It was never going to be Easy

Nishaat

August 31st

"I'm surprised I didn't cry at all this month. But then again it's Taylor's month so that must be why", I laugh as I talk to Terri and Mckayla.

It is now sixth period and I'm sitting in Technology period. I look at ma'am and she's sitting on her phone. I quickly take my phone out of my pocket and sit with my back towards where ma'am is sitting so she doesn't notice that I'm on my phone.

For some reason ma'am doesn't like it when we are using our phones in class but she uses her phone throughout the whole period. I know she's the teacher and all but she's always talking about equality, and it would only be equal if she didn't use her phone either.

The bell rings for seventh period. I walk out of the classroom and towards Math.

It's not raining today. The sun is shining with a few clouds in the sky and there's a cool breeze blowing north.

I get to class before all my friends.

"Ma'am can we not do work today?", Terri asks walking into the classroom.

"You guys are writing next week, we need to do work. After exams then you all can relax. Take out your books", Ma'am says standing in front of the classroom.

Terri sighs but does as ma'am says.

"Ma'am exams is pain", Malikah says.

"I like the feeling of pain", I say to Mckayla who is sitting next to me.

"Why would you like the feeling of pain?", Terri asks overhearing me.

"It's just such a soothing feeling. Like the emptiness of pain, I love it", I say.

"You are so toxic towards yourself. No, you know what, you're toxic towards yourself and his toxic towards you and that's not a good thing", Terri scoffs.

"Whatever", I roll my eyes and smirk.

I don't think his toxic towards me. I think I have attachment issues and his just giving me attention by looking at me funny all the time.

Ma'am gives us a boring lesson about triangles and I barely pay attention to what she's saying. Why do I need to know this?

The bell rings for break and I'm so relieved. I pack my things up before my friends. I don't wait for them, I walk towards our spot so no one steals it from us. I pop my earphones in my ears as I'm walking.

As I get to C-block I see Haanim sitting across from our spot under a window. I look over at our spot and see him sitting there. And his sitting where I usually sit. Do I sit next to him?

My stomach feels like it's in knots again. I walk towards Haanim instead. I look at him and he notices me. He looks at his friends whose sitting on the podium then at me, then at the seat next to him. He looks back at me. I pause for a few seconds. He gets up from the seat and walks up to his friends. As he walks he looks at me then at the seat.

I walk to the seat past him. "Thank you", I say softly. I sit on my usual spot and wait for the rest to walk into C-block as well.

Haanim speed walks towards me. "Did he just give you the seat?", She says widening her eyes.

"No he didn't", I say.

"Yes he did. He literally looked at you and got up from the seat", She smiles.

The gang comes walking towards us.

"Look who's over there, Nishaat", Malikah says smiling.

"You all just missed the best scene ever", Haanim says covering her face after.

"What happened?", Tharwah asks.

"It's not a big deal Haanim", I say.

"Did he talk to you?", Terri asks.

"No. He gave the seat to Nishaat", Haanim squeals.

"What!", Terri says looking at me.

"Be quiet, his right over there", I say. "It's not something to go on about. I just looked at him and he saw me so he got up and walked to his friends. No big deal", I say taking my phone out of my pocket.

"You know he gave that seat to you, you just don't want to admit it", Tharwah says sitting next to me.

Yes, that was the sweetest thing he could of ever done.

"Why didn't you sit next to him, then you guys could of spoken to each other", Kauthar says.

Kauthar has been a lot better after that whole thing that happened on the staircase a few weeks ago. But there is still something different about her, she's being so distant.

"My stomach was doing that weird thing again so I didn't want to sit next to him", I say and she laughs.

I turn on my phone and play music through my earphones. In a few weeks from now we'll be writing our third term exams. This year has gone by so fast.

I feel a tap on my knee and I look up from my phone. Terri looks at me and tells me to take out my earphones.

"Yeah".

"We should plan a day during this holiday, where we all go out because I don't want us to just be friends at school, you know", Terri says to the group.

"We should have a movie night", Melanie says.

"Yes. At my house", I say.

"Yes. We should go to Nishaat. I've been there before. Her house is so quiet", Tharwah says.

"Okay. At Nishaat's house. When?", Malikah asks.

"The 24th Of September, because we are done writing exams on the 23rd", I say.

"Yes. Then we can watch Don't Worry Darling because it comes out on the 23rd!", Terri screams.

"If it's on my TV though. I'm sure it will be, but just if-", I say.

"Okay. Nishaat's house on the 24th. I'm putting that in my calendar", Malikah says.

Malikah is the prioritized one. She always has things in order. She's the one that puts everything into place. Malikah is like the last piece in our friend group puzzle that just fits perfectly. She's the piece of the puzzle that just brings everything to life.

"I'm excited now. This is going to be so fun", I squeal.

...

*hey kauthar, are you okay?

*probably
Why?

*it's just that you've been really distant lately and I'm worried about you.

*oh, I'm sorry

*don't be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about, I'm just worried and I just want you to know you can talk to me, I'm always here for you. Always.

*there's really is nothing to talk about, okay there might be, but I don't speak to anyone about it and I feel left out by everyone, you are going to say the same thing that Terri said. "You feel left out because your not sitting with us". But you probably won't understand what I mean because no one does, and I'm just going through stuff that I don't want to talk about or I'm just not ready to talk to anyone about it, so I'll just keep it to myself :)

*Okay, I understand that and I'm not going to force you either, I just need you to know that I'm hear to listen when you're ready to speak, I care about you and I don't want to see you upset, I'm sorry if I caught you off guard I just needed reassurance that your okay, and it's not that you don't sit with us it's just I can notice when somethings wrong.

*I'm fine Nishaat, thank you.

*Your welcome, love you

*Thank you
I'm joking, I love you too.

xxx<3