Sunlight on your face (Shuri x reader)

Chapter 18: distraction

"Can I tell you my honest opinion?" he asked, continuing as I nodded, "I believe she thinks that she's protecting you by sending you away, and she probably said all those things to make it easier for you,"

"How is it easier for me if she tells me that I mean nothing to her?" I asked with confusion.

"It's harder to leave someone who tells you they still want to be with you, because then you will always keep the option open that it might still work out, and by saying those things, she tried to make you hate her so that it's easier for you to move on," he explained.

"But it could've worked out, she didn't have to send me away..." I whispered, tears slowly running down my cheeks.

"I know honey, but look at her situation, she's been through so much... she has lost her whole family, so it's understandable that she thinks it's better to send you away. She is basically trying to protect you from herself... and I know that doesn't justify that she hurt you, but maybe it helps you to understand her a bit more," he said, looking at me with a pitiful expression.

"But what am I supposed to do now?" I asked wiping away my tears.

"You can't really do anything right now, it's on her to reach out to you, and I'm pretty sure she will, and until then you should focus on yourself." He pulled me into his arms, gently wiping away the tear that escaped my eye. I leaned into his embrace, breathing in the familiar scent of my dad's clothes. His advice made me feel a bit better about the situation, and I still had hope left that she would make up her mind.

****

I spent the next days in the studio, learning a few new songs, and working on my graduation project. Ava had dropped by the day before, and we talked about the situation. She gave me similar advice to my dad. I played her some songs, and she rambled on about how talented I was and that I should start playing gigs in bars or at events. 

After she left, I thought about her suggestion. The thought of playing in front of an audience made me feel sick, but at the same time, it seemed kinda exciting. I ignored the anxiety in my stomach and called the bar, Ava and I went to frequently to ask if they were looking for a musician. The owner, a nice-sounding woman, told me that I should drop by to play her some songs so that she could decide if I was suitable for the spot.

****

I was fidgeting nervously when I entered the bar the next day. A brunette woman was waiting for me behind the bar. She had light green eyes, a silver nose piercing, and her arms were covered in tattoos.

"Hi, I'm Kiara, you must be y/N, we talked on the phone." She introduced herself, shaking my hand with a warm smile.

"Yes, I'm y/N, I'm here to play some songs," I replied, feeling at ease in her presence. She led me into a room behind the bar, telling me to set up my stuff, and that she would be right back. I took out my guitar, quickly playing some notes to check if it was tuned. Kiara came back, taking a seat on the chair in front of me.

"You can play whatever you like, I need to hear a few songs so that I can decide if you fit the vibe of the bar..." She said, leaning back in her chair, waiting for me to start.

I started with some calm songs, like "Before you go" by Lewis Capaldi and "we fell in love in October" by girl in red, before moving on to some faster songs, like "Wet dream" by the band Wet Leg.

Kiara clapped, smiling widely as I lowered my guitar. Her feedback was very positive, and I got the spot right away. She informed me that the first event I would play at, would take place in three weeks and that I should think of which songs I wanted to play. I left the bar with a light feeling in my chest.

****

Things seemed to get better and better over the next few days. Six days had passed since Shuri had sent me away. I got home from shopping with Ava, my sister was sitting at the kitchen table, drawing something on a piece of paper. She looked up when I entered the room. 

"Y/N?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"When is Shuri visiting again? I miss her." My heart tightened at her question.

"I don't know Willow... I miss her too..." I mumbled, holding back tears.

"Can you give her this, the next time you see her?" She asked, handing me her drawing. It showed my sister, Shuri, and me, how we were sitting on the couch unwrapping our presents.

"Oh, wow Will, she's gonna love this," I exclaimed, trying to not let anything show before going up to my room.

As soon as I closed the door behind me, I collapsed on my bead, burying my face in my pillow. Tears were streaming down my face, as I looked at Willow's drawing. I missed Shuri so much, the only thing I wanted was to feel her arms around me.

At that moment I heard a noise coming from my drawer. 

It was my Kimoyo Beads that were vibrating, announcing an incoming call from Shuri.

I hesitated, unsure whether it was a good idea to pick up or not. My hand trembled as I took the call.

"Shuri?" There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Y/N? I'm so sorry," she slurred, my heartbeat quickening at the sound of her voice. How I had missed her saying my name.

"I fucked up... I didn't want you to leave, but there was no other way," she struggled to get the words out.

"Are you drunk?" I asked.

"No... maybe a little, but I mean it," She mumbled, the sadness in her voice breaking my heart.

"I miss you...a lot, and I can't get you off my mind... I need you..." All I wanted was to take her into my arms, but I couldn't forget her words and the way she looked at me, six days ago.

"But you sent me away..." I whispered.

"I know, and I regret it, but I miss you so much, I hate myself for hurting you," her voice broke at the end of the sentence.

"Shuri, it doesn't work like that... you can't just send me away and then call me, telling me how much you miss me, and expect me to just forgive you... you'll probably change your mind when you sober up anyway..." I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I know,"

She stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry... Fuck, I shouldn't have called... I'm sorry y/N."

With that, the line went dead.