What are men to rocks and mountains

The confidant

The ghosts were gathered in their usual room, the sitting room next to the foyer, and Pat was happily chatting away about different kinds of hotdogs. It was a subject none of them really knew what he meant by, except Julian, and where Kitty had in a very concerned way asked if it was actually a dog. It had taken Pat over 5 entire minutes to explain that no, it wasn't actually made from dogs.

"And you can cook it in water, but you can also roast them over a nice, open fire! Like a long marshmallow, but a meaty one." This earned him a groan from Fanny and the Captain. ("Was it really necessary to phrase it like that?").

"Well anyway, you squirt on some mustard and ketchup." Pat tried to continue his talk, before getting interrupted again by Julian. "And pickles! Can't forget the pickles." Kitty responded by pulling a face. "I don't like pickles."

"What be a pickles?" Mary asked, at the same time that Julian continued with a; "You know, I once knew a secretary that got a pickle stuck up her-"

"Fanny!" Pat yelled, cutting off Julian. He let out a nervous laugh and he quickly added; "I believe you wanted to talk about the importance of dinner etiquette? Sounds fascinating!"

Fanny gleamed as she stood up and began her talk on the absolute, vital importance of melon spoons at the dinner table.

They all sat silently, listening to Fanny talk about different kinds of spoons, until they heard the front door opening softly. Alison was back from the grocery store. Mary perked up and looked back into the foyer. When she saw Alison stumble by, she jumped up from the couch excitedly and ran towards her. "Ohohoh! Alison be back! We was reading about the flowers today, remember?" She asked, reaching the poor woman who was currently trying to haul three heavy shopping bags full of groceries into the house.

"Yep! Mary, give me a minute please?"

"No-ho! Controlling time be witchcraft." She replied quickly, horrified- a little cloud of smoke appearing above her head. Alison frowned, temporarily pausing halfway through the door.

"No, I mean like- wait a minute so I can finish getting the groceries inside."

"Oh! In that case you's can have one minute." Mary said simply, spinning around and heading towards the library and softly humming a song to herself.

---

"So... This can be used by everybody?" came the amazed cry from the kitchen. It was a rainy afternoon, and by Mike had been sat in the kitchen all morning, trying to gather content for Button House's new website. He hadn't had much luck. He had rearranged their entire pantry in a desperate attempt to avoid having to actually get started on the website, and he suspected Alison would have his head for it later, but by the time Havers had stumbled into the kitchen by accident- he had his hands in his hair in frustration.

Havers, for a lack of any other useful activities to do- had accepted Mike's invitation to sit down and help him think of some good content. So now here they were, with William's mind absolutely blown, and Mike trying to hold in his laugh.
"Yeah mate, as long as ya pay for the internet."

"Marvellous." William replied. Mike hadn't really realised how strange it must be for a man out of time to get used to the concept of the internet, and to be honest he hadn't really gotten close enough to the former lieutenant to find out either. The man had been staying with them for close to two weeks now, and with the hectic party planning going on, he'd had so much on his mind- the decorators, the finances, the touring... But now that they were sitting here in the kitchen he'd finally have some time to get to know the man a little better.