group chat with Nathan and Clara instead. So maybe there's a point to talking about things after all.