BLACK SHEEP ✘ 𝙙𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞 ᵗʰᵉ ⁿᵉˣᵗ ᵍᵉⁿ

#42: HOLIDAY, PART ONE (3x11)

Craig and Joey finished turning the whole tree, ornaments and all, lights flickering and dancing unnaturally.

"Well, I have to admit, Sydney," Caitlin said as she approached with her hot cocoa. "It actually really does look better."

Joey sighed almost dreamily. "Sydney has an uncanny eye for everything. I don't know what we'd do without her."

He kissed Sydney, and my eyes shot to Caitlin who looked down and away. It was still weird to have her back in Toronto after all this time when, from ages 3 to 13, Caitlin Ryan would drop in every other year for the holidays with presents from all around the world, then she be off on another adventure.

But now that she stopped, she never seemed more stuck. Stuck at a lesser version of her dream job, stuck in the mundanity of life in the suburbs, and, right now, stuck at her ex's house, watching him watch someone else.

Everyone knew the story. I could recite it in my sleep. Everyone knew the on-again-off-again romance, and everyone knew what Joey did to Caitlin — with my current boss. I was more aware of it lately than any time in the past, for obvious reasons.

What we all tried not to notice was how Caitlin and Joey still gazed at each other from across the room, eyes rarely meeting at the same time.

"Well, the Jeremiah household is just full of amazing women these days," Mr. Simpson said, decked in Santa gear and hugging Spike to him. He meant well by the comment, despite at least two people in the room feeling intensely uncomfortable.

It made me wince, and I don't think that went unnoticed by Emma, who was bouncing baby Jack on her knee.

"And two really lucky men," Ashley said with a smile to Craig, who kissed her on the cheek. Gross.

My mom was supposed to be here — she requested the time off — but she was called in to the supermarket anyway, cause god forbid someone didn't get their Christmas ham in time. She said she'd be here as soon as she could and I had to wait, despite how badly I wanted out of there.

The phone rang and Craig excused himself to answer it.

"You okay?" Emma asked, biting into a sugar cookie while simultaneously trying to keep it away from her brother's tiny, grabby hands, and I wished she wasn't talking to me. She'd been extra nice to me since Shelly drove her home the night of the rave, but also very obviously awkward, and it weirded me out.

I managed a tight smile. "Yeah. Can't be in a bad mood at Christmas."

That was a lie. My mom cried every year at Christmas and thought I didn't know about it. What use was it to bring it up?

Emma examined me, then Craig, and back to me. "Of course. 'Tis the season, right?"

"Uh, Spinner? We'll talk about exchanging gifts tomorrow. Bye." Craig raised his voice just before he hung up, and Ashley came up behind him.

I frowned at this, my hand stopping just before I set down one of my two remaining cards.

"What?" Emma asked.

"Nothing, it's just—" I said and paused, shaking a thought out of my head. "...It's nothing."

She seemed to accept the answer with a slow nod.

But it was there, and I couldn't help myself. I couldn't shake it away. "It's just that...Spinner doesn't get people gifts, like, ever."

Oh no, my stalker was showing. I figured that explained the discomfort on Emma's face.

"Maybe he had a change of heart?"

"A change of heart, okay, fine, but not a change of finances. Spinner doesn't get people things because he can't afford them, and he's only had a job for a week." This I only knew because of the one and only heart-to-heart we had in grade seven, during that now infamous detention. One of the reasons I liked him so much at the time, was because he understood the crappiness of having a parent work fifty hours a week just to make rent and bills, and still have food in the house. To my knowledge, from the digs Jimmy and Marco made about Spinner's clothes, this didn't change.