I need to learn how to keep my calm, but most of the time I feel like I'm being bash on because of my past.
I try to prove that I'm different, but the only version of me embodied in people's thought is the old me.
Today was okay, I worked and we got our Christmas tree, but honestly I'm so tired of decorating trees...I've been overworking this season.
On the bright side, I just bought the new Air Force 1s that Drake just released by the brand NOCTA, so I am very excited to be receiving those.
On the opposing side, I miss him.
I hate how half the time I wonder if I cross my mind as much as he does mine, but I come back to Earth because I think about how he would've said something already instead of ghosting and watching me from afar.
Hopefully this upcoming year is different and he decides to keep me in his life because I am not ready to say goodbye and plus the way we ended things are not how I would've wanted to say goodbye.
I pray for him at night sometimes hoping that if he's going through anything as much as me, that he's okay.
I want him to be the best possible version of himself and that he conquers any goals he has set for him in life.
I'm not ready to say goodbye mentally, but I am soon and I'm starting this upcoming year different but he doesn't know that.
There's no more "chase" for him anymore and I am actually going to start walking and focusing more on myself than running after him and thinking about him more than I should be.
All good vibes and self-love all 2023.
I just hope this year ends well.
