Hot Chocolate and Caroling | ✓

Wednesday, December 21st.

I bring my hand to my mouth. I'd been speaking too much, not allowing Sienna to be a part of the conversation, and I'd been trashing the company she was still working for.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry again. I'm such a horrible friend."

"You don't even need to worry about it. I got fired as well, the next Monday after you left, actually. I had to clean out my desk and was home by lunch with no clue what to do with myself. Maybe it's a good thing you haven't been watching the news or keeping up with the headlines. The entire company has gone under, and everyone got fired." Sienna fiddles with the utensils sitting next to her drink. Hazel looks between the two of us just briefly before turning again to look at everyone around us. People-watching was one of her favorite hobbies.

"Wait what!" I shout, so much louder than I expected to. Startling most of the diners in the general vicinity of our table.

"Yep, by the end of the week everyone was gone, so you weren't the only one, just the first. Everyone just slowly started seeing meetings pop up in their calendars and then the headlines broke and they couldn't delay it anymore. It was a horrible way for the company to do that, but they did." Sienna spins the straw in her beverage, watching as the ice cubes swirl in the glass. Her perfectly manicured nails prove to me she had loads of spare time now that she wasn't working, either.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that, and here I go again, apologizing. So, how are you handling it?" I couldn't bother with the menu anymore, so I push it to the edge of the table, before realizing Hazel was reaching for it. Handing it to her, I put my attention back on Sienna.

"We've been alright, mostly. It was hard to tell the kids that Christmas was going to be a little weird this year, but luckily we had most of the stuff already, and we were just waiting on a few more things to deliver. We will be alright but I'll have to either tighten up the budget heavily or be in a new job by the end of January. We haven't quite decided what the best fit for us will be yet, though."

"We haven't either, and that's hard after you get fired because you are so used to one thing and most of the time not even thinking about the change that could happen if it just suddenly wasn't there. I was so shocked when I got home and James actually thought it was a good thing."

"He thought it was a good thing?" Sienna repeats my statement, confused at how that would be possible.

"Yeah, I was right there with you. When I told him, he damn near jumped out of his pants with excitement. Said it thrilled him. ‌We could be a family again. It hurt for a while, but I'm finally understanding what he meant."

The more we talked about how things were going after Engage shut down, the more I was realizing there had to be a better way to do things.

"Have you decided if you are going back to work yet or not?" Sienna asks, only to be interrupted by the waitress. The sweet Asian girl takes our order quickly before rushing off to the kitchen once again. Before I could even answer Sienna's question, she was back with the Pepsi that I ordered.

"I really don't know. I think I have to. No offense to little miss perfect over here, but I don't think I'm cut out to be just a stay-at-home mom. It's a lot of work, but to me, there's gotta be something more. I want to work a job, I want to bring some money into the house, and we are in a good spot where I can break out and do something a little different because we aren't reliant on the paycheck. So I'm possibly thinking of something I can do from home and working around her schedule. I just find when she is taking her three-hour nap, I'm bored. I'm looking around for projects to do that can keep me entertained, but after knocking a few of those out, there's nothing left for the day. It's a struggle to find things at this point."

"I hear you there. When my babies were little like that, I was so tired all the time, but so mentally bored that I just needed something to do. That's actually why I got into editing. It was something I could easily do from the comfort of my home, but would actually use my brain. I had to think hard and look at every word. The kids exhausted my body, but the editing exhausted my mind." Sienna adds, pointing to her head for added effect.

"I think you just hit motherhood right on the head. People are so tired physically and mentally that they aren't getting any stimulation. We always try to compensate for that with social situations, but that may not be what someone needs. They just need to be challenged. It's all so personal."

"Maybe we should write a book or something in all of this new free time we have. I think I know a few talented editors who could help us out." Sienna teases.

"Maybe that's not half a bad idea. Wouldn't a job be nice where you can pick up things based on commission? If you don't want to read it, you don't have to edit it? Like you get paid for the word versus the type of document. There are so many ways the industry can be better. Why haven't any of these legacy companies figured out a way to do that?" The thoughts were swirling in my head, but I was quickly pulled away from them when our food arrived. "That was so fast."

I look at the fried rice in front of me, my mouth watering at the sight of goodness. Hazel eagerly grabs at the veggies tossed on the side of the plate. She takes a piece of broccoli, nibbling on it for a moment, before deciding it was safe enough to eat.

"And your kid eats vegetables. You have absolutely nothing to complain about." Sienna scoffs, taking a bite of her chicken. I roll my eyes.

"None of that is from my parenting, I'll tell you that. She very much gets that from her dad." My heart warms at the mention of James and how well he has done with our daughter. I was amazed every time she grabbed something new or showed me something that she apparently has known for weeks, but I'd never seen it. It used to be, when I got home from work, it was her bedtime routine and then she was down for the night. Everything felt like something I hadn't experienced before.

"Well then, you have a keeper, and I'd pop out ten more babies if he can train them like this." We both laughed at Sienna's ridiculous comment. But maybe another baby wouldn't be such a bad thing. I'd missed so much from the first one. She spent most of her infant time with her father while I healed. Then it was getting ready to go back to work, and then I was back in the full swing of things and I've always tossed her to the sidelines. Just like I did with my marriage.

There needed to be some genuine change in my life, and I couldn't help but count the blessings all around me. Maybe getting fired was my Christmas miracle.

"Yeah, we will have to see what happens. I'm just glad that you are doing mostly okay. Please let me know if you need anything, and I mean it. Tomorrow we have dinner at my family's house. I'm sure they wouldn't mind if your family came along as well. But I'm sure you guys will be so busy with your own families." I offer, hoping she would give me an answer so I could tell my mother she needed to feed four more people before we walked through the door.

"No, we should be fine. I really appreciate that. I think this year we are doing the same thing you and James are. We are just going to do a small little Christmas just as a family to find that reconnection. I've been so distracted and my family needs me. At least that might be the excuse we are using, since neither of our parents invited us over for family dinner. I appreciate that offer. I think this will be a good thing for us, though." Sienna takes another bite of her chicken and Hazel grabs another piece of steamed broccoli.

I really couldn't complain. I had a family who loved me, and friends who were there for me even when they were having a hard time. I had a daughter that was amazing and beautiful. Financials that allowed me to not have to worry and a husband who would take care of me no matter what happened.

Things weren't so bad after all.