Infinity | B. Barnes

It's not hopeless

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good morning white wolf, Y/n." Shuri greeted us as we walked into her lab together. It was a part of our daily routine. Visit Shuri to see if we could get Bucky's mind back to his own.

"Morning Shuri." I replied

"Morning." Bucky responded as well

"Are you ready to try some more testing?" She asked him

Bucky nodded to her, though he didn't move from his spot. Being in medical places still scared him, reminding him too much of his time with HYDRA. I reached down and grasped his hand gently, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

He nodded and took a deep breath in, finally prying himself from his spot and walking towards the bed. I let go of his hand as he lay down. I noticed that Bucky clenched his fist by his side before relaxing his hand again, but I chose to not think too much into it.

His stunning blue eyes darted around the room in a nervous manner. I decided to place my hand on his shoulder, reminding him that I was there for him. He wasn't alone, I wouldn't let him turn into the winter soldier again.

Shuri began to attach the wires to his head, making sure they were in the right place. She then turned around and went towards the control panel. "Are you ready, White wolf?" She asked

Bucky hesitated before he replied. "Yeah."

Shuri nodded before turning the machine on. We were getting closer to getting rid of the programming, it took longer for Bucky to start slipping away and I was always there to bring him back. I could feel Bucky fighting against it, and before he could be replaced by the winter soldier I pulled him back.

I was getting much better at doing that, it didn't drain me as much as it used to. Practice makes perfect. Though I still don't understand how I do it, I've been trying to understand my powers for the past year but there is still so much I don't understand.

He almost slipped, coming a little too close to the winter soldier than he would have liked, but I quickly brought him back. Bucky shot up right, panting heavily from the close call. I placed my hand on his shoulder again. "You're ok, Buck, you're ok."

Bucky didn't reply, he was too busy trying to catch his breath. He shakily stood from his spot and walked past Shuri and I

"I'll be back." He muttered before exiting the lab in a hurry. Shuri and I glanced at each other with a worried look on our faces.

I gave Shuri a small smile. "I'll go check on him." I then turned and exited the room after him, wanting to make sure he was ok.

After wandering through the streets of Wakanda, I finally found him halfway down the grassy hill that led towards the lake where his hut was. I had expected him to come here, I didn't need enhanced abilities to find him.

"Bucky!" I called out to him, but he didn't reply. He kept walking down the hill, acting like he hadn't heard me when he had heightened hearing.

"Bucky please!" I finally caught up to him and put my hand on his shoulder, getting him to turn and face me. "Are you ok?"

Bucky hesitated before he answered. "No…this isn't ever going to work."

"It will, with more time…" I started, trying to give him hope

Bucky quickly interrupted me. "More time? We've been doing this for a year, y/n. And we're still no closure…just admit it…I'll never get better, this is who I am."

"No. You are not the winter soldier Bucky. I'm not going to give up on you." I stated, adamant to get through to him.

"Why? Why don't you just go home. It's hopeless, I'm not worth this and you know it." Bucky replied harshly

"Bucky, you are worth this. You might not see it but I do. We can't give up…not yet." I replied.

Bucky didn't say anything, he just stared at me. After a moment, I noticed his eyes had become glossy and slightly red. Tears were threatening to spill over his cheeks. I felt my heart squeeze in my chest at the sight. He doesn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to go through this.

"I don't understand…" Bucky said quietly

"What don't you understand?" I replied at the same volume.

"Why you're still here, why you're still trying." He said

"Because I care about you, Bucky." I said

He glanced down at his feet, tears finally falling from his eyes and getting caught in his dark lashes. I gently placed my hand on the side of his face and raised his head. I felt my heart break at the sight of tears falling from his eyes. I gently used the pad of my thumb to wipe some of them away. I then stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into me tightly.

Bucky wrapped his arm around my waist firmly and buried his head in my shoulder, trying to hide his tears and seeking comfort.

The two of us stood there for a while, not letting each other go. Until we were interrupted by a strange bleating sound that rang out from next to us.

Bucky and I pulled apart and looked to the right, only to be met with one of Bucky's goats. The beady yellow eyes staring at us with little thought behind them.

Bucky and I glanced at each other before we burst out laughing. The goat continued to bleat and wandered off. Bucky and I eventually collected our composure again after the goat interruption.

"We'll figure this out, Buck. We will." I said reassuringly

Bucky nodded slightly. "I hope so." He said Quietly. I hoped so too, because if anyone deserved peace, Bucky did.