kisses

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SIDHARTH

I SPENT the rest of the weekend in quiet agony, thinking of Shehnaaz with Larsen, the fuckhead, at dinner Saturday night, joking and laughing and forgetting all about me.

Because that’s exactly what it seems like. She never reached out once. Not after we dropped her off at her house and she ran inside without a backward glance. Not Sunday when I tried to call her.

And I only called her once. A Shukla doesn’t chase. We don’t beg and we don’t ask what’s wrong.

She can come to me.

Monday morning and I’m in my usual spot, leaning against the wall at the front entrance of the school, Ezra and Malcolm flanking either side of me.

Natalie is with us, flirting with Ezra all while occasionally eyeing me, but I ignore her. Malcolm is complaining about his parents. While I wait for my little bird to show up.

In other words, nothing has changed.

I feel like I’ve changed, though no one can see it. Kissing Shehnaaz in the back of the car…the sounds she made. How responsive she was. The taste of her mouth. The tentative tease of her tongue. I can’t stop thinking about it.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

“Christ, you’re in a foul mood this morning,” Malcolm suddenly says, his words aimed right at me.

“Agreed,” Ezra adds.

“I haven’t even said much,” I mutter, propping my foot against the wall, always on the alert for a certain someone to make her appearance.

“You don’t have to. Your negativity is a literal dark cloud, swarming all around you,” Malcolm says.

“Oooh, so descriptive,” Natalie coos, her gaze appreciative as she sizes up Malcolm. “Why haven’t we ever gone out before?”

“You’re too busy trying to get up on him.” Malcolm waves a hand at me.

“Hey.” Ezra snags Natalie’s hand, pulling her into his arms. “What about me?”

He’s too damn needy. That’s why she’s not interested in Ezra. He could learn a thing or two from me. The more I ignore Nat, the more she seems to want me.

Not that I want her back.

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten you.” Natalie giggles, the sound grating on my nerves. “Want to ditch the first period? Go back to my dorm room?”

“Hell yeah,” Ezra says, way too enthusiastically.

“Let’s wait a few minutes first.”

“Why?” Natalie pouts. “I want to leave now.”

Ez can’t admit he wants to show off to everyone that Natalie is hanging all over him. He just smiles and kisses her, which turns my stomach.

“Where’s your little bird?” Malcolm asks me, chuckling. “That already a done deal?”

“It never started in the first place,” I lie.

“I thought you were going to keep watch over our sacrificial lamb and ensure she doesn’t tell on us.” Malcolm raises his brows. “Should we be worried?”

“I’ve got it handled,” I bite out, hating that he doubts me.

“You better,” Malcolm mutters. “I can’t afford to get kicked out now. That’ll fuck everything up.”