The Spanish Spotlight (LSD, #4)

3. Centerfold

Centerfold

"Look, Arse! These clothes are AWESOME!"

"Don't thank me, Chelsea. Thank the fashion designer."

Chelsea runs to the photographer, jumps on her neck (she almost drops the exorbitant expensive camera along with the even more expensive lens she was connecting to it) and kisses her on the cheek: "Thank you, thank you, these clothes are AWESOME!"

The photographer shows a faint smile; she knows what looking good does to you. Chelsea looks good. Someone tamed her carrot-orange half-long curls in a topknot, her freckles have disappeared behind half a kilo of river clay, her light eyelashes have been painted black which makes her green eyes even prettier, and the lipstick on her thin lips has to be redone again because it was designed to smile and not to smear on the face of a photographer.

The light architect has placed a large mirror nearby, so Chelsea can admire herself. Mirrors drive her crazy. I guess it's the American culture: they cover 800-metres-tall buildings completely with mirrors, to see their own ego.

These clothes make her look good. The ragged jeans she wore this morning might have cost a fortune, but all they show is 'too much', of everything. This black summer dress with an elegant print of white orchids and the broad leather belt give her the curves of a Spanish guitar. Well... Make that a Spanish bass guitar because even Houdini himself can't make Chelsea's overweight disappear. We didn't hire Harry Houdini. We've hired The Nerd and Photoshop. Chelsea's smile doesn't need Photoshop: its authentic pleasure favours her more than the dress. Elegant black shoes with sturdy heels and some silver (or silver looking) jewellery give the finishing touch. Chelsea looks good.

Belén, the photographer, talks constantly to Chelsea while she shoots photos from different angles: "You look good. Don't look so angry, my angel. You're much prettier when you smile. Don't look so afraid, the camera won't eat you. Put your left hand behind you. Relax. That's better, that's the smile that favours you best. That's it. Don't look into the camera. Look in that large mirror over there. Do you see how pretty you are? Now ditch the smile and look haughty. Not arrogant, not overconfident, not stubborn. Superior with a natural dominance. You're the Queen of England. You don't pay attention to paparazzi. Don't show your teeth, you're not a tiger on a rabbit hunt. You're the Lion Queen, looking over her kingdom, and it's all going well. That's what I mean. That's my angel..."

Belén is good. She's expensive too. Her normal fee for a half-an-hour job like this was more than the budget The Boss allowed me to finance this entire best-day-ever day. Luxembourg's Prime Minister cut LSD budgets drastically since our mission in Brest, especially after The Boss ordered to spend over 12 million euros of Luxembourg tax money to buy the bronze medal that put our country at Number One of the European Games. Success has its price, as everybody knows.

Belén knows the price of success. She tells Chelsea all the secrets of success while she takes shots: "For a perfect photo, you have to look successful, my angel. Imagine you're rich. Not just a little rich, but so rich that your accountant has to hire an accountant to find out how much money you have. Lots of money is the first step to success because money solves every problem. Now imagine you're also famous. Not just a little famous, but so famous that the screen of your mobile phone isn't wide enough to show the number of followers you have on your Facebook page. Fame brings more money and money brings more fame. And when you imagine you're rich and famous, you look successful, and I take photos of you, and we'll show them to everybody, and they'll think you're successful, therefore they want to be like you, and that's what makes you famous, and rich, and successful. My photos make your dreams come true. I'm an artist; I create success. My photos make you successful. Look into the camera, my angel. Feel successful. That's it. That's exactly it. You're a natural."