A murderer for a father: Jean L. Black ||Sirius Blacks daughter

Nightmares and more memories

The Weasleys had gotten the stuff they needed the most and fixed them up if they were burned. Via apparation and side apparation, everyone arrived at Grimmauldplace number 12 an hour later. In the meantime, Tonks sent an owl to her parents, informing them of the situation and that they wont make it to their house this year. Now the weasleys, Harry, Jean, Hermione, Remus and Tonks sat together in the dining room.
,,I think we should open a bottle of firewhiskey”, Remus suggested after the room got a little too quiet. He got up and vanished in the kitchen for a moment, before he came back out with several whiskey glasses and a bottle of firewhiskey.
Jean had her head rested on her arms on the table. She thought about the encounter earlier. How did Bellatrix find them? Wasn’t the burrow supposed to be under the constant vigilance of the ministry? How did she know Harry was spending Christmas with them? So many questions were going through her head. She only looked up when Remus slid a glass of firewhiskey towards her. Jean looked around and saw that her friends had all received a glass as well. She looked at Tonks, questioning, but she just nodded at her, raised her glass and drank her whiskey. Harry looked equally as unsure as Jean. Neither of them had ever drunken any beverage other than butterbeer. Jean shrugged and toasted with Harry. When she took a sip, she almost started coughing. The alcohol was burning in her throat like fire. ,,No wonder this is called firewhiskey”, she whispered, only loud enough for Harry to hear. He almost spat his whiskey out again as he heard Jean say that. Tonks looked at the two of them amusedly.
,,I think everyone under the age of eighteen should go to bed now. Goodnight”, she smiled about 20 minutes later, when she saw Jean’s and Ginny’s tired faces. Without any complaints, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Jean and the twins made their way upstairs. Jean stopped by Remus and Tonks and hugged them. ,,Goodnight”, she mumbled quietly. ,,Goodnight. I promise tomorrow we’ll look at those memories together”, Remus mumbled back. She nodded, before she followed the others upstairs.
Up in Jean’s room
Hermione and Ginny already sat on their beds, which were conjured earlier. Jean let herself fall onto hers as well, letting out a sigh. ,,What a night”, she groaned, rubbing her head. Hermione nodded. ,,I hope it won’t take to long to fix the burrow. I wonder how they found us though, wasn’t our entire property be watched by the ministry?”, Ginny asked, falling back into her pillows. ,,I’ve asked myself that too. And how did they even know that Harry would spend Christmas at your place?”, Jean replied. Ginny shrugged. ,,Maybe some death eaters have managed to infiltrate the ministry. I dunno”, the redhead suggested, while getting comfortable underneath the duvet. ,,Girls, let’s leave the topic for tomorrow, I bet the boys want to know too and honestly, my head is not working at the moment. Let’s just go to sleep”, Hermione mumbled, already half asleep. Ginny yawned approvingly. ,,D’you girls mind if I read a bit at wand light before going to bed?”, Jean asked, clutching the bright red journal, which was in between her duvet and bedsheet. Both of the others murmured, approving Jean’s request. She smiled, before she mumbled: ,,Goodnight then.” Hermione and Ginny just mumbled something incomprehensible back. It didn’t take ten minutes until Jean heard their breathing getting slower.
She mumbled: ,,Lumos.” and seized her mothers diary from underneath her duvet. After searching for the right page for a few minutes, she finally found the entry that she had fallen asleep at last time. She took a deep breath and started reading; My Love, today your dad and I decided to go into hiding. At first, he was reluctant, but then I managed to convince him, for your sake, for our families sake. You’re growing so fast, I can’t believe you’re already 8 months old. Soon, we will be a normal family again, with a somewhat normal and save life. I’m still worried though, what if something happens and our protection charm fails? I hope you will never have to find this and read these lines, that I write to you, hoping that you’ll get clarity through this and the memories I’ve left you. I hope I’ll see you grow into a beautiful young woman, without fear that it’ll be over the next day. I hope I’m still with you and I can give you this diary to show you what was going on when you were younger. Still, I love you infinitely, yours forever, Mum.
