Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*19* Pierre

I was going to spend the rest of the race cheering for Yuki, but he wasn't much luckier either.  On lap eleven it was all over when his car was hit from the rear of his car on the entrance to Turn 1 just outside the start/finish straight by the Williams car driven by Canadian Nicholas Latifi.

"Why is it always Latifi who's involved when something strange happens?" — I thought, looking at the replay of the whole event on the screen in front of me.

As usual, we heard a whole lot of unpublishable profanity from the Japanese, who thus ended his participation in the competition this week.  We were both furious, and Franz, though he tried to cheer us up, looked equally grim.  I was glad that the conversation with journalists was behind me and waiting for Yuki I could calm down a bit and think about how to make him feel better.

He may not have wanted the title, but he hated defeat as much as I did, especially when there was little he could do.

*.  *.  *

Three hours and several tiresome conversations with journalists later...

— Yuki... —  I started and stopped when I saw his look.

He looked at me sadly over his mug of cocoa, which was supposed to make him feel better, but somehow it didn't.  We sat at his desk in his room and discussed everything that had happened that day.

It broke my heart to see him so sad and disappointed and to hear his voice so full of despair and bitterness.  I wanted to hug him, I wanted to drive away his worries, even if he was an annoying elf, he was also my annoying elf and I couldn't imagine my world without him anymore.

— Franz won't keep me in the band — He said, hanging his head and staring into his purple mug as he stirred his unfinished cocoa with a spoon.

— How do you know?  Nothing is certain yet.

— He told me today.  Yesterday he said it was my last chance, if I don't improve, Red Bull will give someone else a chance from next weekend.  I know VIPs are waiting for my spot, there's nothing I can do.

—And you didn't tell me anything before?! — I exploded, suddenly feeling hurt and rejected.  — Why don't you tell me these things?!  It's important!  Who am I to you?

— You're my boyfriend... I'm not sure about that either... Besides, what does it matter if I told you or not?  What would that change?

— How can you say that?  Maybe I could help you! — I yelled at him and he hunched even closer, making him look even smaller than he really was.  I didn't want to scare him, but my nerves just snapped.  It was important why didn't he tell me?  Didn't he trust me?

I slowly got up from my seat directly in front of him, walked over to him and crouched down, taking his hands and closing them in mine.

— Yuki, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you.  I'm angry that you didn't tell me because I'm worried about you.  You know I want the best for you, I want you to be happy. — I tried to explain my behavior.

— If that's what you really want, then let me tell the fans about us.

He knew he was asking for a lot, he knew it was almost impossible, so why did he do it?  It sounded like he was asking me to choose between him and Formula 1 or himself, how was I supposed to make that choice?  Didn't he see how much he was hurting me by putting it this way?  He looked into my eyes, and in his gaze I read hope, such a tiny flame that I could not put out with a cold heart.

— Okay, my darling baby, I'll find a way, just give me some time please.

— Really? — He smirked, throwing his arms around my neck and pulling me closer.  I pecked his nose, that cute, pretty, little nose.