Crazy Love

Chapter 7

"She's great. Janelle is great. She's a great girl, with a great attitude, and an overall great girlfriend."

"So things are still shit." He deadpans.

I sigh thinking about the past week.
"Have you ever been in the same room with someone, but you feel like you're miles apart?"

"How big is this room?" I roll my eyes at his lame joke.

"We're just not clicking. We haven't been for months." No matter how hard we try, we jut can't seem to fid our way back to a good place.

"Then why haven't you called things off yet?"

As if it is that easy.

"It is. Just tell her how you're feeling. She can probably feel the distance too."
Did I say that out loud?

"We've talked about it. But we've both invested so much into this relationship, we don't want to just break up."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I love her."

"Are you in love with her?"

I hesitate because the truth isn't pleasant.

"Stop being a little bitch and do what you gotta do."

I take another sip of my drink and the waitress returns to take our orders.

"You'll never guess who I saw the other day. Remember Professor Charles?"

Charles! Of course.

"Really? How is he?" I haven't seen him in years.

"Good. He had an appointment with his wife at the hospital. She's pregnant."

"Charles is married?" Charles?

"I know. I couldn't believe him at first. Then I saw his wife."

"She hot?"

"Way out of that dumbass' league.

Anyway, they wanted us all to come over for dinner some time."

"If Charles is cooking then I'll make time." He's a fucking beast in the kitchen.

"Sweet. I'll text him back. Luke already said he's in."

"Wow, when was the last time we all got together?" It has to have been a couple of years.

"I think a solid six years ago."

Damn. I remember back when the four of us got together all the time. Back when life was easy and we had all the time in the world.

I definitely thought I'd be the first of us to get married and start a family. Only because I'm the only one of us who wanted to. I've always wanted to fall in love and have kids. Just like my parents and both sets of grandparents.

Luke has intense trust issues and has never really been in a long term relationship. Even now at thirty-two. A shame if you ask me, because he has so much to offer.

Silas has never wanted marriage or children. He loves his bachelor lifestyle and his job. Maybe one day that might change, but he seems happy as he is.

Charles did not want a serious relationship while he was still on active duty.

"Is Charles still in service?"

"No, he's managing a diner or something."

"Really? Which one? We have to try it out."

"Didn't get the name. Was called in to deal with a patient."

"Did you at least get his number?"

"No, I was too distracted saving a life. You know, that thing I get paid to do. I try not to ignore an emergency page to a critical patient more than once a day."

He has a good point, but he doesn't need to be such an ass about it.

"Found him on facebook and sent him a message. He'll get back to me."

"How can you be so sure?" Maybe he's outgrown us. I mean, none of us have heard from him in over five years and now he's married with a kid on the way. We weren't even invited to the wedding.

"Stop being such a baby. Yes, he ghosted us, but this is Charles."

"He abandoned us."

"You don't know that." Really? Because I remember calling, texting, even going by his place for months. He just disappeared out of our lives.

"Have I ever been wrong?"

"Multiple times a day." I retort grumbling.

"Shut up. You know I'm never wrong about this shit. Trust me." He insists.

"Fine." For some reason, Silas thinks himself to have magic sensing powers when it came to people. It's baloney, but even I have to admit, he is scarily accurate with his readings and predictions.

I probably should have listened to him about Janelle.

I sigh as I remember our most recent tiff.
She has been hinting at wanting a ring for a few weeks now. A few days ago I brought up children again and she excitedly showed me an adoption website.

"Am I a shit person?"

"Why are you asking?" He asks as our waitress brings our orders. We both thank her.

"I don't know, Janelle is determined to adopt, but I don't want to. I know there are lots of kids who need homes, but I want my kids to be my biological kids. I want to watch my wife go through pregnancy, I want to be there for every doctor's appointment, and all the crazy rollercoaster of it all."
Janelle believes it is selfish when we could give a child a home, but I just, I want what I want. I have tried to open my mind to her wants, but it is not what I want.

"You might be the shit person in this one."
Damn, I knew it.
"But you wouldn't be doing the kid any favour. Don't adopt a kid unless you sure you will love it as much as you'd love your biological children. No one deserves that."

I sigh. Am I really so stuck in my ways that I cannot love a child that isn't biologically mine?

"Don't feel bad for knowing what you want. There's nothing wrong with being more traditional. You don't deserve to be shamed for it."

"No one's shaming me."

"She is making you feel bad for wanting a different life than her." He points out.
"I'm not saying she is a bad person. You are just two very different people and neither of you should feel bad for being who you are."

"So a racist shouldn't feel bad for being a racist?" I question him. Should we not feel bad if we are being narrow-minded.

"The fact that you are comparing wanting a biological child to being a racist should tell you just how much this relationship is fucking with your mind."

I know he is right. Of course, he is right. Even I knew this.
I think I just needed a second opinion, to make sure I'm not being the asshole here.

"There's no getting around this is there?" I genuinely hoped that there was a way for Janelle and I to make this work.

"You know the answer to that."

Well, fuck.