Redemption

Prologue

Dim lighting, marijuana, sounds heard through walls, beer bottles on the ground.

How did I get here?

I lay on the ground, my drink left untouched by my side. I can't even bring myself to drink it.

How did I get so far from home? So far from where I originally was? How did I get in such a downward spiral?

I stare up at the ceiling as everything washes past me. I shut myself in this room after getting the couple before me out.

I've ruined everything and I've found myself here, in my own mess. I'm sinking into a pit that I've been in for some time now, but I didn't know that I could somehow go lower.

I ruined the best friendship I could ever have. I hurt the last person I ever wanted to hurt.

Now what?

How do I come back from this?

I've found myself awake for the past day, unable to sleep even a wink. I'm getting eaten alive by my own thoughts. . . but I deserve it. I've been the worst child anyone can be and there's no redeemable quality in me.

I've been terrible to the people who took me in, terrible to a girl I said I loved and would take care of.

I see her face in my mind and it just about kills me as I see those tears in her eyes after what I allowed to happen. A girl I would have given so much for, I hurt her in a way I can never fix.

I wish for the depths of the earth to swallow me up, but it doesn't happen.

I wish for lightning to somehow strike me in this building, but it doesn't happen.

I wish to disappear, but I find myself still present, still here.

I can't even say that I'm living, I just . . . am. That's it. At this point, I just am. I'm not even living. I don't have a purpose. I don't have a plan. But to be honest, I've been living like that for over a year now. It's just that I'm finally seeing the damage I'm causing when it's too late.

So what now? What do you do when you hit the bottom?

I stare and stare. . . and then I stare some more.

I don't know. And I didn't know I could ruin my life so much at 17.

So how did I get here?