Jean had stopped breathing for a second. Her heart hurt at the words of her mother. All that she so desperately wanted was a normal life without fear and exactly that wish was taken from her too soon. Jean couldn’t imagine what her parents must’ve gone through. Fighting a war at only 20 years old and taking care of a 10-month-old on the side. Besides, she knew that her mum was also pregnant with Elaine at that time. Elaine, Jean thought about her sister for the first time in a while. Maybe if everything had gone differently, Elaine wouldn’t be the way she was today. Maybe, the two of them would’ve had an actual bond and maybe they even would’ve been close. Jean felt bad for her sister. While she grew up with her godfather, Elaine had no one. She was tossed around from Foster family to Foster family until she turned eleven. And even now, Jean couldn’t think of a place her sister would return to in the holidays. Thinking about it, Elaine never had a place she could call home.
Jean let out a melancholic sigh. She was dying to see more memories, but since it was almost full moon and she had promised Remus that she wouldn’t see any more of them without him, she needed to wait at least another week. But that burning in her heart just didn’t let her rest. As quietly as possible, she pulled out the pensieve from underneath her bed and tried to shut the vials up, by pressing them together. Having a sudden idea, she seized her, still ignited, wand off the bed. ,,Muffliato”, she muttered, hoping it had worked. Then she pulled out one of the vials from the carton they were stored in. Her eyes widened when she saw the labelling of the vial. ,,05/1981”, Jean breathed, her mouth getting increasingly more dry. She knew exactly what happened that month. It was her mothers death anniversary in may. To her disappointment, there wasn’t a specific date on the vial. And, when she took a closer look, she could see that it wasn’t her mums memory. It had a tiny little addition to it, which read; this memory belongs to Sirius Black.
Jean held her breath, and emptied the content of the vial into the pensieve. She took one deep breath, hesitated for a split second and then lowered her head into the pensieve. Her eyes shut, she felt herself falling, just like she felt when she saw the first two memories. When she finally stopped falling, she was very scared to open her eyes. What if she saw her mothers lifeless body on the floor? What if she had to see her get murdered? But then she heard voices, a lot of voices speaking at once. She opened her eyes and found herself at a table. Everyone looked terrified and sad, their faces characterised by grieve. There were so many people at a big circular table, but the setting seemed oddly familiar. Then it hit Jean. That was Grimmauldplace, but 15 years earlier. She took a look around before she looked at the people there. She recognised Remus, much younger and less wrinkles, but the big scar across his face and the same tiredness in his eyes. Then there was Dumbledore, but his beard was much shorter and he wore a grey three-piece. He also looked very saddened. Her eyes landed on Peter Pettigrew. The short mousy looking man, with watery eyes and a long sleeved shirt, even in what seemed to be 25°. Jean got very angry. She knew that he was hiding a dark mark under his sleeve, but Remus and Dumbledore and everyone else there didn’t. They still trusted him blind. Peters face looked twisted, but with a hint of sadness. If Jean didn’t know better, she would’ve thought that he was just shaken to the core by her mums death. Her eyes moved away from Peter and on to the next two people on the table. James and Lily Potter, Harrys parents. Lily was deeply devastated and Jean could see it on her faces. Again, she realised that Lily and her mother were best friends, up to the point that Jean was born, so much that she even carried Lily’s name as her middle name. James had his arm around her, comforting her, but looking equally as sad as the others. Then finally, her eyes found her father, slouched together in his chair, devastated, and holding a small child not older than the age of two months. Jean put her hands to her mouth. She had spotted herself, sitting in the lap of a rather skinny woman with brown hair, and an equally as sad expression on her face as Lily. ,,Alice Fawley”, she breathed, completely out of context. That was Neville’s mum, and she knew by a fact that Neville was already born to the time this took place. Her gaze fell upon the younger version of herself again. The wild curls of the small child, a bit older than a year, were tied back in a ponytail. She looked around confused and then Jean heard her one-year-old self ask: ,,Where’s my mummy? She’s always here, usually.” The reactions of the surroundings people where heart-breaking. Lily started sobbing quietly into James’s arm, Remus buried his head in his hands, probably to hide his tears, Dumbledore looked even more sad, Peter looked guilty, Alice hugged the little Jean comfortingly and her dad was choking back tears, trying to stay strong. The real Jean was also fighting back tears. She couldn’t believe that her mum was dead to the time that this meeting had taken place.
