Too Soon | Sidemen fanfiction

16

"I need to finish the trees and greenery... Do you think you could help outline whilst I do that?"

A quick nod of agreement was dealt before she opened her pencil case- giving me full access to a myriad of pens, pencils, felt tips and other devices that made me feel a glimmer of excitement. Something I hadn't felt in a long time. 

And within the final 15 minutes of form, we had finished and created something truly beautiful. 

"Thank you so much, Ethan." She put an arm around me, rubbing my shoulder as she enveloped me into a side hug. It was weird. I hadn't felt that in so long, either. It was awkward and I tensed up at the unforeign feeling- though I liked the feeling of someone close to me- someone appreciating the little things I could do, and felt my head unintentionally nuzzle to her shoulder. 

Though no sooner had she met, she pulled away, allowing the cold feeling to return.

...

I grimaced as I sat down in my chair, muscles still stiff and sore from the fight with Josh yesterday. Simon noticed, throwing me a glance asking whether I was ok. Of course I nodded, though my arm said otherwise. Valerie sat between us, and was already diligently working on analysing her poem- mumbling a few notes every here and there with Simon agreeing of pointing something else out.

"How you feeling, JJ?" Valerie asked, putting down her pen- having finished analysis. "You know, after the beating you and Josh took I'm surprised both of you managed to come to school today."

"Fine, fine." I shook it off, shaking my head and ignoring the feeling of pain pulsing through my neck. "I'm sure Josh is hurt more anyways."

"Maybe, maybe- I didn't really ask." Valerie shrugged. "What were you two fighting over anyways, though?"

My breathing hitched and although Simon didn't look up or verbally say anything- the sight of his pen pausing across scribbling on his anthology told me he too was uncomfortable even thinking about it.

Josh was being a right prick yesterday. Although I suppose you could debate I was, too... Apparently he'd let slip that Simon was "kinda gay" or something like that- and been the cause of my friends to go on and pick on Simon once more. Though it was unfortunately expected for them to harass Simon- Josh letting it slip; no matter if it was accidental as he had claimed, was too far. 

And so I thought it was only fit to have a go at him for his relationship with Freya.

And his bipolarity. 

In hindsight, I shouldn't have. He can't control his bipolar disorder, and he doesn't need me telling him about it- especially how ill I spoke of it- and what a creature it made him. Though when he began threatening to expose my anxiety- how I slept with a baseball bat besides me in fear of my parents, or how I had panic attacks every morning before I came to school, feeling as though I was drowning and it was well and truly the end... Threatening to tell about Simon's depression too- how he felt no release other than hurting himself, and how his wrists were littered in little cuts because of it... And most of all, Joshua threatened to tell the whole fucking school about Simon and I.

And that was the catalyst for the fight. 

"Can I, Simon?" I questioned Simon quietly, not wanting to say anything which Simon didn't agree to. He gave a nod, and then I told Valerie everything. About how we'd been going out for months, and only the boys knew, and how hard it was- and the awkwardness of it all when my friends tried to set me up with the girls in school who wanted just a short, couple of week relationships...

And Valerie listened to all of it, nodding and showing all the empathy I could've asked for. Much to my surprise, she even spoke of how she knew how awful that feeling was- herself admitting her feelings after her same-sex relationship in her old school in Canada. How her girlfriend was venomous and once Valerie broke it off, the girl spread rumours of Valerie being pansexual to the entire school- ending in relentless jokes and mocking for months afterwards.