Abusive Love *Ereri* (Boyxboy)

Chapter Seven

I lay there curled up in a ball. I barely slept at all last night. My mind kept flicking back to Eren and what I did. I've never done something like that before. It was a different experience for me and I honestly don't know how to react. It's currently eight in the morning and from what I've heard Eren is going to try go titan again and hopefully get his powers under control. I've had to force myself to actually consider going. I don't really want to go but I have to.

"Are you okay Levi?" Hanji comes up beside me as we ride to the hole we once were before.

"I'm fine"

"It's just you seem extremely tired and grumpier than usual" she states.

"I had a rough sleep last night ok?" I snap. She stares at me slightly confused but yet had a hint of knowingness. We arrive at the field where the large hole sits.

"Okay Eren are you ready?" Hanji asks Eren as he prepares to go down into the hole.

"Ready as I'll ever be" he sighs quickly lifting his eyes to look up at me. He starts to climb down the ladder before Hanji starts yelling out his instructions.

"Listen Hanji I don't think this is safe" I whisper to her.

"What you mean?" She confusingly asks with a slight sadness to her voice.

"I mean, what if something happens to Eren while he is within the titan?" I mutter.

"Oh he's fine Levi" She slightly shoves me.

"Bite yourself Eren!" Hanji wickedly laughs.

"No don't. I order you not too" I object.

"Come up this instance" I order him.

"Levi what the hell?" Hanji growls at me.

"Today is our last day before Eren has to go out and fix that hole in the wall! If he can't control his titan body then the whole operation is screwed! I don't know what has gotten into you but whatever it is it has to stop now! I swear to god more people are going to die because of your selfish ways!" She adds on furiously. She's right... Tomorrow is the day we go out and try to patch up the whole in the wall... I won't have choice in whether Eren is allowed to transform or not. But I don't care at the moment.

 "I told you it isn't safe. For starters the hole is way too small and if something were to go wrong I don't want to be responsible for any deaths at the moment."

"Heichou if I may add..." Eren starts as he finally reaches us. I back slap him as hard as I could.

"I told you not to call me that!" I yell at him. He looks up at me with no expression.

"This was a stupid idea and we are all going back to the base now!" I shout at them all. They don't say a word but just get onto their horses before riding off. All except Eren. This is exactly what happened last time. He stands there staring at me with his hands in fists. My hand grabs his face squishing his cheeks as I kiss him hard. I push him back grinding my teeth. I could see the red mark on his face as clear as day.

"What the hell Levi?" He finally says.

"One minute you're yelling at me and then next minute you're making out with me?" He scoffs.

"Oh shut up" I growl.

"No don't tell me to shut up. You're the one that can't seem to get their anger issues under control. I'm not the one who is confused every second of every day. I'm NOT the one who has a connection with someone and just ignores them afterwards. I'm done taking orders from you" He hops on his horse before riding away. What a little brat! He can't talk to me that way! Who does he think he is?! I'm his fucking captain! He's alive because of me! I practically own him! I climb onto my horse riding back to our base. The building was quiet when I entered and seemed ownerless. The first place I go is downstairs. I see Eren kicking the wall I watch him from behind. The small grunts he would occasionally make would send shivers up my spine. It wasn't until he turned around his expression changed.

"What do you want?" He mutters. I say nothing but just stand there.

"Not talking huh? The first thing you've actually done right for a change" He comments. I roll my eyes rubbing my thumb over his slightly bruised face. He flinches but didn't groan in pain which was a good sign. Things got quiet and somewhat awkward from my point of view. I lean in and kiss him lightly. It got deeper and deeper but honestly it felt like Eren wasn't even trying at all. I pull back before punching him in the stomach. It wasn't that hard but it was enough for him groan. He stands straight moving his hands up and into his hair and his face goes pink as if he was going to cry.

"Stop with the abuse!!" He finally yells gripping onto his hair.

"Why must you always hurt me? Am I just some punching bag to you?! Every time we are together you always hurt me. And sometimes it's not even physical pain" his voice shakes at the end and tears leave his eyes.

"I don't want this abusive love anymore. I'm not that kind of person. I want passion, gentle touches and for the other person to remind me every night that... That they love me and won't let anything hurt me. But you can't seem to give that." He stares at my with pink eyes and his hands clenched into fists.

"I don't think that we should continue with this... Thing... Of ours" he states. My heart feels as if it's been shattered. I've never felt this kind of emotional pain before. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much.

"I can change" I look towards him. Can I?

"Can you?" He mumbles walking out of the room. I just stand there, mouth slightly open, my eyes starting to swell with water, my hands rolling into fists. But instead of kicking, throwing, abusing anything I just stand sobbing. My hands raise covering my face instantly becoming wet from my tears. What is wrong with me? I don't get me! I don't get me at all! I just want to love someone without hurting them. But hurting people is what I seem to only be able to do.