Trailing Stars (Trailing Stars #1)

Chapter 14

Anyway, assuming you're reading this, I wanted to tell you that you're a great writer whether you want to admit that or not (you should admit it since it's the truth), and you have a lot of worthwhile things to say (undeniable). You obviously don't want to say any of it aloud (very true), and that's what this journal is for. So if you want to write in it, great. I'll always be there to read and talk about whatever you wrote if you want (how sweet). Or in Clara's case, even if you don't want to (not as sweet, but annoyingly accurate). Like you said—or wrote—in that first poem, "Those quiet murmurs/I say to you will never be/loud enough to reach you./But that never stopped you from hearing them" (great line). We'll always hear those words you have to say. Even when you don't want us to (he forgot to add it's because we're your friends). Keep that in mind.

Sincerely,

Nathan (and Clara)

P.S. These are my and Clara's phone numbers below. This is just in case you can't sleep. Now we can talk or even drive you around instead of you walking out on your own.

(P.P.S. Call me first)

I shut my eyes, trying not to laugh in case it wakes anyone up. These two are so sweet. It almost makes the pins and needles disappear, but I know they're still there. Instead of staying on the surface, it's like they're pushing themselves deeper into my skin every time I press down on my phone as I add Nathan's and Clara's numbers to my contacts.

I stare at their names in my recently added section. I know Clara told me to call her first, but I find myself pressing Nathan's name. Instead of calling, I text him, so technically, I'm not betraying Clara in any way.

Me: Hey. It's Mona.

I don't expect a response at this time, but the typing indicator pops up almost immediately.

Nathan: Hey. What's up? Did you need a ride anywhere?

Me: No. Just couldn't sleep. Sorry if I woke you up.

Nathan: You didn't. I was already awake. Did you want to talk?

Me: If you want to.

Nathan: I'll call you, okay?

Me: Okay.

I silence my phone right when Nathan's name pops up on my screen. I answer, placing the phone against my ear. In a quiet voice, I say, "Hey."

A slight pause. "Hey. Are you okay?"

I run a hand over my blanket, staring at the wall across from me. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"Are you sure? Do you want to add Clara to the call? Will talking to her make you feel better?"

"No, no." I take a deep breath. "Can we—Can I—Is it okay if we were on the call? Just us for now?"

Nathan doesn't say anything right away, but I can imagine he's nodding. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want."

Neither of us says anything for a long time. We sit in silence. For all I know, Nathan could've put the phone on mute and gone to do something else. But knowing him, he's still on the other end, sitting in silence with me. It's comforting in a way that silences usually aren't. It makes the pins and needles ebb away. Soon enough, my heart rate slows, and it feels a lot easier to breathe.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"For what?"

For getting me a Christmas gift. For talking to me about poems. For talking to me about stars. For being a star. For making me feel like a star. For being so kind. For being a good friend. For being thoughtful. For being so wholeheartedly him.

"Just thank you," I say.

He laughs softly. "No problem, I guess." I hear him shift. "Do you need anything right now? Why are you awake?"

"A lot of thoughts."

"About what?"

Morgan. Old friends. Old memories. "Trailing stars."

He shifts again. "What are your trailing stars?"

I sit back against the headboard, hugging my pillow to my chest. I don't really know how to explain any of it to Nathan. I don't even really know how to explain it to myself. Everything I think is a trailing star tonight is so far in the past and yet so present. I don't know if there's really any way to grasp them.

"I don't really want to talk about my trailing stars," I say. "I think I just want a distraction."

Nathan doesn't try to change my mind or press me. "We should call Clara then. She's always good for a distraction."

I don't know if he means that as a compliment or an insult, but it's not a bad idea at all. Clara really is nice to have around if I want to take my mind off of things. And the moment she picks up, she helps me do exactly that, grumbling at Nathan for waking her up and then grumbling at me for not calling her first even though she explicitly told me to.

When she gets over it, we talk about anything that comes to mind. Favorite holidays. Favorite colors. Hypothetical world-ending situations. And birthdays.

"Your birthday is coming up?" Clara exclaims. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Didn't seem important." Not when Morgan isn't here.

"I'm pretty sure the day you were born is pretty important," Nathan laughs.

"Even when the birthday girl didn't call me first," Clara grumbles.

I laugh. "It's not my birthday yet."

"Still," Nathan says. "It's a good day to celebrate. You should've told us sooner, so we could've planned something out."

"We could plan something out now," Clara points out. "What do you want for your birthday, Mona?"

I run a hand through my hair. "More sleep."

Nathan and Clara laugh, but I don't think they realize how much I actually mean it right now. Even if talking to them makes me think I'm about to grasp some trailing stars.

"We can talk later," Nathan says.

Clara yawns. "At a reasonable time, right?"

We decide to meet at two in the afternoon on the school's roof. When we hang up, I stare at my screen as it flashes Nathan's and Clara's names before blinking out. I really should get some sleep, but I take a moment to hold my phone to my chest and shut my eyes.

The pins and needles are gone, and all I really feel is warmth. And all I really see are stars.