Chaotically Organized Part 1

Harder

2021-2022

Some days seem to be harder than others,
Add on the time of year and it's like a continuous battle within myself.

When I think back to last year,
I was in a terrible place, being treated poorly.
Begging someone to love me.
Begging someone to see me.
Begging someone to respect me.
Begging for a slow dance at a wedding.
Begging for a new years kiss.
Begging for a good year together.
Begging someone to not tell me I'm not worth it.
Begging someone to not use me for their own benefit.
Begging someone to not string me along.
So many things that told me I didn't love myself, that I allowed so much disrespect into my heart.

When I think about right now,
I feel like I've gotten nowhere.
I'm still constantly learning.
I'm still constantly building boundaries.
I'm still constantly trying to find myself.
I'm still constantly trying to fix my broken pieces.
I'm still constantly attempting to find peace in the quiet of my home.
I'm still constantly rubbing off the toxic aftermath.
I'm still constantly trying to rebuild my self-love.
I'm still constantly trying to find love again in my hobbies.
So many things that I hope someone will one day admire and decide to stick by my side as I continue to better myself, no matter the hurdles.

Some days just seem so much harder to live through than others.