Dumbledore suddenly cleared his throat. ,,What happened to Marlene and her family is horrible. For exactly that reason we all need to be even more careful. Lily and James, I’m already working on the ultimate protection for you and your little Harry”, he explained. ,,We should fight. This war has been going on for way to long. Its tearing families apart, its leaving children without their parents, it’s taking all our loved ones. I can’t sit still any longer and do nothing. We need to end this war”, Sirius suddenly blurted out. ,,Pads, you know we can’t. He’s after all of us. He took Marlene and her whole family and he’s not showing mercy on anyone. Even Marlene’s brother was murdered and he was only a child. Just follow Dumbledore’s requests, for your daughters sake”, James sighed, looking at his best friend urgently. Sirius looked at the baby Elaine and then at the one-year-old Jean. He seemed to think and then he sighed: ,,Fine, still I don’t think hiding is a good idea. I’ll still go on missions to fight the death eaters.”
The real Jean was standing there in awe. Her dad was very stubborn and strangely enough, she recognised that trait in both herself and her sister. Before she could catch what was going on any further, everything got blurry again and she was pulled upwards.
Panting, she returned to her room. Jean looked around to check if Hermione and Ginny were still sleeping and to her satisfaction, they were both fast asleep. She turned back to the pensieve, scooped the memory back into the vial and put it back with the other ones. Then she grabbed the pensieve and shoved it back underneath her bed, along with the box of vials. Still slightly panting, she climbed back into her bed. Tons of questions were racing through her mind. Why did her dad store that memory? Who were all these other people that Jean didn’t recognise? Why were they gathered there in the first place? Was this the original order of the Phoenix? She closed her eyes and thought of the younger version of herself. It must’ve been terrifying, not having a mum all of a sudden and nor knowing where she went. Jean sighed as she tried to fall asleep.
That night, she dreamt of Voldemort and how he murdered people. She woke up drenched in sweat twice, her head spinning. It took her an hour each, to fully convince herself that it was just a dream and had nothing to do with reality. In the back of her mind, she knew that right now though, Voldemort was out to do terrible things to innocent people.
The next day
Jean was woken up by screaming. Like a lightning bolt, she sat up straight in her bed, a terrified expression on her face. She looked around to find Hermione and Ginny stare back at her with the same expressions on their faces. The three girls looked at each other confused, but also at high alert. ,,What was that?”, Ginny breathed, her voice hoarse. ,,No idea”, Jean muttered back. Hermione looked over to the door and mumbled: ,,Let’s check, have your wands at the ready.” Ginny and Jean nodded and seized their wands off their nightstands. Slowly and one after another, they snuck out the door. In the corridor, they met Harry, Ron and the twins. Jean stood next to Harry and asked: ,,Did you hear that scream?” He nodded, shining the light of his wand in her face. ,,It sounded like a woman. Blimey, but that was the loudest and most high pitched scream I’ve ever heard”, Ron butted in. ,,Let’s go downstairs to see”, George muttered, nudging his twin to move. The others agreed and carefully, the seven of them went down the stairs as quietly as possible.
