Summer Nights

52: 'Hospital pudding cups...'

I frown deeply as I look at the pudding cup sitting in-front of me, I've been starting at the same bright white walls for the past forty eight hours. 

All I wanted was to be in the safety of my own room, tucked under the blankets and for the rest of the world to go away for a little while.

I turn my head when I hear the door to my room open, I force a smile onto my face when I see Autumn standing there with concern glistening through my eyes.

'Hey Scar.' She says softly as she takes a seat next to me.

My bottom lip wobbles, 'I-I'm sorry about New York.'

She shakes her head firmly, 'I don't give two shits about New York, I give two shits about my best friend.'

'I'm really scared.' I whisper, 'I'm really scared that something bad is going to happen to the baby.'

She reaches forward and squeezes my hand, 'I promise it's all going to be okay.'

'But what if it isn't?'

'It will be, you can't think like that.'

'I can't help but think like that! I don't know how you're so fucking strong all the time, I break so easily.'

'I'm not strong all of the time, it's impossible to be strong all the time. You're only human, you've just been through something traumatic, you're weeks away from giving birth and you've been rushed into hospital. Scar, give yourself a break, it's okay to be scared or upset.'

'Thank you, I really needed to hear that.'

She lets out a shaky breath, 'I actually wanted to talk to you about something but I feel like it's really selfish me coming here and burdening you with my problems when you've got so much going on but honestly you're the only person in the entire world that I want to talk to this about with.'

My eyes widen as I clutch onto her hand tightly, 'Is everything okay?'

'No.' She murmurs weakly, 'Luke and I had sex a few weeks ago, it was right after the game night incident. I was feeling insecure, so I pushed myself to do it.'

'Autie...'

'L-Luke doesn't know this! Please he can never know that I wasn't fully ready.'

'Of course, I'm not going to tell him. I promise.'

'T-That isn't even the worst part.' An inaudible noise escapes from her lips, 'I-I thought that I was pregnant, so I went to the doctors...and I found out that I can't...I can't have children. It's due to some scarring on my womb...from when I was...raped.'

My heart shatters into a million pieces as I stare at the distraught girl sitting next to me, 'Autie, I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry.'

She shrugs, 'I didn't even think that I wanted kids...but now I know that it can never happen for me...I don't know.'

'I'm really sorry. I can't imagine the pain you are in right now.'

She wipes her cheeks furiously, 'I just feel like they've already taken so much of my life away and now they're taking away my future.'

'Autumn, they aren't taking away your future. If you did want to have children someday, they are so many options out there. I promise you, you can have whatever fucking future you want because you deserve it.'

'Sometimes I feel like I don't.'

'Of course, you fucking do. Don't be stupid.'

'I've been such a shitty person Scar.'

Autumn Martin, you are the furthest away from a shitty person that someone could possibly be, fuck the world, you deserve the entire universe.

'You've made some mistakes, haven't we all? But you are so different from the person that you was last year, I can't even begin to describe the amount of growth you've had.'

'Do you really think so?'

'I know so which is why I couldn't think of a better godmother for my child.'

Her eyes widen as a tiny gasp escapes from her lips, 'R-Really?'

'I love you, I love every version of you because you're my soulmate Autumn Martin. No one quite completes me like you do.'

A watery laugh escapes from her lips, 'We truly are the yin to each others yang.'

I give him a teasing smile, 'You're the black cat to my golden retriever.'

'Everyday of the fucking year.'

I wiggle myself down further in the bed to try and make myself comfortable, 'Are you going to talk to Luke about everything?'

'Eventually but right now, the only person I can tolerate right now is you.'

'Same. These fucking pudding cups are making me grumpy and I don't get grumpy, for the past two days they've only had vanilla, who the fuck wants vanilla?'

She shoots me a sheepish smile, 'I like vanilla.'

I roughly slide the cup towards her, 'Go wild.'

'You are a little grumpy, aren't you?'

I sigh loudly, 'I think it's the hormones, everything is just really irritating me and then I start crying because I hate feeling angry and it's just a vicious circle.'

'It sounds like it.'

 My eyes widen when Sammy Taylor slowly edges into the room with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

'I-I thought that you were supposed to be leaving to Japan today.'

He nods, 'I am but I got a later flight, I couldn't leave without saying bye to my best friends.'

'I don't want to say goodbye.' I mutter softly, 'I don't want to say goodbye to either of you, let's just say Ciao because that means both hello and goodbye.'

Sammy sighs before he wraps his arms around both Autumn and I, 'I'm going to miss you two fuckers like crazy.'

'You best call us!'

'I promise, I'll call you at every chance I get.'

'And you can't make any new best friends, my little heart can't take it!'

He ruffles my hair, 'And you better send me minute by minute updates of the little guy in there.'

My heart squeezes tightly, 'I promise, I will send you constant updates for Finnley Samuel James.'

He blinks rapidly, 'What? Say that name again.'

I laugh softly, 'Finnley Samuel James.'

'Y-You're seriously naming your child after me?'

'You won, the bet didn't you?'

He grins brightly as he gently gives my stomach a fist-bump, 'You better be good for your mom, little man or Uncle Sammy will be having words with you.'

Autumn snorts loudly, 'What kind of words will you be having?

'You know...just words.'

'I love you Sam.'

'Not as much I love you, both you. I'll send you a message when I land.'

My chest feels extremely heavy as he gives us once last hug before leaving the room, I blink back the tears that are starting to form.

Autumn sighs loudly as she rests her head on my shoulder, 'I guess the trio is down to a duo.'

'It's going to be weird without him, isn't it?'

'Yeah, it is.'