A Storm Is Brewing

Reflection

The house felt empty, really empty. I couldn't stay downstairs; all I wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up again. Entering the room that Sophie and I had shared for so long and seeing all of her things gone, it felt like no feeling I had ever felt before. I crawled into bed, allowing myself to find her side and convincing myself that I could close my eyes and pretend she was still there. I woke a few hours later, my eyes stinging as they attempted to recover from the impact of hours of tears. After prying them open, I sat up to turn off the lights. What? I looked down to see what my foot had hit, chuckling slightly to myself as I realised that Sophie had left her shoes here. All that time packing, Soph, and you still managed to forget something I thought to myself before another round of tears hit me. I thought of texting her and offering to post them, but I couldn't. They were the last belongings of hers to be in this house, and I needed them to stay exactly where they were. I needed them to pretend that she would still rush about tomorrow morning looking for the shoes she had gotten out of bed and stepped over.

A few days later, I got a text from Sophie. My heart was beating out of my chest as I waited for my Face ID to unlock my phone, but I was sighing as I read the message.

Sophie
Hey Leah, I was wondering if you could post the engagement ring back? I'm not looking to sell it or anything, I just want to keep the memory.

I believed her; Sophie was sentimental like that, and I knew she wouldn't have wanted something that had meant so much to her to be thrown into a box somewhere and forgotten about. I suppose she was thinking that I had kept hers, so why wouldn't she keep mine? Neither of us knew the correct way to break up when we had been engaged. I did something I never thought I would do to Sophie: I lied to her. Selfishly, I lied to her. It wasn't out of spite; it was simply because in this moment I knew that wearing the ring around my neck was the only thing that made me feel able to leave my house; holding it in my hand before I fell asleep at night was the only way I could manage it; and knowing that Sophie was still right beside my heart was the only thing that made me feel less broken.

Leah
I would, but I gave it to a charity shop. Sorry.

Sophie
Okay. No worries.

Leah
I can send you the money for it?

Sophie
It wasn't about the money. Thanks though.

Leah
I'm sorry, Soph.

She didn't reply, obviously.

— — — —

Now that we were back together, I knew that I would have to tell Sophie the truth; it was the last part of the past that needed to be discussed. I just had no idea how to do it. I didn't know how to tell her that I had lied directly to her at a time when I was desperately trying to gain her trust back. I decided to do it anyway; risking my forever with Sophie was worth it to know that she wasn't being made a fool of in any way.

A few days after the party, I finished training early, deciding to text Sophie and invite her over, knowing that this may be the last time.

Leah
You wanna come over tonight?

Sophie
I'm in court in Birmingham and might not be there until after 7. That okay?

Leah
Of course. It gives me time to have a nap anyway🥱

Sophie
Haha okay. See you then.

I didn't manage to nap; instead, I tossed and turned, thinking of how to go about the conversation with her. Do I say it outright? Do I beg her to forgive me? Do I text her it before she gets here? Before I knew it, Sophie was knocking on the door. I chuckled as I thought of the fact that this used to be our house, and yet she now knocks every time. Guiding her inside, I knew she could tell something was going on with me, so I wasn't surprised when that was her first question, even before a hug.