Waiting for Superman

Chapter 11

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Don't get me wrong I loved my best friend, it's just that I had no idea what to say to her. She would have a ton of questions and I feel guilty for keeping this a secret from her because we told each other everything. She is probably a confused emotional wreck and I wouldn't blame her. She just found out that her best friend is in the hospital and her best friends mother is in a coma and father is in jail, and she isn't allowed into the hospital to see me yet some guy who hardly knows me is. Now that I think about it I have no idea why they even let Luke in here, I mean I'm not complaining he brought me clothes to cover up, but it's still strange.

I headed into the waiting room where I assumed Esmae would be waiting for me. She was curled up in a chair looking as if she was ready to pounce and attack anyone who crossed her path. I don't think this is a good idea I thought as my heart beat increased, you could see my heart beat through my shirt.

I cautiously approaches her with a small wave. She basically bolted out her seat and began finding questions my way. Questions I wasn't ready for.

"What happened?" "Why the hell is you dad in prison?" " where's your mom?" "Is she okay?" "Are you okay?" " why is that sexy asshole here with you?" How come I can't see you?" "Why are the police questioning me and asking if you have been acting weird since your brother died?" "Is something wrong?"

By now she was crying and I couldn't handle it. For gods sake I'm struggling to hold myself together and now Esmae is here and she needs me to tell her everything is going to be okay so that she can calm down because she is a wreck. She needed support and I can't give it to her at the moment, I'm not strong enough to hold the both of us together.

So I did what I always do I ran. I ran out the waiting room with tears in my eyes. I can't answer her questions just yet, it was all just too much too handle. I ran down the corridor until I found the staircase. The elevator would take too long. I ran up the stairs. Floor after floor I kept on running. By the time I reached the top floor my lungs were on fire and I was huffing and puffing. I quickly opened the metal door and walked outside into the cool air. I put my hand on my chest and crouched over as I let out a scream of frustration. I was frustrated at myself for falling apart again. I promised to keep it together.

When I looked up I noticed that the sun was just starting to set and the sky was a mixture of beautiful colours. I walked over to the edge of the building. I was about ten or twelve stories high. I lifted my body onto the ledge which was difficult with broken ribs. I stood on the edge and looked down. I noticed Esmae run out the hospital door into her fathers arms and burst out crying.

Cringed at this, it was just another horrible reminder that my father would never be like that. I looked at my toes that were just hanging off the edge of the building and huffed before sitting down. I let my legs dangle off the side of the building. It was pretty high but I wasn't scared of heights and I didn't mind if I happened to fall and die, but I would never commit suicide on purpose. Its not the most religious thing to do.

While sitting lost in my thoughts I didn't notice that someone had come and sat beside me. And when I looked to the side to see Luke staring at me curiously I almost fell off the edge. Luckily though he grabbed me by my arm and steadied me.

Luke turned away from me and gazed at the sky. "My mom is a pharmacist and sometimes she volunteers here"

I turned to him confused

He looked at me and carried on " that's why I'm allowed in to see you."

Oh... well that answered one of Esmaes questions

We carried on sitting there in silence

"What do you think your purpose is? Like do you think we are destined to do something in the crazy messed up world?" Luke spoke softly

"I don't believe in destiny." I said
"I don't believe life has a plan for me. Everything that has happened to me seems like an accident. I mean how could God be so cruel as to do these terrible things to me. I have only ever been good to God, why would he be punishing me like this. Maybe it's because I let Toby die, but then again this all seems way too random and confusing for it to be a plan. Destiny doesn't exist in my opinion." I gasped putting my hand over my mouth. I can't believe I said that. My eyes grew wide. I turned my head to look at Luke.

Luke was looking at me intensely as if he were trying to figure out a puzzle. he had this cute crease in between his eye brows and he looked angelic with the glow of the setting sun creating a halo around him. He frowned before leaning forward and quietly saying " I believe every soul on earth has a destiny. No matter what background they came from or how they choose to behave. Because karma is a bitch and so those who stray from the path they were destined to take soon face the consequences and and are set back in the right direction. Every human is here for a reason. Every human has a place, nobody is useless."

Now it was my turn to stare at him in shock. I didn't know Luke could be so wise. I had a feeling he saw me earlier though, when I was standing on the edge it must have looked like I was going to jump.

I was staring so intensely at him that I hadn't noticed how close we had gotten. Our faces were inches apart and our breaths mingled together. Luke closed his eyes and started leaning forward. Every good church girl part of me was screaming for me to back away but that little rebellious voice in the back of me head was urging me to go on. To kiss him. I know it's probably not the best thing to do in this situation but I wanted to feel needed to feel loved. I wanted to feel what it was like to have my lips pressed against his. I was desperate for affection and so I borrowed it from Luke.

I closed my eyes and joined Luke in leaning forward. Then our lips met and I felt him smile. I just wondered why?