Finally, they reached the kitchen. There was light burning, and a very frightened-looking Fleur. Jean was the first to enter the room and asked: ,,Fleur, are you alright? Was it you, screaming?” Fleur looked at Jean and the others before she answered: ,,There iz a grumpy ‘ouse elf in ze kitchen. It called me a ‘alf-breed.” Jean rolled her eyes and spotted Kreacher in a corner, cackling quietly. She turned to the door and shouted: ,,Bill, come to the kitchen, your fiancée is here and needs comfort.” Then she walked over to Kreacher, very aggressively. ,,Kreacher, what did you call fleur over there?”, Jean asked in an accusing tone. He looked at her like she was some sort of mouldy food before he answered: ,,Kreacher only did what his mistress would’ve wanted him to do. You filthy blood traitor let this half-breed into my mistresses house, not to mention the filthy mudblood and those halfbloods. My mistress would be so disgusted-” ,,Enough. You will go apologise to Fleur, right now. And then you’ll go where I can’t see you, so you don’t get set free. You understand”, Jean demanded, very tense from the lack of sleep and disrespect she got this early in the morning. Kreacher grumbled something, Jean couldn’t understand. ,,Did I make myself clear?”, she repeated, even more pissed off. ,,Yes mistress”, Kreacher muttered though gritted teeth. He knew he had to obey to Jean, since she was a Black. Reluctantly, he trotted over to fleur and mumbled an apology. ,,I can’t hear you”, Jean said, directed to Kreacher to make him speak louder. ,,I’m sorry”, Kreacher repeated, this time louder but still through gritted teeth. Jean smirked and ordered: ,,You may go, Kreacher.” The elf shot her death glare before he he apparated away. Fleur rushed over to Jean and hugged her. ,,Thank you. I will never forget zis”, she smiled, before she went back to Bill. Jean grinned at her. ,,It was no big deal, really. Kreacher’s the house elf of the family Black, so he needs to obey to anything anyone of the black family demands. Besides, I hate it when he insults non-pureblood people”, she explained, going back over to Harry and the others. ,,You could’ve treated him a bit nicer, to be honest”, Hermione complained quietly. Jean turned to her and sighed. ,,Hermione, S.P.E.W. is a great thing, but I’ve tried being nice, but he won’t be nice back. Honestly, I don’t like being mean but he’s insulted Fleur, you and basically everyone in this house”, she explained, trying to persuade Hermione to understand her reasoning. Harry and Ron nodded in agreement to support Jean. Hermione sighed: ,,Still, maybe if we’re nice to him some more, he’ll stop with the insults.” Ron shook his head, leaving for the dining room. ,,Look, he’s a hopeless case. I won’t be nice to him if he isn’t gonna be nice to me”, Harry declared, following Ron. The twins had also left and only Jean and Hermione were left in the kitchen. ,,C’mon ‘mione, let’s join the others in the dining room”, Jean encouraged Hermione and dragged her along by the sleeve. Hermione sighed, but went with her.
A few days later, Jean, Remus and Tonks had visited Tonks’s parents, despite the fact that they originally didn’t want to go, but Jean begged to see her aunt and uncle. Tonks was quite worried, due to the fact that it was two days after full moon. Remus was still a bit weak, but he insisted they went. The Weasleys were able to fix up the burrow as well as possible, as if there never was a fire. After thanking Jean, Remus and Tonks, they went back to the burrow. Hermione, who was supposed to go skiing with her parents, decided that it would be saver for her to stay at the burrow and for her parents to stay were they were right now. She wouldn’t dare taking a risk after the incident with Bellatrix. Jean admitted to Remus that she had seen another memory and told him what had happened in it. He looked worried, but also sentimental as he seemed to remember that encounter 15 years ago. She also told him about her reoccurring nightmares that she had over the last week. It was always the same dream. Her mum being murdered by Voldemort and her dad finding her body. Every time Jean had that dream, she wanted to scream and save her mother, but knew she couldn’t. Remus advised her to watch another memory, but for now, she hadn’t had the time to do so yet.
