Trailing Stars (Trailing Stars #1)

Chapter 16

I run my hand over the star on the journal. "I guess, but thinking about yourself is scary."

Nathan goes quiet, his eyes becoming brighter and more intense. He studies me, his eyes flickering across my face. When he finally whispers, it feels like he's shouting into an empty void, his voice echoing over and over again as his words wash over me.

"I don't think it's that scary to look into you," Nathan says.

I shake my head. "That probably just means you don't know a lot about me then."

A corner of his mouth turns up. "I'd like to."

I glance away, pressing my lips into a thin line to stop myself from smiling. "Not a lot of people would tell me that." I hesitate before quietly adding, "Especially when Morgan was alive."

Nathan doesn't say anything right away. The quiet rumble of the engine fills the silence, and the dark, rose color of the light reflecting off the snow gives the car a warm atmosphere. That and... the way Nathan is looking at me right now. Like I'm a trailing star. That warms the atmosphere, too.

Except I don't think he should be looking at me like that. Not after I told him about Morgan.

"Do you remember how I told you that I think I'm a black hole?" I ask. Nathan nods. "I think I've always been a black hole. But if I wasn't one before, I wasn't a star either. Not compared to Morgan." I laugh softly, staring at the dashboard. "He was a supernova through and through." I grip my journal, surprised it doesn't bend under the pressure. "I don't hate him for that. I liked being in his orbit as much as anyone else did, but I think the more he was afraid to lose his brightness, the more he did. At least to me."

I tuck my hair behind my ear, still not looking at Nathan. "So if I wasn't a black hole before, I became one when Morgan's image started exploding before me. But if I was always a black hole, maybe it was my fault that Morgan exploded. And maybe that's why people hated me. Not because of anything Morgan asked me to do."

Nathan's hand brushes against mine, and I let him grasp it. "Just because Morgan was a supernova doesn't mean you didn't shine as brightly as he did."

I give him a tight-lipped smile. "I think a lot of people would disagree with you, but thanks."

He squeezes my hand. "Well, if you don't think you're a supernova, that's fine because it means you won't burn out anytime soon and I get more time to get to know you."

My lips part as I inhale. I pull my hand away to tuck my hair behind my ear again, looking down at the center console. "Is that a good thing?"

He laughs. "Yeah. Definitely. I think anyone would be lucky to get to know you." Like he knows he should reaffirm the thought, he says, "A trailing star, through and through." I swallow, feeling the corners of my lips tug up no matter how much I try to fight it. Nathan laughs. "You have to know that you're a lot of people's trailing star."

I shake my head. "I only know that I'm yours. And that's only because you told me."

He shifts closer. "I think I have to tell you more often that you're my trailing star."

"Nathan—"

"I want to, Mona."

He says it so matter-of-factly and so sincerely that I don't doubt it. And he looks at me with such intensity that I know for sure that he means it. We sit in silence, taking each other in. His eyes flicker across my face, taking in everything about me. The more he does, the more his eyes shine.

"Trailing star," he whispers into the silence of the car, shifting forward. "Mona?"

I swallow. "Yeah?"