What if they don't die at the end?

Mateo Torrez

Mateo Torrez
11:28 pm

I scroll through the options on Disney+ settling on The Jungle Book 2 since I think I've watched everything else I could find. Rufus on the other side of the sofa, curled into a ball with his head resting against his arms. He ended up falling asleep somewhere after Toy story. But me, I haven't slept a wink. Believe me, it's not because I'm not tired. After the whole dead-but-not-dead emotional roller coaster, I could use some. But right now, what I need is to be awake.

I hate to admit it, but want to know if Death-Cast is going to call us.

Yeah yeah I know. I shouldn't be torturing myself but I can't help myself. I swear on my life, this is the last time  do this. It's just to shake off any anxiety I have left. After that call from the CEO, my mind did what it does best. Think about the worst possible scenario.

I won't stay up all night, just a little bit longer to make sure we don't hear that dreaded ringtone again.

I stare down at my phone watching as the clock ticks down like sands passing through an hourglass. I bounce my leg and bite my nail feeling as my heart beat so fast I can hear it. I groan, taking off my glasses to massage the bridge of my nose. I really hate myself sometimes. Why am I like this? Or rather why am I still like this? You would have thought getting a second chance at life I'd stop being so anxious. 

"For God's sake." I say in frustration, a little louder than I wanted to as I flop back against the sofa. I hear Rufus at my side shuffle in his sleep. His head darts up, turning to face me with half-lidded eyes. "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I whisper. He looks around the darkened room as if he's woken up in another dimension, wincing at the bright light of the TV. He rubs his eyes and stretches.

"What time is it?" He asks with a deep, raspy voice. I put my glasses back on and look down at my phone to check the time.
"About half eleven" He looks at me with tired confusion.
"The fuck? Why are you still up?" I guiltily look down at my phone not really wanting to admit that I've spent the last three hours staring at my phone picturing the different ways I could die. So instead, I shrug my shoulders and look away, not saying anything. He rubs his eyes as he stands up with a tired groan and clicks his neck and it's so loud that I physically cringe. "Come on, we should go to bed." He grabs my hand and pulls me up off the sofa. I hum in response as we start to walk to my room, he sleepily lays his head on my shoulder as we navigate the dark hallway.

We make it to my room and he lays on my bed, I lay beside him. He opens his eyes a fraction, just enough to get a look at me with a lazy smile on his face.
"Night," He says. I get under the cover and gently kiss his cheek.
"Night Roof" I say with a small grin that he can't see. It looks as if he's already asleep. I roll over and plug my phone into charge. The light of my screen shines on my face as I make sure my ringtone is turned up. Just in case. If I do get a call I wanna be able to hear it.

I scroll through my phone, biting my thumb as I watch the clock tick down.

11:48 pm

Any minute now they could call. I take a deep breath to try and calm down but it doesn't help. It feels like my life is falling through my fingers, I'll lose it if I don't hold on tight enough. People don't realise how easy it is to die when you're young and healthy.

What if there's an Earthquake and my bookshelf falls and crushes us?

What if someone breaks in through a window and shoots us?

What if I forget the stove is broken and try to make tea?

I could die before Dad wakes up. I won't be able to see Penny grow up and see the person she becomes. I can't get my first apartment or celebrate an anniversary or see what future Mateo is like. I can't live my life, experience what it would be like with Rufus.