Jacob and Jean had also been exchanging letters by owl daily. Right now she was waiting for him to answer her letter, asking if they could see each other. She sat by the window, reading in her mums diary once again, when she heard a knocking on the window. It was Jacobs owl Hazel, a beautiful hazelnut coloured coat of feathers and green eyes just like his. Tied to its leg was a letter. Jean’s heart jumped for joy and it pounded in her chest as if it wanted to escape. She untied the letter, held an arm out for the owl and carried it over to her own owl, Cloud. It had grey feathers and one eye hazel the other blue. Hazel immediately drank some water, before she nudged the grey owl affectionately. Jean smiled and opened the letter, her boyfriend sent her. It read; My dear Lily flower, Good news. I’ve told my grandparents about you and they’d love to meet you. Are you free next Sunday? About your nightmares, try setting that diary away from you and onto your nightstand. And don’t read in it before bed. Maybe it’ll help. I miss you and hope to see you soon. Love, J. P.s.: Give Hazel some cashews. She loves those.
Jean almost freaked out. She was about to meet Jacobs grandparents. She just needed to ask Remus to take her by apparation and back to Grimmauldplace, she could travel by floo. Then she seized the bag of owl food and fished out some cashews for Hazel, before she filled the empty food bowl for Cloud. ,,There you go beautiful. Send this to Jacob, will you?”, she mumbled as she stroked the feathers of her boyfriends owl. The beautiful owl stuck out her leg for Jean to bind the letter ,she had already prepared and scribbled an additional line to, to Hazels leg. ,,Thank you. You’re a good owl”, she mumbled and petted the owl on her favourite spot at her head. Cloud seemed to get jealous and pecked Jean gently. ,,You’re a good owl too, I know you know that. Shall we let your girlfriend fly?”, she petted her own owl affectionately. Cloud cooed approving, before nuzzled his head against Jean’s hand. She smiled, stroked him with her thumb and picked Hazel up to go to the window. ,,Okay, bring this to Jacob. If everything goes well, I’ll see you and him next week. Bye Hazel”, Jean explained to the owl, before Hazel took off. She cooed for goodbye and then Jean lost her in the sky of clouds.
Jean had a little happy dance. She was gonna meet Newt and Tina Scamander. Tina had always been Jean’s idol, because was a great auror and Jean wanted to be just like her. Ironically enough, Jacob looked almost exactly like his granddad, Tina’s husband, and Jean considered herself very lucky to have such an amazing person as Jacob as her boyfriend. Almost flying down the stairs, she came to a hold just before entering the kitchen. Remus and Tonks seemed to have a serious conversation. Jean hesitated for a minute, she didn’t usually like to eavesdrop, but it felt right. ,,We’ll have to tell her eventually. I can’t hide this much longer, as you may have noticed. Remus, how do you expect her to react? Angry? She’ll so be happy, you know your goddaughter”, Tonks’s voice came from inside. There was a bit of a silence before Remus answered: ,,I know. Its not Jean’s reaction that scares me, its something else. What if... what if...” Tonks sounded confused as she asked: ,,What if what? What if you’ll be a bad father? Remus please. I see how you act around Jean, you were more like a dad to her than anyone else, so get that worry out of your mind. You’ll be a great dad.” Jean frowned. What were they talking about. Remus a dad? Could it be that Tonks was pregnant? Her questions had to wait, since she heard Remus admit: ,,That’s not it either. What if... the baby has my lycanthropy? Our child doesn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve that. I’m just a burden to everyone.” Tonks was silent. Remus was silent. The door was already slightly open, so Jean dared to peer through the crack. Remus sat there with his head buried in his hand. Tonks had a shocked expression on her face, a bit of pity in it. Then she comforted Remus in a very adamant tone: ,,You’re not a burden. I don’t want anyone else, I want you, Remus Lupin. Otherwise I wouldn’t have married you and stuck around for so long, wouldn’t have I. You’ll be a great dad, and so what if the baby has the lycanthropy. You’re there to help them. Don’t you dare think that way ever again, you understand.” Remus smiled glumly. Tonks hugged him gently.
