The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

How to Taunt a Catfish

I made a mental note, then promptly forgot about it.

The heads of the second squad of rock macaque demons were breaking the surface of the river.

"WELL?" bellowed Captain Rock from his position high on the riverbank.

The squad leader shook himself off and called back, "Not yet, sir!"

"THIRD SQUAD, GO!" Captain Rock ordered, and ten more rock macaques splashed into the river.

Back by the supply wagons, Mistress Jek was helping Floridiana inspect the crocks of knock-out smoke. The seals that prevented them from breaking had been stamped back in the Wilds, and we had to make sure that the crocks didn't fail and poison our own troops before we could use them on Lord Silurus. (After we'd used them on Lord Silurus – well, who cared about a few demons more or less?)

Lord Magnissimus stamped and pawed the ground, making it quake. Those around him staggered. "Whyyyy is it taking so loooong?"

"Lord Silurus is a clever beast," answered Sir Gil. "If he weren't, don't you think we'd have killed him by now?"

The rock macaques in earshot gasped and averted their eyes, clearly expecting the wild boar to bite off the human's head.

Lord Magnisissmus must have seen Sir Gil's point, though. "Huuuumph. I'm getting huuuungry."

Come on, come on, come on. I stared at the entrance to Lord Silurus' lair, solid navy blue in Den's vision, and tried to will the demon to come out. What self-respecting demon hides at the bottom of his hole while lesser beings spit nuts at him?

Stripey eyeballed me. "Maybe we should have you go down there and taunt him until he comes out."

I snorted. Yeah, sure.

"That's a good idea!" boomed Captain Rock.

Sir Gil seconded at once, "Yes, he's a demon! He hates Heaven! He'll come out for sure if he knows that an Emissary from Heaven is here!" The knight's eyes blazed with the belief that a Heaven-sent entity could do anything.

It made me very, very glad that Bobo was back at Honeysuckle Croft, babysitting Taila and her brothers. She'd have agreed with him and sent me to my death out of an overabundance of faith.

I fixed Sir Gil with a cold stare. You would belittle the gods and goddesses by using their Emissary as bait?

"You doooo have the faaaavor of the gods," pointed out Lord Magnissimus, who bore no greater love or reverence for Heaven than Lord Silurus presumably did. "Iiiit will protect yoooou."

"The gods are the ones who demanded we attack at once." Captain Rock loomed over Stripey and me. I prodded the duck, urging him to fly higher. "We needed more time, but you ordered us to fight right now."

If we'd proceeded according to our original timetable, we'd only have had another three days to prepare anyway, so I didn't know what he was complaining about.

Heaven will not tolerate such insults! I snapped.

Den, who'd been monitoring the battle, spoke up on my behalf. "Let's wait a little longer. I'm sure he'll come out soon."

So we did, while Squad Three expended its acorns and swapped with Squad One again.

"We're gonna run out of acorns! This isn't working! You've got to send her in!" Captain Rock stomped over to Den and waved his hairy arms.