Counting Paths

Chapter 29.

I reluctantly let her go, and she darts to the bathroom. And she stays in there while Luna and I get everything ready for bed. I put out the fire and pull out the bed in the loveseat.

"I'm sorry we don't have anything else," Luna tells me as I roll out the sleeping bag.

"It's fine. Honestly, I'm grateful we're here. Thank you."

She glances at the bathroom door. "Should I talk to her?"

"I think she-"

The bathroom door creaks open and Sterling quickly walks out and approaches me. "It wasn't what you think," she tells me. "I'm afraid that my brother would be disappointed in me because I never confronted my mother about what happened and I don't think I ever will."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because it's what he would've done."

"You don't know-"

"It's what he would've done, Roland," she repeats with more strength.

I nod. "Okay. But you know that's not true, right? Your brother would be so proud of you. How you handled everything, how you managed to pick yourself up-"

"But what about everything with Ryan? My brother would've beaten me into New Years."

"Do you regret what happened with Ryan?"

"Yes and no."

"I get it." He's an asshole but without Ryan, I would've never found Sterling that night. I saved her and she without a doubt saved me. "Sterling." I place my hand on the top of her head and she gives me a puzzled look. "You understand that the choices you made that night were the wrong ones, that's all that matters."

She nods. "I'm sorry I ran away."

"Why did you?"

"Because facing the truth was too hard. Now, what's going on here?" She points to my hand that's still on her head. I pull my hand away.

"Sorry."

# # #

Sterling is passed out on the pull-out bed, Luna and Lisi are on his hospital bed, and I'm sprawled out on the floor wishing Luna had an extra large sleeping bag instead of a medium. I'm average height for a guy but I have wide, broad shoulders and a very muscular torso. I feel like Bruce Banner slowly turning into the hulk.

It's been a little over two hours now since we settled down, Toy Story 2 is almost finished, and I think everyone's asleep.

I get as comfortable as I can get, wondering where did the days go when I used to sleep on fold-out chairs and dressers, close my eyes, and force myself to doze off.

Then I hear the slow creaks of the bed as someone climbs out. "Roland?" Lisi whispers.

I open my eyes and lift my head. "Yeah?" With a pillow and blanket under his arm, he strolls over and quickly makes a bed on the floor next to me. I sit up and lean on one elbow. "What are you doing? You can't sleep on the floor."

"Why? You think one night on the floor will bring back my cancer?" He lies down on his back and stares up at the ceiling.

"Aren't you in pain?"

"Not lately."

Okay, Roland, just breathe, I tell myself as I lie flat on my back. I get the feeling he wants to talk and, although I would feel much better if the girls were awake to support me, I think I can handle whatever he wants to tell or ask me. I'll tell him as much of the truth as I can and pray he is as understanding as he is smart. He looks like me but he's more like Luna personality-wise. I just wish my palms weren't sweaty-what the fuck? Did I just wash my hands?