Matthew Sturniolo Imagines <3

When it gets the best of me

📍|Carson Beach|📍

Matt's POV

I pretty much tell my brothers everything. Which I adore, it's not easy having such a close relationship like that with family.
But sometimes I just need space, time to breathe, time to tell myself it's my life and I can make my own decisions.

Deep down I know i can but it's scary...having that feeling that someone or something else has total control over your life. Thats why I'm here, Carson Beach..it's where me and my brothers came right after we graduated.

We spent the whole day and night here. It's one of the best memories I have I wouldn't change it for the world.

It's almost 2am and since it's November in Boston right now it's absolutely freezing but it's not snowing so I took my chances when coming down here. Everyone in my house was asleep and I just needed time to clear my head...this was the first place that I thought of to relax.

I truly don't know why I have so much anxiety hanging over my head right now, I've been trying to think of why for hours but the only thing that comes to mind in Nick and Chris.

Like I said we tell each other everything and recently I feel as if they've been expressing and I haven't which I hate...I go quiet and it takes me forever to open back up again.

I haven't been to therapy in 6 months but every time I went my therapist would ask me if I was opening up to people...or someone I trust. I would tell her yes- because at the time I was. I had too even if I didn't want too I didn't want to let her down but I also didn't wanna open up and there was no way I was gonna lie to her about it...the guilt would fucking eat me alive. Lying has never been on my side.

I was so happy with myself when I started opening up, it made me feel so much safer and loved. Hiding how I felt never worked for me and how i felt a few years ago before I started opening up is exactly how I feel right now.

I get constant headaches, chest pains, I can't sleep and that's just a few things.

I knew the only way to get over this was to open up to Nick and Chris...I just don't wanna pour my heart out to them and they not care as much as I want them too.

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6AM 🕕

Matt's POV

I try my hardest to be quiet when walking back into the house. I stayed on the beach for two more hours then I drove around for awhile before heading home..I eventually started getting tired so I came back home.

I slowly walk into the kitchen and see Chris sitting next to the island on his phone.

"Jesus you scared the shit out of me"

"Dude where have you been"

"No where really, I was just driving around"

"Matt...it's 6am"

"Yeah I know that's why I'm back, I'm tired as fuck, goodnight"

Chris didn't say anything after that. I walked up to my bedroom and got in my bed quickly falling asleep.

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