Jean accidentally tripped on her own feet and made the door swing open. Tonks and Remus looked at her confused. Jean stood there like a lost puppy, but managed to say: ,,Hey.” Remus raised an eyebrow and replied: ,,Hey? Are you alright? D’you need anything?” Remembering why she came down here in the first place she said: ,,Yea I’m alright, but do you think it’d be possible for you to apparate to the Scamander’s House next Sunday with me? Jacob asked his grandparents if I could meet them and they said yes. You’ll just need to drop me off, I’ll come home by floo. Please?” Remus looked at her for a second, then he answered: ,,Sure, under one condition. I pick you up the next day. You’ll have to stay overnight, but I don’t want you traveling by floo in those times. Other than that, ask Jacob when we should come and if you can stay overnight and I’ll take you, no problem “ Jean nodded excitedly. ,,Thanks dad”, the words just slipped out. Remus looked at her taken aback, then he smiled. Tonks looked at Remus with an I-told-you-so look, before she motioned him to say: ,,By the way, uhh, Tonks is pregnant. We’ll have a baby next year...” He looked happy but uncertain. ,,That’s wonderful. Congrats”, Jean smiled, hugging her cousin. She noticed Remus’s unsure expression. ,,Aren’t you excited to be a dad?”, Jean asked, raising an eyebrow. He looked at her, as if he had been exposed. ,,Of-Of course I am. Just a little tired from the full moon, still”, Remus answered, but Jean didn’t buy it. She didn’t want to start a fight either or make him uncomfortable, so she decided to just keep quiet. Tonks smiled, also noticing Remus’s behaviour, but not saying anything either. ,,So, Jacob and you huh? The two of you seem to be very serious about each other”, Remus changed the subject, smiling at Jean warmly to motivate her to talk about Jacob. Jean got red in the face, before she mumbled: ,,Yea, he’s amazing. We spent a lot of time together and whatever we do, it never seems to get boring. It’s just him and I and I feel so save with him. Like, I never felt that kind of connection with Fred. We were more like that mischievous pair of troublemakers, but it wasn’t until I met Jacob, that I knew how real love felt. I’m in love with him, and I fall in love with him over and over again, every time I see him.” Tonks smirked at Jean and beamed at Remus. ,,That’s how Remus and I truly got to know each other. We met at the ministry, I was in auror training and mad-eye introduced me to the order of the Phoenix. That’s when I saw Remus, and I think we instantly had a connection, despite his major trust issues, isn’t that true, my love?”, she explained, taking Remus’s hand. He got very awkward, but blushed. ,,Yea, I reckon that’s true. I still find it funny, how when I introduced Jean to you, you and her started laughing and I was just there, confused”, he admitted, smitten.
Jean looked at the pair of them and beamed. She felt very lucky to have such an amazing godfather and an even more amazing cousin by her side and that she could tell them anything and they wouldn’t judge her. Sure, she could tell her dad everything too, and he would always be loyal to her, but, now that he was gone, Jean missed him even more than she did when he was in Azkaban. ,,I still remember you asking me later how I knew Tonks. I was a bit confused, because I thought you knew that auntie Andy and uncle Ted had her, but apparently you didn’t. The look an your face when I told you we were cousins was priceless”, Jean replied to Remus’s part of the story. Tonks laughed out loud, hugged her husband and chuckled: ,,You really never saw me before? To be fair, I never saw you either when you dropped Jean off. Ohh by merlin’s beard, Remus I love you so much.” Remus looked at back at his wife, a slight smile on his face. Jean stood beside them, cleared her throat and directed the subject back to the original topic. ,,Anyways, Jacob asked me if I wanted to come over to his place, before we got off the train. He also gave me this”, she explained and showed them the ring, that Jacob had given her. Tonks took her hand to examine the ring more closely. ,,It’s lovely. Did he tell you why he gave you this?”, she mumbled, turning Jean’s hand gently. Jean nodded, took off the ring and showed them the inside of the ring with hers and Jacob’s anniversary engraved in it. ,,The date is our anniversary. He said he wanted to replace the ring by an engagement ring some day. Honestly, I think he’s my person. I think I’ll spend the rest of my life with that boy”, she explained, tears welling up in her eyes. Remus serenely smiled, and Tonks made an aww sound. Jean was so happy to tell them about the seriousness of her relationship.