The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 59}

I may have lost my sanity and proper functioning as a human. These days, I am like a mindless beast. A pregnant mindless beast. I feel like I have lost my purpose altogether. I wanted to do something. Something which would end this feeling.

Suddenly, my mind seemed to have sensed something strange. I stopped walking, compelling Karra to do the same.

"Are you alright, Your Grace?" she asked, looking at me deeply.

I frowned and looked around only to realize something. I turned my head sideways to see a hallway. Something sparked in me when I realized what that hallway lead to.

"That's...Xander's chambers..." I whispered, looking at the pathway.

Karra turned sideways and nodded in agreement. I moved forward, forward the hallway, and stared at it for a long time.

I have been in his quarters many times. But the only time I went in there on my own was on our disastrous wedding night. The other times, I brought her unconscious.

I still remember how nervous I had been that night. How I expected the unexpected and the most unexpected came knocking over my face.

"I...I wish for us to have separate chambers, My Queen,"

I stood, dumbfounded, staring at my husband in shock. We have married just a day ago. What is he saying?

I did not know him much. He was gorgeous and a part of me seemed to have fallen for him on the day of our wedding. He was so elegant and sophisticated. The way he looked at me made me feel different. I had high hopes for my marriage after I heard the story of my parents.

I never knew I would have to hear these words.

"Forgive me, My King...but..." I muttered, twisting my fingers behind my back nervously. "But do you not wish for my presence?"

At that, he quickly shook his head and glanced back at the door.

"It's not your fault," he said firmly. "It is mine. Both of us might not be comfortable staying with each other. And...you might not be able to bear me. I am afraid that I might do something that you dislike," 

But I did bear with him.

Sometimes he made me so angry that I wanted to hurt him. Like the time when he came back after his visit from the dying duke and locked himself in his room. Many times, I calmed myself down, not wishing to make my marriage miserable. I was willing to give him chances and somehow love me back too.

Stay safe, my love.

I shook my head firmly and walked toward the hallway. I wanted to be in his chambers and I am sure that if he was here, he wouldn't dare mind it.

Karra followed me as I found my way toward the beautifully carved oak door. The longer I looked at it, the more upset I felt. This was supposed to be our chambers. I remember how Lady Daraa said that she admired Queen Lorraine for her courage to go against her husband. To keep her self-respect.

I did not like how this place was not guarded. Maybe Xander ordered it to be left alone. But why? I shook my head and hoped that it would open.

"Stay here," I told Karra and she nodded.

I sighed and placed my fingers on the door handle. When I pushed it a little, the door clicked a little, making me surprised. I slowly pushed it open and found it to be the same as it was.

The shades were still white and gold. The curtains were open, letting some light enter the pale room. I walked in and found a strange pressure on my chest. I bit my lip and moved forward, breathing in the fact that this room had always been devoid of warmth.