All I Want for Christmas is You

Chapter Seven

I've been in a funk recently and my muse as since floated away. I figured I'd try just free writing to see what I came up with to trigger my spark, my muse. This is what I came up with ... It'll be a short novella.

Bella bit her lip, uncertain if she could tell him the story of how she lost everything. Then again, she hadn't told anyone. As soon as she got out of her zombie-like state, she packed up her shit and left Forks. Looking at Edward, she felt comfortable and safe enough to tell him her story. "I lost everything about three years ago."

"Bella ..."

"I haven't told anyone about this," she whispered. "Most of the town of Forks knew about what happened. I had to leave ..." She closed his laptop and put it on the bedside table, moving to snuggle in his arms. "I was an only child. My mom, she left shortly after I was born because she was not cut out to be a mom. I raised by my police chief dad. He was a good guy, loved me in his own way. He was a little lost since he was a man's man ... uncertain how to raise a little girl. He muddled through. My dad, he was my best friend. He was also an amazing police chief, beloved by everyone in our little town.

"Because he was the police chief, I spent time with my dad's best friend, Billy Black and his children, twin daughters, Rebecca and Rachel, and his son, Jacob. They lived on a nearby reservation on La Push. Billy was the tribal leader of the Quileute nation. Rebecca and Rachel were five years older than me. They were my babysitters, along with caring for their baby brother, Jacob, who was a couple years younger than me. Billy, Rebecca, Rachel, Jacob, and my dad, they were my family," Bella whispered. "We weren't bound by blood, but by love."

"That sounds amazing," Edward murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"It was," she agreed. "Anyway, I went to college, majoring in music education. When I came back after my first year, I ran into Jacob. We'd always been friendly, but when I saw him, something clicked. He'd shot up overnight and was muscled beyond all recognition. My childhood friend had become hot and smart, and he was into me. I was hesitant to start anything, but Jacob was persuasive."

"He was the one who you fell head over heels in love with, right?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered. "He was my everything. When I moved back to Forks after completing my degree, Jacob and I were inseparable. He worked for my dad as a deputy, acting as a liaison for the reservation. We were happy, eager to start building our own lives. Jacob and I were talking about getting married. Hell, we'd looked for rings and were searching for a place to live together. He still stayed on the reservation while I had a small apartment near the high school." She drew in a shuddering breath, hating what was coming next.

Edward's arms tightened around her, reminding her that she was not alone. Not at that moment.

"Toward the end of my fourth year of teaching, Rachel, who had married a Samoan surfer from Hawaii, moved back home. It turned out that the guy she'd married was an abuser. He'd completely shattered her, breaking her spirit and torturing her for the duration of their marriage," Bella whispered. "She was a shell of herself, afraid of her own shadow. She came home to La Push to escape his cruelty, but he found her. He found her at Billy's house and held Rachel, Rebecca, and Billy hostage, proclaiming that Rachel was his and that she would never leave him again. Jacob and my father, Charlie, were called out to deescalate the situation. Also, a negotiator from Port Angeles was on his way, as well.

"I didn't know all of this since I was conducting my concert choir at the commencement ceremony," Bella sniffled. "When the ceremony was over, another deputy, Mark, was waiting for me in my classroom. His face was grim."

"Oh, no," Edward whispered.

"Rachel's husband went off the rails, shooting Rachel, Rebecca, Billy, Jacob and my father before shooting himself," Bella stuttered. "My entire family was gone in one horrific act of violence. It was so awful that we couldn't have open caskets. Jacob's face was completely shot off. My dad, he was airlifted to some hospital in Seattle because he had a pulse, but he died on the table. Rebecca and Rachel had been ... " She gulped down bile as she remembered what that monster did to her sisters.

"Bella, I'm ... I can't ..." Edward breathed, tightening his hold on her, and wanting to take her pain away. "I'm so sorry."

"At the funeral, that was the last time I sang, the last time I let music be my solace. That was the last time I ... felt anything," she muttered. "I resigned from my job and went through motions of settling their affairs. Everyone in town stared at me with sympathy, making me feel like I was exhibit at the zoo. 'Poor Bella Swan, she lost everything, everyone. That poor dear ...' I was aware of their sympathy, but I couldn't care less for them. Once my father's home was sold, I packed up my life and drove away from Forks, away from the nightmare that was my life. I drove and drove and drove, landing here. I rented this apartment and have been here for two years."

Edward blinked a few times, his mind reeling at her revelation. The story sounded familiar. He vaguely remembered the story she'd shared. One of the victims had been helicoptered to Virginia Mason, with barely a pulse.

"Those tattoos, they represent your family, don't they?" he asked. "The police tattoo is for your dad and the wolf one is for Jacob, right?" Bella nodded. "And the wings on the back?"

"They're my guardian angels and I hope they're watching over me," she answered. "I know that's a lot to take in. If you want to go, I won't mind. I'm all sorts of messed up. Hell, I brought you home with me because I thought you were sexy and had the greenest eyes. You also seemed kind, despite your frazzled state from running the Sky Harbor Sprint," Bella snorted humorlessly. She sighed, "I wanted to feel something other than empty."

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. If anything, I'm in awe of your strength," he said, moving her to look at him. She sat astride his lap; her eyes were glassy, but no tears fell. His hands moved to cup her heart-shaped face. Her eyes fluttered shut and two fat tears slid down her cheeks. He gently wiped them away with his thumbs. She slid her arms around his neck, burrowing into his arms and burying her face into the crook of his neck. Tenderly, he held her on his lap as she sniffled and trembled. He didn't say anything. There were no platitudes or kernels of wisdom he could add that wouldn't sound empty. Her world had completely upended.

She pulled back, wiping at her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "I can normally keep the emotions under control."

"Bella, you shouldn't have to," Edward argued, brushing some errant curls away from her face. "You went through a tremendous loss. You have every right to feel those emotions."

"Can I share something with you that won't entirely freak you out?" she asked, looking at him with trepidation.

"You can tell me anything," he urged.

She blew out a breath, tucking her messy hair behind her ears. Blinking up at him, she stared into those insanely green eyes that had shades of topaz and blue mixed in. "From the moment I saw you in my bar, I felt ... a connection with you. You were completely frazzled, but you had this air of calm and security around you. I interact with a lot of people due to my job. Most of them, to me, are nameless, faceless blobs to me. A few of them are funny, inciting a reaction, but it's never genuine. I flirt ... better tips ... I make conversation, listen to their problems, and ply them with liquor. When they leave, the cycle continues, but with someone else. When you came in, you weren't a nameless, faceless blob. You were in technicolor where my world was in shades of grey." Her fingers trailed down his scruffy cheek. "I wanted you. You made my dead heart squeeze." She looked up at him. "And when we had sex ... I felt whole." Her eyes dropped to his chest, terrified that she'd said too much.

"Gorgeous," Edward whispered. She stubbornly kept her gaze on the mole just above his heart. He gently lifted her chin. She still refused to meet his gaze. He leaned forward, kissing her lips and she melted against him. Pressing soft kisses to her cheeks, her nose, and her lips once more. "I feel it, too."

She pulled back, a bright smile lightening up her face. Unlike her previous smiles, this one met her eyes. She kissed him and they were lost in each other, coming together languidly, and taking the time to explore each other's bodies before curling around each other to talk more before drifting off into a sated, peaceful sleep.